Holiday with Family Question

This year Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. Last year we did the opposite!

Holidays were going to be easy because our parents lived very close, 1 hr and then only 10-15 minutes away from each other. Then his parents moved to FL a few months ago.
I don’t know how we’ll handle it in the future, but this year well stay home for Christmas and leave to go see his parents the day after and spend a couple of days with them.
Doing holidays separate won’t fly with me. Before we got married we did Christmas Eve together with my moms side of the family. Christmas morning with our own parents and siblings and then Christmas night with his family. It worked really well! Thanksgiving was also spilt afternoon with my family and the evening with his.

We host both Thanksgiving and Christmas. We invite both sides of our family and whoever can come comes. We don’t attend anyone else’s gatherings. Before we started hosting we did my family on Thanksgiving and his family Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we would see just my parents and our grandparents.

If it is a distance thing you can alternate holidays. One year his and one year yours? Or one holiday his and one holiday yours.

My FH’s family is all in California. We’re in Illinois. We spent last Christmas with them, but typically we call and talk to them (they do two celebrations for each side there). It’s too expensive for us to fly there every year, so we typically just do our own thing here and send gifts/try our best to talk to everybody.

Our families live pretty close, so that helps things. We start Thanksgiving at my parents’, where I cook. Then we finish the night at his family’s place where they go until like 2 am. For Christmas, we do Christmas Eve with my family. Then, we’ll do a quick opening of presents with them on Christmas Day and spend the rest of the day with his family. Easter is spent with his family as mine doesn’t do anything major anymore.

Normally, you split holidays up like one year you'll go to Thanksgiving with your side of family then the following year go to his and etc. Then Christmas last year we did Christmas Eve here at our house with his side of family and then go up to my moms for christmas day but this year I am wanting to do it at our house I am not planning on going no where that day.

Most holidays we've been on our own lately because H generally has to work. My parents live 5 hours away, his 14 hours away. He doesnt usually have enough time off to make the trip (even flying) to the ILs home for holidays whereas I get all holidays off. Like H worked yesterday and today and I'm off. I have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. He won a raffle to request Thanksgiving or Xmas off and he chose Xmas because it happened to line up with his normal days off.

Usually we will do lunch with his and dinner with mine

My parents are divorced, my mom lives in Florida and my dad is busy with his new wife’s family so I just go to all of his families stuff. Of which, his moms side does Christmas one weekend and his dads the next.

Just here to add that separating and each of you going to see your immediate family is just fine!!


My husband and I are short on vacation this year, plus Christmas is in the middle of the week and none of our parents are local to us nor within reasonable driving distance of each other, so we are dividing and conquering. He’ll take the dog and go see his parent(s) and I’ll go see my family. We’ve done this for a couple years before we married. He and I always pick another night for our own Christmas together where we have a nice meal and exchange gifts.

My dad always made us spend Thanksgiving and Christmas away from home when I was a child. I absolutely hated it and just wanted to spend the holidays at home. FH and I both agreed that we will spend all holidays the day of at our home. However, we will travel to see family before or after that particular date!

We live super close to DH's family, and super far from mine, so we mostly spend holidays with them. (Also, they are Catholic, and my family is not Christian.)

However, last year, we had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, so we took some time off and did that (we weren't engaged yet).

Since the wedding, though, our parents have really hit it off. We're hoping this means that maybe holidays can be celebrated together, depending on schedules. (DH and I are both in service/arts jobs, FIL is in the arts, so....)

It really is something each couple has to navigate on their own. Each situation is unique - costs, time off, travel distance, health issues, relationship quality... and don't ever feel like the way you do it one year is the only way. Things change!

We try to go to both families in one day since our parents only live about 25 minutes away from each other. Our first year dividing up Christmas went well, his family's house for Christmas morning with presents (because it's a big deal for them) and Christmas dinner with my family (Italian mommas love to cook!). So we decided to do that same thing this past year and it started a big fight with his sister. She hasn't spoken to me in almost a year now because she felt like I think my family is more important than hers. She refused to be a bridesmaid and doesn't even want to come to the wedding now, all because we went to my family's house for dinner. His mom was totally cool with all of it though.


Do whatever makes you and your fiancé happy because you can't please everyone!

We spent thanksgiving morning and afternoon with my in-laws. Then drove the hour & a half to my parents house and stayed the night there.
For Christmas, we will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning/afternoon with my family, then Christmas evening with my in-laws.
This is our first holiday season as a married couple, so it took a lot of negotiating since we are both very close with our families 😊

Well we are both shift workers so ours are a bit different but here is what we do: Every other year we trade off Thanksgiving. This year was my side, next year it will be one of his (his dad or mom because they are divorced), then mine etc. Christmas, we do Christmas eve with his mom's side & go to church with his dad. Christmas eve morning we do brunch with my dads side. Christmas morning is just us two. Christmas night is my side. Dec 27th is his dad's side. Note that ALL of our family lives close by and both families have always divided up holidays.

Now, with all that being said... each year is a bit different. Because we sometimes are working holidays we just won't go. But, if one of us is free, we will go no matter what. So even if it is his side, I will go alone. Our families are also very understanding and flexible to where they will shift around holiday "dates".

We switch off thanksgiving and Christmas. One is with his family, the other is with mine, and the next year we switch those around.

In general, we alternate thanksgiving/christmas/easter between our families. Sometimes it's not equal or we spend multiple holidays in a row with one family. It really just depends on the year, our schedules, what the other families are doing.

My FH and I spent Thanksgiving with his family and will be spending most of Christmas Eve/ Day with mine. This is subject to change year to year depending on the health of grandparents, jobs, and weather. Figure out what works for you and don’t be guilted out of your decision.

For Thanksgiving we have done 3 ways: going to both houses (tiring and often VERY full after), switching every other year (this works fine), and this year we hosted. 😊
Christmas we go to both houses. We may host in the future but not for now.