Laura
Master October 2019

Horrible birthday

Laura, on October 7, 2019 at 12:59 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 29
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Just need to vent a little. Yesterday was my birthday, my 50th birthday. I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't for pretty much everyone in my life to totally ignore it. I have never been one to need gifts, people who know me know that. They know i'm more of a sentimental person. I love cards, I love phone calls. I'm not a bit texter, but texts would have been nice. Emails. Instead what I got were messages on Facebook from people I don't really know. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact they took time out to wish me a happy birthday.

When my brother and his wife each turned 50 I took them out to dinner and got them a small gift. Did I get that back? Nope. I didn't do that for them so they would do it in return, but it would have been nice. I would have settled for a McDonald's hamburger.

I'm not mad at my fiancee, not at all. He's a plumber and on call right now so he couldn't take me anywhere. He feels horrible for that. None of his kids, my future stepkids who say they love me and are happy i'm marrying their dad even contacted me. That hurt me more than I can put into words. My fiancee brought me home a hostess cupcake which I thought was sweet.

It's hard when I see people who i went to school with, or even my cousins who turned 50 getting surprise parties,big birthday parties, lunches, etc. I was supposed to have a mini bachelorette night with my bridesmaid that my FH surprised me with, but all she wanted to do was go to dinner and bring me home. I had no shower, no parties of any kind from her or my niece/MOH. I just really wish I had people around me who thought enough of me to make an effort like I do. I wish I wasn't so hurt. I spent the majority of my birthday in tears. I know birthdays don't have to be a big deal, but I just felt like since I was turned 50 it would have been nice for my friends, my family, and my soon-to-be family to care enough to at least acknowledge it

i'm not trying to get any pity, i'm not. I just know my FH feels so bad and I don't want to make him feel any wore. I needed to let it out so I can try and feel better

how I feelHorrible birthday 1


29 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on October 8, 2019 at 10:37 AM
  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I'm sorry. I know how it feels to see people have big birthdays and then not get one yourself. It seemed like everyone I knew had a big 30th birthday party, then come my 30th birthday H had to practically beg people to come to my party and I think I ended up with like, 4 people besides me and H. It seems like people always have an excuse for not coming to my birthdays. I told H I don't even really want to bother having parties anymore after that but he keeps trying.

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag

    *hugs* I'm so sorry. I know that feeling very well. And you are totally justified in feeling that way when efforts made are not reciprocated.

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry your birthday wasn't what you hoped for, I can't believe that your children didn't even contact you. I've felt the same for my whole life honestly. I've always gone above and beyond for my best friends or boyfriends over the years, literally treating every single birthday like it is the biggest event of their life so far. I always put so much thought and time and effort into birthdays for the people closest to me and I've never once had an amazing birthday like all the ones I've provided for others. It's not so much that we expect exactly what we did in return and that's not why we do it, but it hurts to think that someone you love doesn't want to do everything you did for them on your special days in life. I hope you feel better soon and treat yourself to something nice. I know it doesn't make it any better, but happy belated birthday Smiley heart

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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
    • Flag
    That sucks and I’m sorry. Happy belated birthday!
    • Reply
  • Eyonna
    Devoted May 2021
    Eyonna ·
    • Flag

    Happy Belated Birthday Hun! I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I too have experienced the same situation. I'm always one to support my closest friends and when my birthday comes along it seems as though its an afterthought. FH doesn't like it that for the years that we've been together my birthday rolls around and the thought/support doesn't get reciprocated when he puts something together for me. I now only want to go away for my birthday. Don't want to be set up by the disappointment. I also don't care about receiving gifts...the time and the memory means so much more to me. I truly am sorry that you are feeling this way and I hope you feel better; crying on your 50th birthday breaks my heart; ugh!

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Happy Birthday. That’s unfortunate. But it doesn’t sound like it’s new behavior from your family and friends. It’s ok to throw yourself a party. So maybe next year you can put together a party to celebrate “The 1st anniversary of your 50th birthday”. I did that when I turned 35 😁
    • Reply
  • Sonya
    Dedicated February 2021
    Sonya ·
    • Flag
    I totally get it.. I have always thrown surprise parties for big birthdays for family and friends on top of baby showers over the years and bridal parties.. I even thru my ex sister in law who ran off to Vegas to get married a surprise reception.. but yeah no baby showers for me or when I got married 25 yrs ago no one threw me a bridal shower.. my 40th birthday passed 4 yrs ago and I hinted I wanted a party and guess what NOTHING.. I hate to be that person but it eats at me all the time.. still hurts me when I think of everything I have done for so many people over the yrs and no one has EVER done something like that for me.. and I hate when people say well you dont do it so other do it back that's selfish. It's not even that it's the hurt you feel wishing someone would like to make you feel special and want to do something nice for you... it's hard to explain but I know how you feel...I honestly don't have my hopes up for anything this time around for my second wedding. Same group of people (my ex sister in law is my MOH again..lol my ex hisbands sister..lol) we are still good friends.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry you've had to go through this! Sending love and hugs your way Smiley heart

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
    • Flag
    Oh no! I’d also be hurt if my FAMILY & BFFs didn’t even want to do something special. 😭 🤗

    I had a rad 40th bday, the best ever, and reading this post I realized it’s because I threw it for myself. There was a big pool party going on in our apartment complex that weekend so I booked a private poolside cabana, bought more booze, & invited 6 amazing friends to celebrate with me. It’s not too late to throw the kind of party you want whether it been Happy Hour, a Sunday tea party, or a fun movie night out.

    When my BFF had her 50th, she hosted it at a sushi restaurant. I know you would have preferred a “you” kind of friend to throw yours but nothing wrong with you doing for yourself.
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I can't afford it, especially with the wedding less than two weeks away. Nothing for my 30th or 40th either. I've had to give myself parties before, and my heart wasn't in it again. I think it just hurts to find out that you don't matter to the people in your life like that matter to you

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    Thank you very muchSmiley heart That's why I came here, I knew there would be people who understand. I feel more cared about here right now than in my "real" life

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I get that. When I got married the first time I had to give myself a shower. I didn't have the money or the desire to to that again. I helped plan several surprise parties for people, showers, birthday parties. Not sure why I keep doing it when no one cares enough for me to do anything for me. I'm just a nice person and it bites me in the butt most of the time. I didn't have anything done for any of my other milestone birthdays either.

    it's awesome that you and she are still friends!!

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    No it's not new. I just figured with my family that since a big deal was made over their 50th birthdays mine would at least get some mention. I don't think i'll do a party. If people don't think enough of me to at least wish me a happy birthday I doubt they'd make the time to come to a party. I do appreciate the idea though. Hopefully next year my FH won't be on call and at least we can do something

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    My fiancee is angry that I got hurt. He's pretty mad at his family and mine. One son called him to ask for something and he told him I was in tears because no one cared it was my birthday. He made some lame excuse that he would have called but he had to work. He went into work at 3 P.M. I would rather his just say he forgot then to lie and make an excuse.

    I'd love to say i'm doing doing stuff for people, but I know me. I'm a softie with a big stupid heart that likes to do stuff for people. I set myself up

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    Thank you very muchSmiley heart

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    My FH is pretty upset with his kids for it. He's not to happy with my family either. It breaks him to see me hurt and crying. He tries so hard to portray this gruff exterior, but it's an act, ESPECIALLY where i'm concerned. I'm sorry to hear you get made to feel this way too

    The last time I had a semi good birthday was in 1989 when I turned 20. the day itself was terrible, so-called friends actually stood me up...but my brother felt so bad he took me to dinner, just he and I...then two days later his son, my adorable nephew was born. I to this day call him the best birthday gift i've ever gotten. My nephew did call me, made my day.

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    Thank you. I didn't mean to sound like a whiner. I just needed to talk about itSmiley heart

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    You don't at all Smiley heart

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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I'm sorry you had to go though that too. I've never had anyone do anything for me on any milestone birthday. I would have been happy with at least a few phone calls. I have a cell phone and a landline.....so I am easy to get a hold of if anyone actually cared to

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry that happened to you! My birthday was the 28th of September and my FH spent the day at a 8 hour safety meeting that started at 8AM and was two hours away.. My family lives 4 hours away so like you my birthday consisted of "Happy Birthday" messages on Facebook. I am grateful for those who took the time to say happy birthday but this year felt like just another day. My best friend even forgot to tell me happy birthday..
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