Honest opinion: Am i being petty?

Yes, you're being petty. Why wouldn't you want your new niece or nephew there for family photos? She doesn't even want to bring the baby to the wedding. Even if so, young babies are/should be the exception to the "no children" rule, both for your future in laws and other guests. As far as not addressing it with you, she probably brought it up to your FMIL to put feelers out. Then she addressed your FH, who she is probably closer to since he is her BIL. There's no difference between addressing you or him. It's your wedding. If this is a hill you want to die on, go for it, but I would fully expect the entire family to decline your invitation.

I don't think you're being petty at all. Plus it sounds a little ridiculous to drive an hour there and back for the baby to "just be in pictures". I would have your FH tell them that the wedding is no kids, period. This isn't their wedding or their pictures. If they have an issue with that, that's on them. We're also having a no kid wedding, aside from our flower girls. If people don't like that, they don't have to come, it's nothing personal. You've made your position clear already, so I would have FH reiterate this to her or her husband.

I think you're being reasonable. It's your day and it should be what you want (and FH). On our invitations we specified KID FREE EVENT. We want parents to have a break that night and don't want kids/babies crying during the ceremony or running around during the reception. I feel like people should respect what you are asking. You aren't being petty. You have it child free for a reason and people should respect your choice.

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Seriously THANK YOU for this. I think I'll talk with my FH more about this, and have him do just that. Better to get this out of the way now than to wait until the wedding next fall.

There's plenty of people who have kid free weddings and kid free means no kids whatsoever including pictures. I think you are perfectly fine in your choice and it is weird she's telling your MIL what she wants to do instead of asking you. We went to our friends' wedding last year that was kid free and the groom's sister had a young baby aka his niece. She didn't show up for pictures... I think this is a discussion your FH needs to have with his family that no kids means no kids, it's pretty straight forward..

I would understand wanting to bring the baby if he/she was a newborn, since they are generally exceptions to the rule, but you said the baby will be a year old by then. I would address it with your sister in law calmly and let her know you’re sorry, but we asked for no children at our wedding. Others who have kids will not be bringing their children, and I would prefer not to cause a bit of drama. I love your son/daughter but we wish to keep this an adults only event.
It’s nice that she wants her child their for pictures, but the pictures being taken are for you, and if you don’t want kids there, she needs to suck it up, buttercup.

I don't think you are being petty. I think you are being very reasonable. I think your FSIL is being unreasonable and irrational. It makes no sense for her parents to drive 2 hours altogether for this. I don't understand that at all. It's your wedding and you specified that you want no children and they should respect that.

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You're welcome! People just need to understand that it's seriously nothing personal. We just don't want kids at our wedding. If they aren't comfortable with that, they don't have to come. My cousin had a kid free wedding when my sister and I were both under the age of ten. Travel was involved and my parents decided not to attend for both reasons and there were no hard feelings. We don't want children at our wedding so we won't be inviting any, plain and simple.

I don't think you're being petty. You said very clearly you don't want kids there.

If it's just for a few pictures, who cares? I assume your fiance wants his niece/nephew in family pictures.

I will say you're being a little petty, here's why:

*You are completely within reason to have a child free wedding! You don't even need to justify it with us. You want no kids there? Great! It is your and FH's day and if that what you both want, you are totally allowed to make that rule! Our wedding is kid free with the exception of children in the bridal party, who are our nieces and nephews.

*If FSIL asked FMIL and then they both went to FH with the idea, that isn't leaving you out. You are the bride, but he the groom and it is his wedding just as much as it yours. They may have felt more comfortable going to their BIL and son before approaching you. Maybe they were trying to see what he thought before bringing it up to you! Just remember, your family will always approach you first too, they normally wouldn't reach out to your FH with questions. You shouldn't expect his family to approach you first, he is their family member, so they will always be more comfortable approaching him first with everything.

*You have to remember that that baby is going to be your niece or nephew as soon as you say "I do". You will watch that child grow and hopefully be at their wedding one day! Of course you FSIL approached your FMIL first, that is the child's grandmother and she would be most likely to jump on board with the idea.

*That being said, I think you are right to assume the baby would come for pictures and then stay. I'm not a parent, but one can assume that the baby wouldn't react well to being with it's mom, then being taken away to ride in a car (which you said they hate doing).

All in all (sorry for such a long response by the way!) you should sit down with FH and discuss this together. Let him know your point of view and see what thinks, as after all, this is his family you are dealing with. Once you make a decision, have FH relay it to his side and tell him he needs to stay firm in the decision. They shouldn't be calling you or blaming it on you, as you both decided it together!

Good luck!

Not being petty at all this isnt a fricking photoshoot the child s not a prop and if they want pictures they need to hire there own dang photographer ur wedding stuck to ur guns n have fh talk to HIS family

I didn’t read everyone’s comments above, because there are too many and they’re long lol. But I just don’t see the point in the kid coming for pictures? It’ll be an inconvenience for the grandparents driving back and fourth. Not to mention the baby will never remember this day lol! So I just don’t really get the point. Even if it’s for the “memories”, no one really looks at pictures from when they were 1 years old. Unless you’re at your parents/ grandparents house & pics get brought out haha. But to answer your question: I do not think you’re being petty. You said no kids, so no kids. Simple as that.

I don’t think you’re being petty. While I get she wants family photos, this isn’t her event to get full family photos at. I also think it was pretty ballsy for her to ask about bringing a baby to pictures at a child-free wedding.

How does your fiance feel about this? Does he want the child there for pictures? I agree that kid free means kid free, regardless of who you are. However, if your fiance would like the child there for a quick photo, I think that is a compromise that should be made. As long as the parents understand that the child is only there for photos and that is all.

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This is exactly what I was going to say. If they want family photos, they can hire a photographer. They don't get to break your rules, or hijack your wedding because they want their new baby included in photos. This is YOUR wedding. Only YOU and FH get to decide who appears in your photos.

SIL should respect the decision that you and FH have made to have a kid-free wedding. Period. FH needs to tell his SIL that she cannot bring the baby to the wedding--for any reason.

I think your FSIL is being ridiculous for even bringing it up/asking as you already said it's kid free BUT at the end of the day, that's your family now. I wouldn't make a huge fuss over having the baby in some photos just because I think it will result in a lot of tension. Do I think she's being difficult? Yes. Is it worth it to argue over? I don't think so. It's your day though! If it really upsets you, tell her to take a hike. lol

Have they said anything to you or your fiance about it? I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it if she is only discussing it with FMIL. It doesn't seem like anything is really planned. I would just leave it unless she says something about it to you or to your fiance. As long as you and your fiance are on the same page about this then I don't see an issue. I think it's a lot to ask someone to leave a child at home but that's just me. I think as long as you and your fiance are a united front then it shouldn't be a big deal.

I remember when I was a new mom. My little monster is now 11, but when he was a baby, I would go way out of my way to see him between events and whatnot. It’s normal for a new mother to think that way. However, as the newborn phase passes and you get more comfortable with leaving your child home and going away, you stop making extra hoops for yourself to jump through. My point is, that a year from now she may realize how silly it is to have her parents driving two hours just for some pictures.

If she hasn’t directly said anything to you, I would let it go for now. Just keep your foot down with the no children rule. If it gets to be next summer and she still thinks this is a good idea, I would talk to her then about it. Confronting her now isn’t going to do anything but cause drama about something that may be a passing idea.

I'm partially wondering if your FSIL means to completely disregard your request for pictures. It is fairly common for people to ask for no kids, and children come ONLY for pictures. Many brides/grooms use this opportunity for a complete family photo.. It almost seems like your FSIL is thinking along these lines and is respecting your "no children" rule, but trying to help you get a full family photo. If this isn't something you want, then I think it should be a convo between you and your FH and he discuss/info his family.