Honor table

Since you and your fiancé don't agree on it, can you include something attached to your bouquet so you know you're honoring them, but there's no longer the possibility of making others sad?

I am doing a remembrance table for both of our grandparents since neither one of us have any living grandparents but that is something that we both instantly agreed we wanted to do.

Instead of a memory/honor table, I honored my passed loved ones by carrying small remembrances of them with me. The necklace I wore was made from the stone in my maternal grandmother’s engagement ring (she used to love tell people the story of how my grandpa got it!) and I wore my paternal grandmother’s wedding band on my right hand. I loved feeling like they were with me and a part of the day!

I agree with your fiancé, I find remembrance tables incredibly sad; especially when the loss is fairly recent. I actually attended a wedding that had a remembrance table for a loved one that had recently passed, and multiple people were visibly upset and crying, and one couple actually left. While it’s great for you to keep those people close to your heart on special occasions, I don’t think a wedding is an appropriate time to have public displays like this. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event and the focus should be purely on you and your fiancé and the commitment you are making to one another. Since your fiancé is not comfortable with it (and obviously thinks this is going to upset members of his family), I would find ways for you to honor these people privately. You can put little photo charms (including your sonogram photo if you wish) on your bouquet. A pink and blue ribbon signifies a loss of a baby- maybe you could use pink and blue ribbons around your bouquet to honor the child you miscarried. If any of your deceased relatives had a favorite flower, you could incorporate that into your centerpieces. Or if they had a favorite song, you could make sure the DJ plays it at some point in the night. Just think about each individual and anything that reminds you of them, and I’m sure you could find a creative way to incorporate that into the event without others knowing. Ultimately, honoring and remembering your loved ones can happen in your heart and mind- there is no need to make some grand, public declaration.

I personally don't mind them as it's a part of who you are, but I can understand if it's super recent that it would be upsetting to people. We're doing a table that has pictures of our grandparents, both alive and deceased, on their respective wedding days, and a picture of parents on their wedding days, along with a photo of us from our engagement pictures with a small sign that says "all because two people fell in love" and then as a memorial I bought a locket that clips onto my bouquet with a picture of my grandparents who passed away.

I agree with your fiancé and have seen and heard of this backfiring and dampening the mood so guests didn’t feel like celebrating the wedding at that point. Keep it very neutral by not mentioning specific names or having pictures but you could have a simple discrete sign that says “those who couldn’t be with us” and leave it at that.

View Quoted Comment I agree.
I asked my hubby if he wanted a memory table and he said no way because it would make him and his brother too sad. On your bouquet is good.

When we got married ten years ago, we had someone walk a bouquet of flowers to the front of the church in honor of each of our grandmothers. They were our best friends and a huge support system for us so we wanted to do something to honor them. I had my grandmothers picture in a charm that I added to my bouquet. I also wore her ring that she wore everyday. Now that we are renewing our vows, we are trying to figure out if we are going to do an actual table or not. I’m thinking we will skip it but, hubby found a really cute sign. We may put it up off to the side as to not upset anyone.