How can i ask one of my Bridesmaids if she is still interested in being one?

Your wedding is really far away if the date in your profile is correct. Why does she need to put money down for the makeup artist this far out? What else could the BMs possibly need to talk about?

I'm in almost the exact same situation with my friend i've known since kindergarten, 45 years! She seemed all gung ho about being in the wedding, but with her anxiety issues I was hoping it's not to hard for her. I've sent her pics of everything, trying to get some input. I'm going to send a pouring my heart out message and see what that does. I'm hoping iit helps. if she doesn't want to do it you need to know. I would just ask her, that's what I plan on doing

I don't think it's rude to ask her. Talk to her. Let her know you've noticed her distance and tell her that if she feels being involved in the wedding is too much for her, you understand. It's better to get things out in the open then to push forward ignoring the issue.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this, definitely just be upfront with her and tell her if she’s not up to being a bridesmaid that you still love her and no hard feelings at all, but you do need to know one way or another, and if she does want to be one she needs to respond to this stuff.

I’d also like genuinely check on her to see how she’s doing, all wedding stuff aside... of course it is important to have your wedding stuff figured out but just remember first and foremost she is your friend, and it sounds like she’s struggling quite a bit. Maybe you could just allow her to do the bare minimum as a bridesmaid, meaning just get a dress and show up. She doesn’t have to get her makeup done professionally if she doesn’t want to pay for it/deal with it.

I'm also a little confused what your BMs would have to worry about so early. Be a friend first, bride second!

She's probably thinking there's a ton of time left to talk about the wedding, and plan for it, put down deposits, etc.

Maybe you don't realize yet, but nobody will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are. It's a simple fact. And nobody will want to talk about it as much as you do. In fact, I find that my people don't talk about it at all unless I bring it up. They have lives of their own, jobs of their own, sometimes husbands and kids of their own too. For them, your wedding is one day, 15 months from now. I have to say, with the exception of my wedding, I don't give anything that far away a second thought at this point. So, why would anyone else be that concerned with your wedding?

I'm not trying to be rude, and I hope you don't take it that way. It's just one of those blunt truths that has to be said.

Try not to think of her as your bridesmaid, and just your friend for now. There isn't any reason she needs to be thinking of the wedding this far in advance, and so you should focus on your friendship with her.

Once your date gets closer, then you'll have plenty of wedding stuff to talk about. Until then, be her friend. I bet you'll see a change in her, in a good way.

View Quoted Comment

I live in Miami, so since it is a 'destination' location everything gets booked up very fast-especially the affordable/good options. Makeup and hair is a priority for me, and this makeup artist is the most affordable and best in my area. She is already booked for the weekend before mine.

-As for stuff to talk about, I have 9 BM and they are all scattered among the globe so they have all been trying to find a month that works for ALL of them for things like the bridal shower, bachelorette party etc.

Every bride has different timelines (:

View Quoted Comment

Oh I absolutely agree! I gave all of the BM the option on whether to do their own or get it done, and she chose to have it done. Only reason why I am asking her for her deposit

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Laura!

View Quoted Comment Totally makes sense and sounds like you are being more than fair! If that’s the case I’d send her one more message just saying that if she does want the professional makeup you’ll need her deposit by x date, and that if she doesn’t get it to you by then, you’re fine with her doing her own makeup 🤷🏻‍♀️

I personally would cover the deposit for her and have her pay you back closer to the wedding. And as far as the group chat I would be pretty annoyed as a bridesmaid to be in a group chat more than a year before the wedding. I would let her participate in what she wants but don’t force things because that will cause a lot of resentment. I’m saying this as a bride who got married in a city that’s extremely popular for weddings, had 10 bridesmaids in all different states, and didn’t have a single group chat and still everything got taken care of.

View Quoted Comment

True, will do!

View Quoted Comment Kudos to you Kelly! This groupchat was JUST now created for those who chose to get their makeup done so I can wrangle the deposits. Believe me, only person I have been talking to has been my MOH.

I'm with PP, back off the wedding talk for now. It's wayyyy too early, even for dresses and definitely for optional parties like a bachelorette and shower (which you shouldn't even be involved in planning anyway).

You say your friend has a multitude of issues but you don't really seem to care... Like others said, be a friend first and a bride second.

View Quoted Comment

So much this.

View Quoted Comment Awesome. Then I would just cover the deposit until she’s able to get it to you. I think that would be easiest.

If you “JUST now” created the group chat, why are you already saying she “never responds” in it?

Personally I would just pay the $27 deposit, and give her some space. Check in on her as a friend as others have said, and assure her that you aren’t forcing her into anything.

View Quoted Comment

Honestly, the fact that you said "you don't really seem to care" is so offensive and rude. You have no inkling of the nights I have spent cradling her, consoling her, putting my own issues aside to be there for her all of these years and being okay with the fact I never got a 'Are YOU okay?' in return. You have no clue that I myself struggle with anxiety, have come from an abusive home, and had to grow up way too fast to take care of my family. Please consider the things you say before posting them online.

View Quoted Comment

We can only go off the information you provide and that was my analysis based on what you said.

Best of luck.