Honoring late sister at wedding

Please do not release butterflies. 1. They can die in the box beforehand 2. If they aren’t native to the environment they can die or kill local butterflies

I think whatever you do needs to be your FH’s call and you need to keep your FILs in mind. If her death was tragic, I don’t think honoring her with a big, noticeable gesture is emotionally appropriate.

First, don't do a butterfly release. They are living beings, not props for your wedding. Second, have you talked to your FH and his parents about what they want to do to honor his sister? While its a nice idea, it might bring up some sad emotions at what is supposed to be a happy occasion. I'm not saying you shouldn't honor her but you need to talk to your FH and his family about it before any plans are made.

I kind of thought a surprise would be nice. Are Doves a better idea?

I think it’s beautiful that you want to honor her memory in such a way. The only concern I would have is that it may be difficult to get the butterflies. I know it’s kinda random but what about ladybugs? I love ladybugs because when my grandfather passed away I kept seeing them everywhere. Apparently they have a lot of symbolic meaning related to happiness and luck. My FH one year bought me a box of ladybugs apparently off of amazon and we released them in a park. It was amazingly beautiful. Just an idea since they were easy to get and it was a pretty unique idea.

Yeah potentially killing or injuring live animals doesn't feel like a good tribute to me.

Losing a young daughter tragically like that is very very sad. I am not sure I would do a public declaration, as I am sure your FH's sister would not want your happy occasion to be about her untimely death.

If this were me, I would want to do something private. Use her favorite flower in your bouquet, dance to her favorite song, make your FH a pair of cufflinks with her picture or initials.

Also, how long ago was this? Did you know her? If you'd like to do something, perhaps a charm with her picture on it on your bouquet?

My mom passed last December, and I am wearing her "family" ring on my middle finger of my left hand. FH's parents both passed years ago. The only other thing we are doing is mentioning our parents by name on our programs (without noting that, other than my dad, they have all passed).

View Quoted Comment I agree with you about them being living beings and should not be props. Butterflies have such a short life expectancy too that I don’t see the beauty in releasing them as much. The ladybugs are sold because people like having them in their gardens and they are kept in a case with plenty of food until released.

Lady bugs!! That is a very cute idea! They have a few sites that release live butterflies that actually help the environment due to where I am located. I just want to hear if anyone had a similar situation and how they handled it.

I’m sorry but this would be the worst surprise ever. Please do not surprise his parents and him by bringing up his sister’s passing in the middle of your wedding.

She has been gone for 10+ years.

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I have mentioned this to FH he thinks it's a great idea.

Don’t ever do anything with any live animals.

You could do photos

I'm doing a bouquets charm with the photo of my love one who can't make it.

View Quoted Comment Don't release doves! They're raised in captivity and die after they are released into the wild. It's the same as turning out a family dog and expecting it to survive on its own!!!!

Honestly, I know you want it as a surprise but it might be better to ask them how they felt about it. I was dead set on doing the picture thing of my grandparents who recently passed, but something just didn’t set right with me. I finally asked my mom (it was her parents) and she broke down crying saying she appreciates thinking about them, but seeing a picture of them there would have been hard for her to be happy, because it was a constant reminder that this was just another remember that she has passed and that she would have given the world to have my grandma watch me walk down the aisle.

So instead I picked a dress that would show my tattoo I have in my grandma’s honor. I would do something something small that means a lot to you guys but doesn’t draw attention as well.

Edit: I said “recently” but my grandfather passed 3 years ago this Jan and it will be almost 10 for my grandmother in April.

I’m going to dedicate a song at the reception for all of our loved ones who have passed

I appreciate where your heart is, but I agree with other PPs who have said don't do this as a surprise. I would talk to your parents about your idea to see if it wouldn't be too emotional for them. There is a time and place for things like this. Your wedding may not be the best time or place because they they may already have raw emotions at your wedding, so the reminder of their daughter not being there may be more than they can handle. But only they can tell you that.

Your heart is in the right place, but a wedding is not a memorial service. If your FH wants to remember his sister on your wedding day, I would consider doing photo cuff links or something subtle. The last thing you want on the happiest day of your life is to make your family and friends feel like they're at a funeral.