Honorary Bridesmaids

It is not your friends' job to plan things and help your day go smoothly. That is the job of a wedding coordinator that you hire and pay money. Your friends should be able to enjoy your day as guests.

Cats B - yes, when I had helped my friend who didn't have a title either but she gave special recognition to me and our other friend that helped during a toast at the reception. I don't want to do that but would like to recognize them in some way.

Most people secretly hate being guestbook attendant, I think. It's a consolation prize that forces someone to work instead of just enjoy the day. You shouldn't be asking them to do any work that day. If they're helping you plan, get them a thank you gift and write a nice card. Don't show your appreciation by voluntelling them for extra tasks.

Emily S.- for our family and in our area it is traditionally done this way. It will be done this way for our wedding too. I was just hoping to honor my friend and sisters in law. I'm not asking you if you think I should ask them to help. I won't even have to, they've already offered to do whatever they can. I was asking about recognition as a thank you for helping in addition to a gift I will get them.

That's weird. I wasn't aware that it was "tradition" in PA to have friends ensure your wedding runs smoothly.

My friend is from there, and she hired a DOC. I was able to enjoy the wedding without a "job".

It's clear you don't care for anyone's input, you just made that obvious.

ETA - words

Guestbooks don't need attendants. People know how to sign a guestbook. A card and a gift is all you need.

JamieLynn, I don't mean all of PA. I can't speak for all people in PA. It's kind of a big place. In our area it is customary to help in any way you can, wedding or not. Asked to or not. I asked for advice on if I should call these people that will be helping honorary bridesmaids and I got a resounding "NO!" And I'm not calling them that anymore, so now I'm asking what to do to recognize these people. I also asked a MOH question which has been answered, so I think I'm taking advice that I asked for. I didn't ask if I should ask my friends to help. I didn't ask if you know that everyone in PA is not in the same social circle. These are the things that you've offered advice on so I will not be taking yours.

Good point Stephanie. I will probably just ask them to help with wedding related tasks as they offered and not give a title. I will probably just put a note on the program that says something like "thank you to everyone for coming and celebrating our special day. Special thanks to those who helped coordinate everything" and they will know it's them we're mentioning.

The best way you could honor them is decline their offer, hire someone to do those "tasks," and let them just enjoy the day as a guest.

Stephanie, I would not trade the times I helped my friends with their wedding stuff and the memories made doing so. My friends and I are very crafty and love DIY. When I think of the favors I helped make or shower invitations I addressed I think of my friends and I sitting around our dining room tables talking, laughing, and hot gluing until we were exhausted and loving it. So whatever I come up with for us to do, I'll expect more of the same.

OP - When people on a wedding forum are trying to help you out, and make your day a wonderful, beautiful day - I think that is great. Sometimes we get input on things we don't ask about - and it helps us from making bad decisions. It happens here. EVERY DAY.

1. You didn't ask us if you should ask your friends should help at your wedding. I gave my feedback. Personally, I think it is rude, and you aren't "honoring" them by putting them to work.

2. You mentioned it was tradition in your area, I mentioned I went to a wedding in your area, and had a differing experience.

Don't take my advice, no hurt feelings here. Your circus, your monkeys.

I think for the day of though I will take your advice and just let them enjoy and tell them if they'd like to get ready with us, they are more than welcome to.

JamieLynn I appreciate your help trying to help avoid a "mistake". I hope your friends help you with anything you need next year on your big day or the months leading up to it.

I think you have a good solution for what works with your friends. Best of luck

No it's stupid and honestly offensive. Make them bridesmaids or guests, not in between

Maybe we're just meaner in NJ.....

Here are some concepts you'll hate.

1. Bridesmaids help to the extent that they are moved and able. By the time my MOH and I hand colored all my dumb invites we'd gone through hundreds of dollars of champagne and almost ruined our friendship.... My memory is arguing over the shade of purple.

2. No junior anythings. No honorary anythings. Adding these layers of other humans is part of what makes wedding days so insane; the bigger the entourage, the more hassle, the more expense. This is precisely the type of bridal bloat that has almost everyone insane, wondering why they didn't elope.

3. Not everyone is overjoyed to be included in wedding party; it's an investment of time and money to be in a wedding, and it's not everyone's cup of tea.

4. Many friends will have the exact opposite effect on your wedding. They will NOT make it go smoother. I would recommend reading all the bridesmaid related posts that have appeared here in the last three months.

As for a maid and matron of honor, that's fine.

Celia thanks for your input. I'll keep that in mind. I will no longer be having any honorary bridesmaids but I will be having my sister still as a junior bridesmaid. I'm hoping my MOH has no issues, as she is the owner of a graphic design company and I'll be hiring her company to do all my stationary. We have different tastes but hopefully since she does things like this all the time for clients with all different tastes, it won't be an issue. Eta- punctuation

YW! It'll be a LOT easier for you

In my opinion, honorary BM= girl who was asked to be a BM, but couldn't make it because it's a destination wedding for her/ she is sick/ family emergency/ circumstances beyond her control. I also don't get the junior BM title. I think having a maid and matron of honor is fine. Just let your sisters in law be guests. It's not an honor to have to work at a reception.

OP, we have differing views on this, and that is okay, I can agree to disagree. While my friends are willing to help, I'm taking a different approach.

This is my wedding. They are my guests. I will treat them as such.