House responsibilities

We don’t have designated chores. If I make dinner, she’ll do the dishes. If the laundry basket is full one of us will throw it in the washer. If it’s her day off and the bathroom needs to be cleaned, she’ll clean the bathroom. Have you talked to your partner about this?

We just both do things as they need to be done with both of us focusing on things we are better at or prefer to do. So for example, I prefer to do laundry (he would mix all fabrics & colors together lol), he prefers to do the dishes. We both cook equally (even though when we met he didn’t know how to make anything lol, he learned pretty quickly). He is in charge of carrying everything (I really hate carrying heavy stuff). The best thing is that we have a cleaning lady, so there are no arguments over cleaning the toilets 😆
So we are pretty even when it comes to house chores & I wouldn’t want it any other way!

Luckily for us we both like a clean home and things near so whatever needs to be done we just jump in and do it. One day I do laundry and the next he does it and the same with everything else. Lucky for me he does all the cooking because he is an amazing cook so I clean the kitchen and do all the dishes. I am very lucky to have an equal partner. You should talk to your FH before too much time goes by.

Fh works and i stay home i keep the kitchen, our room, laundry, occasionally the bathroom for cleaning. But his mom and brother live with us and the do nothing at all ever. i cleaned the bathroom the other day and there is a pare of dirty underwear behind the toilet that i said need to be picked up almost a week ago. and of course still not done. i just sigh and get over it i completely understand the doing more cleaning than other people though

I take on the majority of the household tasks because I stay at home with our kids right now, but my FH is always willing to help if I ask for it. His schedule keeps him really busy, but he does so much for us and he still finds time to take care of my car, yard work, picking up groceries, etc. How the two of you manage the household- whether you divide tasks or figure out something that works better for you, it’s definitely something you both need to be on the same page about.

My fiancé does his own laundry and he helps with dishes. I do most of the dishes and household laundry, plus all the scrubbing and house cleaning. I really don’t mind because I just want it to be done. I don’t care who does it. I appreciate him paying the rent so I don’t mind cleaning. Plus it’s like a stress relief for me.

I do pretty much everything. Taking care of little tasks is my love language (acts of service) but that doesn’t mean I don’t get annoyed sometimes when he doesn’t execute a simple request. He is trying and is really good about not bugging me if we have leftovers or laundry isn’t done because I’ve had a busy week. He just literally never learned and grew up in a house that was pretty slobbish most of the time, so he genuinely doesn’t see the mess I see, and doesn’t think of things that need done. But sometimes it can be exhausting to carry the mental load of knowing what has to get done/paid that week. Trash, lawn mowing and litter box scooping are his responsibilities and I literally refuse lol.

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Eww, that is so nasty! You're much kinder than me - I probably would've kicked them out. Life's too short to be gross and disrespectful of others' homes!

This is one area that always bugs me....I do a majority of the household chores. FH just plain doesnt get it when it comes to wanting a clean house. It's something we continue to work on.

I think FH and I evenly split up the housework. I actually love cleaning, so he tries letting me do my thing cause I'm very picky about cleanliness. He'll do cleaning if I ask him to, but most of the time I don't have to ask

View Quoted Comment We talk about the dishes often. He HATES doing the dishes and does them so slow! Everyone in his family will say how much he hates the dishes, but I don't really like them either. And I guess stuff is pretty even I don't really cook too often and will grocery shop alone maybe once a month and just like pick up eggs. His brother lives with us now and he helps out. The guys share the yard, the floors (this does not get done as often as I'd like and they will only vaccuum and never mop the hard wood) fbil will clean the bathroom (not to the extent I will, but I appreciate that he does it) and clean up after himself for the most part. FH will plug my phone in every night and bring me up water, make breakfast every morning, make smoothies majority of the work week, do all the Walmart shopping pretty much all the grocery shopping (we use HelloFresh 3 days out of the week for dinner), garbage and recycling take out... I just have to remind myself of all the things he does for me and the house sometimes.

Just wondering what everyone else does. A few of our friends say they do chores together, but we can never get stuff done together!

On a regular basis if we're both not super busy, it goes:
Me: dishes, grocery shopping, vacuuming, sweeping, cat box and laundry. Also every few months I deep clean our cars.
Him: garbage, recycling, filling up the gas tanks in our cars and driving (if we're going somewhere together, he drives). Also he's in charge of our budget/paying bills.
Both of us cook pretty evenly.
However, if he's packed busy for awhile, I'll pick up his chores (not the gas or the driving though) and if I'm packed busy, he'll do the dishes/laundry/grocery shopping.
There have been weeks to a month at a time where one of us won't be able to do our own chores, and the other will have to pick up the slack.
We split things pretty evenly, and I pretty much got to decide which chores he does.
When we first moved in together, for the first year, I did every chore. If I asked him to take out the trash, he'd say he was too tired from work (I was only working part time).
We had to go to a couple's therapist and have them get down to the root which was that 1, he felt like I didn't contribute enough financially so he bitterly wanted me to make up for it with cleaning and 2, that we have different understandings of what clean was/when cleaning had to be done.
That's a problem of the past for us now, he realized how unfair it was and apologized profusely. Now everything is balanced. It seems like a small problem to some, but couples therapy really solved that problem for us. He probably wouldn't have ever realized he was being unreasonable if we hadn't gone.

View Quoted Comment The mental exhaustion gets to me. I just always feel like a list is running through my head! And I also refuse to do somethings. I refuse to vacuum. I hate vacuuming.

View Quoted Comment I sometimes feel like I have to do more because he pays more bills. I have said this to him and he gets really upset at me for feeling that way.

I never really thought about him always driving. I never drive and that is a pretty big responsibility he takes on. I'll offer sometimes, but he always drives! Thanks for adding that in.

View Quoted Comment To be fair, when we had the issue where only I ever did the chores, I felt like I had to because I brought in way less money. It upset him that I felt that way, and he'd assure me that that wasn't the reason he didn't help, he just didn't have the time. It wasn't until we sat down with a therapist that he realized/admitted that he really did care and that that was actually the reason he wouldn't help me around the house.
But yeah, driving can be exhausting, I won't drive on the freeway so he even does the long drives (I'll drive on the highway though if it's a REALLY long drive).
But if you feel like chores are unfairly split, it's probably because they are. And if you bringing it up doesn't change the situation, maybe he needs to hear someone not in the relationship say that he needs to help more. I highly recommend couples counseling, it changed my relationship for the better.

My husband mostly does dishes and trash and I do things like laundry, vacuuming, and cleaning bathrooms. It kind of naturally happened that way over the years.

I feel like I have struggled with this over the course of our relationship (chores), but I’ve come to realize a few things and accept others and it has made a big difference. First, you two most likely have different standards of “clean” as well as how you rank priorities. It’s also worth accepting whatever upbringing he had plays a big role in how me manages his current responsibilities. My FH does clean, but I would always complain about the job he did... to me it just wasn’t clean. So any super dirty things that need attention I usually do, and I’ve come to accept that it is actually my own OCD that’s the culprit. He could do a good job but the only way I would feel it’s done right is if I do it myself. No sense in dragging him down with my own obsessive behavior. We have learned what each other’s expectations are and now we divide things up to better cater to our strengths. I do a lot of the inside house work and he does outside. We shop together and apart in an even manner. I could go into the details but ultimately I would say that reminding yourself of the things he does do for you is important. He sounds like a good guy who is trying and that is better than most. I also think it’s important to not measure in your relationship. Don’t measure against each other or against other couples, do what feels right for you and what makes you happy. Address what doesn’t make you happy in a clear way. Every relationship really is different.

Well this will be my second marriage. My ex never did anything at all. My fiancé had the same experience with his ex and we are kinda neat freaks lol

thankfully this time my fiancé helps. I actually enjoy cleaning and I usually do that. He will usually empty/load the dishwasher, take out trash, do laundry or straighten up the kitchen. We really never divided up chores we just kinda do whatever needs to be done.

We focus on our skillsets. I'm an organizer and he's a cleaner. I'm the cook, but he's the griller. We do our own laundry separately because we have different methods/needs (I work in an office and he is in construction). I make sure the dishes are done 99% of the time, he handles trash night. He walks the dog and we share feeding her twice a day depending when we are up. Outside of those things, if something needs to be done and you see it, you do it. Sometimes we help each other with the super tedious things like dusting and windexing while listening to Amazon music on a rainy Saturday.

We do everything together actually or if he does the laundry I'll be the one to fold it then, etc but generally we try to contribute evenly