How can i ask one of my Bridesmaids if she is still interested in being one?

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Well you went off a paragraph and made a grand assumption and analysis. Best of luck.

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Yes I think I'm going to do this. Only want her to be comfortable and happy. Never looking to add more stress!

I totally get the being there for your BM and not getting that in return. I have the same thing with one of my bridesmaids. I have spoken to her a few times about, like I just would like once in awhile for her to ask how I am; not even about the wedding. But she just doesn't get it. As far as the deposit goes, maybe just pay it and let her know to get it back to you whenever she gets a chance.

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Thanks Kelsey! Will do this.

I think it would be good to give her some extra time but also it's not a bad convo to just be like hey are you still down to do all of this, etc ? I had a period of time where my bridal party was so unresponsive and I had a talk with them about it. I get they all had their own stuff to deal with.

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The main reason I want to ask her truly isn't even for me, I would just like to know if this is TOO much for her to deal with you know?

As others have said ,way too early for chats or anything for a November 2020 wedding . And showers usually happen in the last 4 months and are planned by the he hostesses, not the bride. As guests or bridesmaids do not travel far for showers, likely the only participants will be those near the shower. It is too early for people to volunteer to give one, wait til 6-8 months out. Then whoever volunteers ( may be only 2-3 bridesmaids, or none if other friends and family do it) will follow up on dates, not the bride. You may decide on dress colors now, if you wish. But bridesmaids dresses esses are ordered on a different timeline than bridal gowns. They take 2 weeks to 10 weeks, depending on the maker. So people should not order them til the end of June, or early July 2020. Bridesmaid dresses cosy $90 to $280 for the great majority of dresses. Unlike a wedding gown, people get pretty angry if they have to spend $200 to $250 on alterations for a $180 dress, doubling g the cost. So the BM need to buy the dress as close as possible to the wedding. Some people change 2 sizes with as little as a $15 pound weight gain or loss. And people get pregnant. So it simply makes sense to pick dresses at 5-6 months, and order around 4 months, unless they have a maker with a 2-3 week delivery, in which case 3 months out is fine, still leaving over a month for a hem . If some women buy the gown early, it may be discontinued a couple months later, leaving the others Stu k. So nobody should think k about buying before 6-7 months. At that point shops can tell you what dresses will be available still in 4 months, and what won't. Not worth picking a style now, that is discontinued in October. And picking another, that is DC'd in March, and picking yet another, that will still be available to buy anytime from April to August. So this k colors, but not specific dresses, or you will be endlessly frustrated. Without parties, planned later, or dresses, picked later, there is nothing else to do for a BM or MOH until April it May next year. Shower hostesses decide where it will be, not the bride. And may pick their own homes, not a venue. Or two people may do them for friends or family in different places. So their is no point t looking at ahower things, or bach party, if the hostesses want to throw it all out the window. They plan the shower. So for all these things, please wait. I have been in a huge number if weddings. And most wedding party people grumble a lot about brides who expect 8 to 15 months of wedding stuff. There is nothing they need to even look at before 7 months. Toward that time, people will be excited. Right now, you will get the response of a mother who wants all homework done the first night of a 2 week school vacation. People don't respond. Or if the do not, 6 months from now they will lose interest and be sick of it when the wedding comes, and more likely to drop out.
Patience. 😉

I am in a really similar situation right now. A lot of the "it is too early" crowd don't realize that some of us like to get things done early! There is nothing wrong with that at all. If your wedding party knows you, they know this about your personality and will not mind being in a group chat here or there. My advice (to both of us) would be to discuss this head on with the BM. We're not going to know unless we ask them! Good luck!

My deposit for HMU was for the entire amount, and I just paid the deposit myself and had my girls venmo me the money for the cost of their HMU the day of the wedding. Is this not an option?

Check on her. See how she is doing. Right now I wouldn't even bring the wedding up. Make sure she is okay. Then address the bridesmaid stuff later

View Quoted Comment There is something wrong with being too early if people do not respond because they know it is too early . And when they said yes, they meant they had time and money in the last 5 months before the wedding. But you want everything early, to suit your personality. Read a lot of WW posts over time, and there are a huge number where a lot of anger builds up between brides who set early dates to do this , do that, spend money now. And some of wedding party whom bride calls stubborn, or passive aggressive, or wants to fire or demote , because they are doing nothing, complain: the bride is being a bridezilla. I will have plenty of time and money when the things NEED to be done. But she wants me to spend time I don't have, and money I don't have, right now. For no good reason except she likes to do things early . . . There is a lot of drama about brides upset that BM have missed 4 deadlines, and now it is 5 months out, and 2 don't have dresses. And from the BM point of view, knowing that a particular manufacture ships in 2 to 4 weeks, they say there is no reason for the bride to have nagged them from 8 months to 5 months out, for something easily done at 3-4 months. . . It is very egoce tric of a bride to expect other people, with their own lives to lead, to jump when she says jump, just because " that's the way I am. I like to do things early ". Well, if BM are not responding, hoping not to fight, but not willing to set their clock ahead just because the bride likes it that way, then bride still insisting everyone go on her timetable seems narcissistic. So busy with how she likes things, she does not see she is disrupting it people's lives . . . . These people are not a Queen's ladies in waiting for a year to a year and a half. They are friends, it family, who have agreed to do what needs to be done, when it a dually does need to be done, not on an artificially speeded up timeline. Persistently being an early planner on things that only involve yourself the bride is fine. If you want to make out envelopes for thank you notes for wedding presents 15 months ahead, in hopes that everyone you invite will give you a gift, go for it. At worst, you waste a dollar or two in envelopes. Make out all your cards and charts. Talk to vendors. But there is nothing at all a BM needs to do or plan before 6 months that cannot be done at under 6 months. . . Although personally I think it is nice when those volunteering to do showers or bach parties speak up and say so no later then 7 months , just so bride knows it will happen. But if they do not then meet to make more plans til 4 months out, and do the shower at 2 months, that is fine. Yet all over these boards, brides are having fits over no one working on their parties at 6-12 months. It would save a lot of destructive drama if brides who always like to be early, would limit it to things that only affect them. To others, they are premature planners, not welcome a lot of the time. It is a general social rule: Don't show up 3 hours early for other people's parties. For brides it should be: don't expect any BM, parent, or vendor, to be in regular contact before necessary, unless they make it clear you are welcome. Always doing things early is not always a virtue.

View Quoted Comment I have not had problems with all but one of my bridesmaids by doing things early, in fact, they have thanked me (even the one I’m having trouble with) for getting it done early so they have more time to live their lives and not spend the few months up to the wedding getting everything done. Because, you know, my wedding isn’t the only thing going on in their lives.

You don’t need to condescend me or the original poster. I don’t even know why you felt the need to single my response out. I know that different people have different timelines, and I cleared my timeline with my bridesmaids before I did anything. I NEVER said I’m having my bridal shower and Bach party now, that would be ridiculous and for you to imply that is just as equally ridiculous. They are in February and all we have done is set the date so people can request off work. All the “early” things we have done is pick out their dress, so they can order at some point in the next few months. Because all a bridesmaid is required to do is get her dress. Only one of my bridesmaids has been a bit unresponsive even when I am calling to check up on her because she is having a hard time at work. Also, I NEVER said I wanted to “fire” or “demote” anyone, because MY BRIDESMAIDS ARE MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, NOT EMPLOYEES.

I appreciate my bridesmaids being similar in wanting to get things done, because things are cheaper when you do it earlier! I’m being considerate to their budgets that we set individually.

I wasn’t even giving you the advice in the first place. Stephanie asked for advice, and I told her my experience, you should have just given her the advice you wanted to give her and left my post alone. It was unnecessary for you to give me some huge lecture. This is supposed to be a positive, supportive place.

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Thank you Jen! I work full time and I am a full time student as well, so I would like to get things done early so I dont stress myself out my last few semesters which are right around the wedding date! Deep breaths!

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Completely with you one this! Most people saying don't speak about anything until 3-4 months before the wedding with your bridesmaids in my opinion, are a little bit unfair and unreasonable. Frankly, I think it is more inconsiderate to tell them 3-4 months before 'hey buy your dress, give me the money for HMU, and plan the parties that go along with weddings.' We all work, we all have different budgets, and frankly I would NEVER tell someone that they are too early or too late because it is THEIR wedding. Many people like forcing the way they did things for their wedding and make it seem like it is the RIGHT way.

I asked for advice, not a novel on how YOU did things and what I SHOULD be focused on. LOL

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Judith- All I have asked for was a $27.00 deposit for HMU so that I may book my artist for the day. This in my opinion, is more considerate given that they now have a year to find the other $63 rather than asking them to pay it all up front since everyone has different budgets.

Mind you- this is the only single thing I have spoken about and have asked them to do thus far- so you can toss that 'queen' analogy out the window.

If you would like to lecture and go off on rants that have absolutely nothing to do with the question posed, please please go elsewhere.

View Quoted Comment RIGHT?! I’m so with you on this!!!