Honeyfund posted on Facebook?

View Quoted Comment Girlllllll...I know the feeling... smh

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I'm glad I'm not the only one...

I still cant believe how wrong this is and hope she pressed "shared to FB" by mistake, on top of my despise of asking people outright for money for their honeymoon (an optional trip for you and spouse)

View Quoted Comment I support you for posting this. People seem to forget that the whole purpose of forums is to share and gather people's opinions!! If they dont want them or to discuss them then why are they here?

Just last week there was a post of "worst thing at a wedding you have been to" No one was boohooing those people.

People come here for advice. And sometimes that means manners, which there arent a whole lot of in the world anymore. I get tired of all the "you do you" because every person's action has a consequence.

As someone who IS doing a honeyfund I do agree broadcasting it on Facebook is wrong. I set up a private event on Facebook for my save the date and I posted there that we weren’t doing a registry and why. And a registry isn’t for everyone. My FH and I moved into our 2 bedroom apartment right as his dad and his gf were moving in together so we basically got everything we needed we got when they combined 2 houses. He then proposed the week we moved in. And we had a baby 2 months after. So we literally need nothing, and we have no more room for anything. We barley have room for what we have now. And in my opinion (just mine) I done see the difference in asking for a honeymoon fund vs a registry. Many think it’s wrong to ask people to pay for a vacation but isn’t it the same to ask for things you can’t afford for your house? If we get money great if not we are happy with the guests showing up. And our honeymoon fund isn’t one online we have a box that says honeymoon fund on we found at hobby lobby. I also don’t think it’s right to be asking for money or anything from people you didn’t invite. And in some ways I feel like asking for anything at your wedding is wrong. To me the people there are gift enough, many travel from out of town and take time off of work to celebrate with you. You shouldn’t expect anything from them.

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Neither LB or Sarah were defending the honeyfund. All they are pointing out that its just as inconsiderate to put someone on blast when they aren't here to defend themselves or worse, to post that and find that bride IS on here but chooses not to use her actual name, future last name or a real photo of herself for privacy reasons. How would you feel if you came across a post on this forum, or another site of one of your friends or family trying to stir up conversation about something you are doing that the person initiation the conversation KNOWS is going to get a negative reaction.

When someone takes a third party's wedding or pre-wedding activity and publicly attempts to shame them in some way then yeah its going to have people pointing out "maybe its not a good idea to do this when you already know its going to illicit a negative reaction". It's one thing when a bride comes on here and asks for advice for herself - its entirely different when she takes what someone else is doing and asks for judgement on it.

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I don't see her as trying to "publicly shame" them at all. I think she was probably trying to get opinions on it...maybe she was considering it and wanted to confirm etiquette rules.

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The point is this is a public forum and you never know WHO could be on here, who lurks and just reads but doesn't post, plenty of users don't use their name in any form or their own pictures for safety and privacy so you don't know who that person is. Sometimes you need to think before you post and say "If I know honeyfunds in general get a negative reaction then chances are honeyfunds posted to wider social media will DEFINITELY get a negative reaction, and if this bride where me how would i feel about the comments people are bound to make"

The OP has been around and seen enough honeyfund posts to know what the general consensus is and to have considered that maybe it would come across as trying to illicit gossip or a negative comments who is not here. OP did not have to screen shot and talk about a person, she could have very well just asked how people felt about it and left the third party out of it completely but she choose not to.

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100% completely agree.

I actually don’t have issue with honeymoon funds per se however once someone just had a link to their PayPal which seemed a little ... off. I think it’s weird to post your honeymoon fund on social media, unless this was posted in a private event page for wedding guests.

Registry or Honeyfund posted on FB? People share everything else, right? Our wedding is in 38 days and I haven't posted anything yet, lol, muchless details. It doesn't bother me in the slightest though since it was HER choice. FutureMrsJackson, don't be discouraged with any negativity. You shared something that I hadn't seen before. These forums have been very helpful in my planning process and hope it will be for you also,...

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I don't buy this argument.... people got married and had registries for ages before Facebook and social media and somehow people old and young alike managed to find a way to the registry and buy a gift... I just registered at Crate and Barrel over the weekend and they gave us little cards that I could give my shower host to include with the invites. IF someone feels the need to share this kind of thing on social media a more acceptable way to do it would be for them to update their wedding website with the info, and then happily share that they have updated the site with new info about the wedding. Let people find the info they want to find, without looking like you are soliciting for gifts.

Everyone should give the OP a break - we all have something we want someone to agree with us on... how lovely our dress is, how horrible a BM is behaving, that we aren't over reacting to something FMIL did...that some detail we love is as great as we think it is, that our FH picked the perfect ring etc... She didn't name the bride or do anything wrong. Looking for someone to reinforce our opinions is about 95% of the reason social media and forums like this exist if we are being honest.

View Quoted Comment You’re so right, very well said

View Quoted Comment I understand but then to that effect, aren’t posts that talk about “the worst things we’ve seen at weddings” just as bad? This entire site is talking about wedding etiquette... about ours, and other people’s. I don’t see how OP did anything that others don’t do on here all the time!

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I completely agree with this!

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I do think those posts are just as bad and don't participate in them. Just because everyone does something still doesn't make it right. I personally try not to say anything I wouldn't say to someones face anyway, and I try to be aware that I have no idea who can or might use this site someday and try to not speak about people in my real life who might come across it at some point, or to not say something to someone I wouldn't want told to myself either.

Just because others talk about people they know or talk down another persons wedding doesn't make it right or okay. If its not something you would say to the persons face you shouldn't feel okay doing it on a public forum they could access at any time.

View Quoted Comment Then why participate in this one?

I think these posts are also helpful to a lot of brides when figuring out what to do/what not to do at their own weddings.

Im mostly saying I don’t understand why OP is being given so much backlash on this post when those other posts aren’t given any problems.

I also feel like, this post was intended to discuss the etiquette of that Facebook post, and it’s turned into debating the etiquette of posting about the Facebook post? That doesn’t seem very productive at all.

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Actually I only participated in this post to point out that its a fallacy to compare LB, Sarah or anyone else who pointed out its kind of rude to make a post about a bride who is not necessarily around to defend herself with suddenly being pro - people can do what that what and its not our business. As I stated in my original post - someone who makes a post about themselves or their own choices is actively looking for that advice. It's another to bring on another bride's choice and ask for opinions on it. So I came on here to make that specific point as it related to the conversation at hand and continued to discuss and further expand upon my point as others responded to it as well.

Again - people will post and do what they want. I don't agree, and I think its a bad idea to post and ask for opinions on someone elses choices or to bad mouth someone elses wedding you attended when its entirely possible for that person to come across it at some point or to be using this forum without your knowledge. I don't participate in those posts BECAUSE I don't agree with that, and i would hope no one ever did it about my wedding. I didn't directly participate in this one - just pointed out that its not useful to compare someone what LB and Sarah point out with being pro honeyfund or do whatever you want or whatever.

Also in that line its entirely help to say to someone "hey you don't know who could be lurking or participating on this forum so be careful what you say or how you post if you don't want them to potentially come across it.

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People write about crazy stuff they see like this all the time on here, not that big of a deal. I find it crazy she posted that on her facebook, I would NEVER! LOL

I literally clash with everyone's thoughts on anything related to posting your registry or asking for money... In my culture it is not only normal but expected to simply give money (cash in an envelope) at a wedding. So while I wouldn't be comfortable posting it on FB - My Mother wanted me to send letters, emails, and post on social media for every member of our family to be informed of our honeymoon fund registry information. So again, while I wouldn't do it, I don't have the same "this is gross" feeling that it seems so many brides have.