Honorary Bridesmaid or Guest of Honor?

Either she is or isn't a bridesmaid. An honorary bridesmaid or guest of honor aren't a real thing. They are some maybe up "position" I've heard some brides use.

I think I would either make her a bridesmaid, or just allow her to attend as a guest. I know your heart is in the right place, but making up “Honorary” positions typically don’t come off as an honor – they just highlight the fact they didn’t make the cut for the wedding party.

You can always ask them to be an usher! My mom told me I should consider my cousin for it. She helps direct quests where to go. I also have flower petals that will be thrown. If you have rice or bubbles to hand out she can do that when guests are taking their seats.

Ill be honest, I’d be annoyed if I was given a grunt work job like passing out programs or bubbles as a “consolation” for not being a bridesmaid. I’d just invite her to still get ready with you, or just decide to go ahead and have her as a real bridesmaid if it is really important to have her involved

I agree that a person is either in the wedding party or not. There are no half measures and any attempts do "include them but not include them" will likely only result in the hurt feelings you are trying to avoid. Remember that it's a nice gesture in itself to invite your friends to your wedding as a guest.

If you still want to do something extra, order corsages for the non-wedding party friends but don't give them a title or try to shoehorn in participation or expectations where it doesn't make sense.

Yeah, don't make up honours that don't exist. "Honourary BM" might actually come across as "you're nice, but didn't make the cut". I get that your intentions are good, but I don't think it will have the effect that you want.

I would avoid having discussions on the subject in the future. It's kind of awkward to tell people they aren't in the wedding party. People don't really need explanations, unless they ask.

It's totally OK to ask your good friends to get ready together, go dress shopping and anything else you want them there for. Of course, they aren't obligated to participate.

I agree with everyone. Don't give her a title, but if you want invite her to things like the bachelorette party or getting ready

Update: thanks everyone for the advice! I've decided to make my childhood friend a bridesmaid. I know I want her to be a part of the day, and the only reason I was not was to avoid hurting other people's feelings. But hey... it's my wedding day and I only get one so I'm going to have the people I want around. That said, I think it will upset another friend who was expecting to be in my bridal party (I am her MOH) which is why I originally just had family as bridesmaids. Any advice there?

View Quoted Comment That friend is entitled to feel upset. That being said, I think a true friend will understand and shouldn't get upset WITH you or hold anything against you. If she does, I think that's worth noting. Out if curiosity what makes you want to include the childhood friend but not this one?

View Quoted Comment Is there a reason you only wanted family originally? I can understand if you're in her wedding then why she is probably assuming she would also be in yours even if that's not the case.

That can be a disaster for you when you should be enjoying the process and don't put yourself all of that. Either wants bridesmaids and maid of honor. It can sprawl out of control if your having a hard time about who you will choose now. Then adding more titles if you are inviting them to the wedding then adding to work other things that has to been done

View Quoted Comment

We originally wanted a very small wedding, so it made sense to limit the bridal party to only family. However, our guest list has grown and our wedding is more "traditional" now. I still would like to keep the bridal party small though - I think it's easier to coordinate and easier to work with a smaller group IMO.

View Quoted Comment That all makes total sense! I think you will need to decide if you'd rather keep the 3 (2 family and 1 friend) and stay small, but risk your friend feeling a bit upset or invite the friend and have 4. I will say that I have 4 people and it doesn't feel too big at all. That being said you do not have to have her in the wedding just because you are her MOH. If she says anything, which I doubt she would, you can always frame it as since they are a childhood friend they are very close to your family. Also keep in mind that if she is planning a wedding she likely understands these kinds of decisions and although theres a chance she might feel a little disappointed would not take it personally.

“Honorary” positions are never an honor. They only highlight the fact that they were not good enough to make the cut.


It seems to be an unpopular opinion, but being a guest is a huge honor in itself. Because they were chosen to attend over someone else whom you are not close to. “Busywork” roles such as reader or usher are equally not an honor to many people because those are what the groomsmen or officiant are typically responsible for. Some people also don’t enjoy being a bridesmaid or groomsman at all and would rather be a guest with no made up titles and no responsibility beyond enjoying themselves and will not be upset if they are not chosen for those roles. No one is less special because they are not picked to stand up or work.

I don’t think you should be that concerned about not including Friend 2 and should just move forward with your vision for the day. Of course people might feel a little hurt at being left out, that’s only natural. But even if you have a super close best friend, that doesn’t mean that both are in the same position when they get married. Like one of the friends could have a lot of sisters that they’re close to and one could be an only child and rely heavily on their friend circle to make up the wedding party. And personally, if I had gotten married even a couple years ago, my wedding party would have looked different than the one I’m having now. MOH shouldn’t really be a tit for tat thing. It sounds like a great idea to include the first friend, though, since your original post made it pretty clear how important it is to you that she be involved!