Honorary Bridesmaids

Also, please ignore my wedding date, we had to postpone. I forgot to change it. We are planning for next September.

Also, regarding the honorary bridesmaids, I would not ask them to wear a specific dress, and I'd give them a nice corsage as a recognition instead of a bouquet as they will not be walking down the aisle.

Honestly, I don't understand the concept. I wouldn't want to be an "honorary" bridesmaid. Just ask them if they would do a reading, direct people to sign the guest book, etc...

Yea I dont get the honorary thing. I am only having 3 BM's and two junior BM's. I have close friends I didnt ask because I want to keep it small. They understand and are just happy being guests. If you do honorary its still making it a big bridal party meaning more gifts and money spent.

I'd honestly be kind of hurt if I were asked to be an "honorary bridesmaid." Please just invite them as guests.

Do you gals think it would be ok to ask them to help with directing guests and things but then put a special thank you in the program for them or something? I would get them a gift of gratitude regardless of title, so it's not about saving money or not. It's more that I want to recognize them in some way. And I think it seems smaller still since they won't be standing up front but seated with the other guests during the ceremony. For the reception, we are not doing a head table, so the entire wedding party will be seated among the other guests as well.

Also, any comments on the maid/matron of honor question?

I think honorary bridesmaid is a weird concept, because bridesmaid itself is an honorary role. Please don't ask them to direct guests or anything like that. Just let them enjoy the day. If they help host a shower, get them thank you gifts for doing that. Having both matron and maid of honor is fine.

Yes, it's okay to have two MOH's. And I think it would be okay to mention them in a program if you have them do a reading or something special or just acknowledging them with an appreciation gift is nice too.

I honestly feel like if someone asked me to be an "honorary bridesmaid", I'd feel pretty crappy. If I'm not a bridesmaid, that's fine - but if asked to be what seems to me a "second best" bridesmaid, I'd feel really awkward.

Can they just be guests?

Rebecca, the reason I would ask them to help with that sort of thing is because for my 2 sisters in law, that's what I've done for them at their weddings. For my brother and his wife I greeted all the guests and directed them to the gift table so the could drop off their gifts or cards and then directed them to the ceremony area. Then after the ceremony while the bridal party was getting pictures, I was there to help the guests find their way around and things, sort of like a host. For my friend who I was thinking of asking I was basically a bridesmaid for her but didn't wear a special dress or stand at the front. She just wanted them and their parents at the front. But we planned her shower and bachelorette party and helped her get ready and tended to her dress while she was doing pictures outside. I was asked to do all this and I was happy to do it and I think they would be too.

To your MOH queston, I am having a Matron of Honor and Maid of Honor. It's fine to have two.

No honorary BMs, please! What you really want is to ask them to be ushers, which is when their job is to greet guests and direct them to what they need. Originally, the term usher was used as a synonym with groomsmen, and the groomsmen would arrive to the church early and do exactly what you describe. But somewhere in the last thirty years, it's changed, in the US at least, and we have separate ushers from GMs. If it's not feasible to have the GMs do the seating and guiding of guests, then ask your girlfriends to be ushers. Tell them you'd appreciate their help on the day-of as ushers, to shepherd people as you describe. But please do not call them Honorary BMs.

Here's a pic of my brother, a GM, ushering two guests to their seats.

The boys will be there earlier than you and the girls, so there's really no reason they can't do this for you.

I'm sorry but can somebody explain to me what a junior bridesmaid is? What does a bridesmaid do that requires a junior version of it? Does it just mean they're too young to go to the bachelorette party or does it include some kind of different thing than a regular bridesmaid? I'm genuinely curious!

Also I agree with everybody else, to me honorary bridesmaid doesn't really mean anything besides "not-bridesmaid". If you are having a small wedding that means you're inviting people you feel close to so I'm sure they feel happy to be celebrating a special occasion for you. Personally I don't think wedding roles need to be tit-for-tat or you'd go crazy trying to make everything even from other peoples' weddings.

Please don't make anyone work at your wedding. It is not an honor to greet guests and direct them to the gift table or direct them around the reception - it is work. Work should be left up to paid professionals. Your friends and family would much rather attend as guests. Just because you were asked to work at someone else's wedding doesn't mean you should do the same thing. And "honorary bridesmaid" is lame

- it just means they were second choice bridesmaids which is again not an honor. Regarding your other question, it's fine to have both a matron and maid of honor.

Rebecca, I know what an usher is, what I did is not an usher. We will have 3 groomsmen and 2 ushers, one of which will be my brother also. I have already surpassed the honorary bridesmaids title but I'm just trying to figure out how to honor these people that will not be bridesmaids but undoubtedly will be helping plan things and making our day go smoothly.

Why do they need special recognitions in your program? I'm not trying to be rude. I just don't get the production of it all. If I didn't have a title in a friends wedding, I 1) would love to go as a guest, and 2) I would do whatever she needed that day. No recognitions necessary. I know you're trying to be thoughtful, but I believe you are over thinking this.

Botty, jr. Bridesmaid is traditionally someone you feel should be recognized and up front with you but not yet of a marrying age.

Question for OP - you mentioned they will be "making our day go smoothly". So are they doing things similar to what a DOC would do?

If so, that sounds like alot of work for your friends.

We didn't have a bridal party, but we had a lot of friends who helped us on the day of the wedding and celebrated with us in the days before. We called them "friends."

No, not that involved. As I said previously I would ask them to do similar to a guestbook attendant or "host" of sorts. I would picture a DOC being at the venue all day ensuring everything is set up perfectly and helping get everyone down the aisle in the right time and order. I'm not asking my friends to do that.