Honorary bridesmaid.. rude? Or great idea ?

Why can't she be a bridesmaid along with the cousins? It's not like you're replacing one of them with her.Is she expecting to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't want to be an honorary bridesmaid

Not rude. I have someone who I said they can where what the wedding party is wearing if they want and do what we do (whatever that is) they asked to be a bridesmaids. I told them so wasn't having bridesmaids just a generic wedding party and I felt it was already kind of big (16) and the ceremony space isn't huge. All my siblings are in it (7), friends (4) that are Christian and would be willing to pray with me etc before hand, my business partner (I was in his) and my FH has his sibling and three friends. But I told her she can sit at the table with them and were the same colors and and she was okay with that.

You’re either a bridesmaid or you’re not. It’s great that you appreciate her help, but giving her a title without any of the honor is a really back handed “thank you.”

View Quoted Comment My fiancé is only having 3 groomsman and I’m having 4 bridesmaids. The number is already off I didn’t really want to add anyone else.

View Quoted Comment Even if I included her in everything? I was even going to invite her to my bridesmaid proposal night and give her a honorary bridesmaid proposal box

View Quoted Comment So...just make her a bridesmaid?

View Quoted Comment I suppose. So my fiancé would have 3 groomsman and I would have 5 bridesmaids. I hate these kinds of decisions. BeCause then if I didn’t include her at all then I’m just a horrible person

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Do you have two brothers or cousins that you are close with that could be the other two groomsmen?

View Quoted Comment There’s nothing wrong with uneven sides.

View Quoted Comment I get the uneven sides thing, that is hard. We had this problem because I couldn’t pick between 2 of my friends so I just asked both. That made our total 7 BMs and only 6 GM. It ended up working out because one of my girls went cray cray on me so she was removed from the party 🤣 but I 100% get not wanting uneven sides. Personally I think it looks super goofy. Does your fiancé have any work buddies or cousins or anyone he could ask? If he could make that work I would just make her a BM and have your fiancé find 2 more guys! If that doesn’t work I would get her a nice meaningful gift and just explain that you are appreciative of all her help and she is still a special person to you even though she isn’t technically in the party.

I have an honorary bridesmaid and it is FHs older sister. She is autistic and FH and FMIL said that she wouldn’t be able to handle everything so she’ll be in the same color but she’ll be seated during the ceremony.

What is an honorary bridesmaid anyway?

I think it is not nice to the honorary person, or to the rest of your bridesmaids. She is or is not a BM. . . . If you want to recognize her in the program as a friend who has been especially helpful, that is fine. But whether you define being honorary bridesmaid as someone you honor, and are exempting her from all the awful obligations others have of dressing the part while the other have to get the dress etc or be dropped from the wedding party, or as not quite good enough for the whole honor of being recognized publicly as a friend, just given " the special privilege of staying with the bride during preparation time" it sounds AWFUL.

View Quoted Comment This is a very nice accommodation to a handicap, to cater to the fact that the person would have problems with the stress of publicly doing the role. The OP situation is just not wanting her to be part of the cousin's club or give her any role when she is quite able to do it. One is inclusive, the other excluding.

Yes, I think it would be ruder to say "I see you doing all the things a bridesmaid would do, and I want to invite you to all that stuff, but I can't quite make you one because of uneven sides." I would stick to saying that it is tradition that you and your cousins are all the bridal party IF it comes up that she isn't one.
I would not invite her to the "be my bridesmaid" party, but it is NOT weird at all to tell someone you want them at a brunch, and the bachellorette party, and the bridal shower or whatever else. Just dont ask her to help with funds or diy, unless she offers the DIY help. I was just in a wedding that had one or two people close to the bride who were at the bachellorette party and helped out with some other stuff, was never weird at all. People understand it is hard to choose bridesmaids!

If you would want her in your bridal party, I say put her in, despite the uneven numbers. It doesn't really look that odd or anything, no one is going to bat an eye at your uneven sides. If this is someone you are close with and will regret them not being in it, go for it. But if it is just because she is being supportive and helpful around your wedding, that doesn't necessarily mean she needs to be a bridesmaid either. I have one friend who loves weddings and is really knowledgeable about them, she helped me out a lot to pick a venue and is continuously offering to help with any DIY. I am super appreciative, but she will not be my bridesmaid, or at activities like that, we aren't close enough for that. I have one or two other friends who I would potentially invite to the bachellorette party, not because they are helping, but because we are close friends. But just because that is my definition of who I'd like going to what, doesn't at all mean it should be yours! If for you, someone helping and invested means they should attend those events, then invite them!
Best of luck, it sounds like you are being considerate and trying to figure out the best way to show her you appreciate her. No matter what decision you make, this is what will come across, and I'm sure she'll know that.

View Quoted Comment That was actually very helpful Thank you! I truly appreciate everything she does however I just really want my cousins as bridesmaids. 30 years down the line I know that I’ll be able to look at my wedding pictures and smile because family is forever. I hear so many horror stories about how ppl done talk to their bridesmaids and stuff anymore. I just prefer to keep it all family,however,still show my love and appreciate to others

View Quoted Comment Lol exactly! U just answered my question in a sorta kinda way. 30 years down the line when I’m look at my wedding pictures I want to be able to smile. Family is forever no matter how much my cousins and I get on each other’s nerves we’re stuck together for life lol. I don’t want to look at my pics and be like damn I don’t even speak to her anymore. I just prefer keeping it at family (as well as even sides lol)

View Quoted Comment Exactly! Those photos last forever and you want to be pleased with who is in them. Not to say that this friend of yours won’t be in your life for years to come. But, people grow up and life gets in the way sometimes. Just let her know how much you care for her and the love you have for her doesn’t change even though she isn’t technically a part of the party. I’m sure she will be super understanding and appreciate you for it!

View Quoted Comment She would literally do everything with us. She just wouldnt be at the alter that’s all. But yes I totally understand your point

View Quoted Comment It’s someone super special to you. They’ll for whatever reason they won’t be a bridesmaid but you still want to include them in the process and make them feel special