Honoring Deceased Mom

You will ultimately decide what you want to do, but when firmly deciding in the end, consider any guests that still get sad even at the mention of the deceased's family member.

My dad died 4 years ago. His sister (my aunt), was at our wedding. She still has a hard time even saying his name without crying. I thought about memorializing my dad in so many ways throughout planning our wedding. In the end, I concluded this was a happy occasion. I did not want to highlight any sadness. I certainly did not want to make any of my guests sad at this happy time of my life either. The subtle ways in which I thought of my dad at the wedding? Walking down the aisle I thought of him, and felt him with me in spirit; I had the dj play some of his favorite songs in instrumental during the cocktail hour, but nobody knew this, it wasn't announced, only those closest to him would hear the song and think "hey, this was one of his songs that he really liked" (he was a musician). Just something to think about. Everyone is different.

Both my parents are deceased. I was planning on having a memorial table but forgot to bring the pictures with me the day I brought everything to our venue. I had a piece of my dad's shirt sewn into my dress. I danced with my sister (MOH) for the father/daughter dance in his memory.

There are many different things you can do to honor her. I'll tell you what I'm doing for my dad and FH's dad: I have a bouquet charm with a photo of my dad and FH has a pocket watch with a photo of his dad. We will also have a little memorial table near our place cards with photos of our dads and a little plaque that says "We know you'd be here today if Heaven weren't so far away." At some point during the reception, the DJ will play "Always & Forever" because that was my parents' song. I would advise against the empty chair thing because I think it can be a little difficult for people and distracts from the ceremony. Also, FH is dancing with his mom and I'm not dancing with anyone. Of course people may notice that I'm not having a dance with my dad, and that's ok. I just don't feel up to dancing with anyone else in his absence. However, if you decide to dance with your sister, I also think that's a sweet idea.

FH lost his mom six months before we met. We are honoring her in subtle ways. My engagement ring was hers, so I will have that on me day of of course. We put "son of FHs moms name" on the invites. We are having a candle with her name and our grandparents who have passed. It will be pre lit and during the ceremony it will be mentioned that the candle is in honor of a loving mother, grandparents and friends who have passed. No specific names will be mentioned.

FH is dancing with his grandmother. He may try to dance to his mother's favorite song. We had also considered having me and my dad dance at the same time as him and his nana, but we couldn't agree on a song. We would have had the DJ call it a family dance. That might work for you and would call less attention to the fact that she isn't there.

We opted not to do the open chair as its a very blatant reminder. This is your choice, but as the pp said it could open wounds for people just seeing it. Just something to consider. I do think putting the roses on her chair is super sweet if you do the empty chair.

I would also suggest not doing the empty chair. Someone has to sit next to it and it may be difficult for them. Definitely honor your Mom; does she have anything you can carry with you down the aisle? I've also seen nice charms that can hold a picture that some brides have tied on their bouquets.

I honored my mother by still having her name on my wedding invite, included her wedding hat as decor on my guestbook table and had a charm on my bouquet with her wedding picture in it. I was going to do an empty chair but took the advice from the girls here and didn't. Just like it hard for you it's hard for others.

One couple memorialized the groom's younger sister who had tragically died her senior year in a car accident by taking her favorite pair of cowgirl boots and using them as part of the ceremony decor. They also took one family portrait with the groom's parents and the cowgirl boots placed on the floor next to the bride. This definitely isn't for everyone however.

Please do not do the empty chair; these kind of graphic symbols are very upsetting to other people (and probably you too) during a ceremony or reception. Bouquet charms, mentions of the person in the ceremony, photos, a candle lighting during the ceremony, her favorite music or flower in your bouquet; these are subtle ways of remembering her without unraveling the day, which should be a joyful one (even with bittersweet moments)

I'm sorry for your loss.

We just lost FH's father almost 3 weeks ago now. We have already started thinking of ways to memorialize him on our day which was also to be FH's parents 38th wedding anniversary. This day is going to be hard rearguard less of what we do for so many reasons.

We are doing the empty chair next to his mother at the end of the aisle were he would have sat with his hat (his boutonniere that I had made for him already) & his favorite tobacco pipe on it. We will also have a table during the reception with all the pictures of those who we wished could be there with us. We will probably play some of his favorite music & FH might dance with his mother to his parents wedding song.

These are just ideas right now & only the chair is set in stone because he mother loves the idea. These things are not easy & can def. be hard for some. I would consider everyone's feelings during your decision process. Good luck!

Give the empty chair some extra thought. I went to a wedding where the bride had lost her mom a few years back and when she turned to look at the crowd during the ceremony, she saw the empty chair and started crying (even though it was likely her idea to leave it empty). Remember this is a happy occasion, so little subtle reminders of your loved ones is perfect to remind you of them - you don't need them to be so in your face.

My dad passed away about a year and a half ago. At our wedding I had pictures of him attached to my bouquet and we also had a "Memory table" that had pictures of all of our loved ones that have previously passed away with lots of candles and a sign that read "We'd know you'd be here today if Heaven weren't so far away."

Edited because I can't spell correctly lol

I agree with Celia. Who is supposed to sit next to that empty chair? I would not to sit next to a chair honoring my dead husband, that would be so heartbreaking.

I don't think you should dance with your sister during the mother son dance (that is how I read your comment). Would you have danced with your mom at your wedding if she were still living?

One other thing to remember: YOU may be ok with these things but your grandparents, other siblings of yours, other siblings of your mothers, etc may not handle these things very well. You need to keep them in mind also when you decide how to honor your mom. I am a big believer in doing something personal and quiet. I say this as a kid whose dad died when I was 4 and my mom died when I was 10. I was all over honoring them when I got married and people had to convince me why I needed to hold back a bit. I am so glad they did.

@LyndseyEileenPhotography - that cowgirl boot thing is creepy!

Live, Love, Laugh and absolutely Dance with your sister in honor of your mom! That's my advice. Each family is different in their emotional response. I sometimes start with a moment of remembrance, and then bring the tempo up with the opening words. To me the empty chair always speaks more loudly of the loss than the blessing of having had a great parent. Love the charm though.

Thank you all for your feedback, it's nice getting all the opinions.

While I agree with some of you on the empty chair being a blatant reminder of loss and sadness. My FH and I don't see it as that. We see it more as that she is there watching the ceremony and we're giving her a seat. As far as who we think would sit next to it, we were planning on having the wedding party sit in the first row, and so my groomsmaid and best friend from college would be sitting next to it (mind you, they never met my mother). I'll give it a bit more thought. But all of your input helps greatly

I've said this a lot, but I'm wearing my Mother's veil and having her picture on a bouquet charm.

Also rather than a memory table, I'm asking guests to bring their wedding portraits. This way deceased and the living could a lll be honored. Its a way of showing the blending of the families. Mom and Grandma will be front and center though.

I lost my mother at a young age and my grandparents helped my dad raise me. My dad got married again when I was around 15 or so. My grandmother is who i thought of first to dance with during the mother/son dance but I'm torn on whether or not to dance with my step mother as well bc she was with me for like 15 years. Do you think she would be offended or should be upset if i only danced with my grandmother for the mother/groom dance?

MY FH and I have lost both of our parents and my FH also lost his sister and sister-in-law, who was like a sister to him. We are having pictures of each at the cocktail party. Since my FH's sister-in-law just passed away about a year ago, we did ask his brother if he would be okay with a picture as we did not want it to be upsetting for him.

You should honor those you miss in whatever way is comfortable to you but I do think you should also think about how your siblings/dad feel about the method you are using as you don't want it to be so upsetting that it takes away from the happiness of the day.

I am very sorry for your loss and wish you great joy for your wedding.