Holiday Arrangements

Splitting holidays is rough. Our parents both live in the same town, which is nice. However, my SIL and her fiance live far away. His parents have started alternating years. My husband works the day after Thanksgiving, so we can't travel. Last year, his parents went to his sister's (as did her fiance's family). This year, they are actually coming to my parents' house, along with his aunt and uncle. Because his sister is spending Thanksgiving with her fiance's family, she and her fiance are coming here for Christmas. We have tried, as an extended family, to balance everything as much as possible. It's hard, but your mothers have to understand that you both can't be in 2 places at once and you want to spend the holidays together. My mom was initially very upset when we would spend part of Thanksgiving at one house and then go to the other. I told her she just had to accept it because just as much as she wanted my now husband and I with them, his parents wanted us to spend time with them as well.

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For real??? I would have thought it would be easier because then you have more of an excuse to stay home. LOL "We'll be here if you'd like to join us for the holiday."

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I guess I'll have to sit down and have that conversation with them too. I'm glad they've gotten more understanding with you!!!

That is tough... but at least once you get to one parent, the next is just 2 hours away! If we were to drive, my parents are 13 hours from us and his are 8 hours or 4 hours from us. There are about 7 or 16 hours in between my parents and either or his parents. So it’s rather impossible for us to see everyone around a holiday without us all meeting up somewhere.


We’ve always split up for Christmas and gone to see our own parents and then came back home to be together for new year. Husband and I have an early or late Christmas dinner at a nice restaurant where we live for the two of us then. This year my parents have offered to come down and visit us in January if I’m unable to make it back home for the holiday. I have a friend whose family all meet up for a vacation to celebrate Christmas (like a weekend in Jamaica) rather than having to pick where to go or buy presents.

We told our parents early on that we would never commit to a rotation each year even thought my MIL really pushes for that (i.e. trying to make sure we're with them for thanksgiving every other year forever and never altering the plan). We just do what's best for us at the time each Holiday come around. Sometimes that 2 in a row with my family, or vice versa. We never "make up" Thanksgiving or Easter on other days, but whichever family we're not with on actual Christmas, we just find a different day to celebrate.

I know it's hard - but you can't let people push you around and guilt you into doing something. 5 hour drives with one day off work is a f**king nightmare no matter how much you want to see your families!! I think the attitude you have about the holidays when you have kids is something you should definitely adopt right now! "We'll be here if you'd like to join us for the holiday." or "we are doing X for thanksgiving day, are you all free next Saturday, we'd love to have you over (or meet in the middle, or visit them for the weekend, etc)"

I have to choose: MY 21yo son and mom in NY or my FH and kittens at our home in VA- and HIS family. For every holiday.
He refuses to budge on the winter ones: Thanksgiving, Christmas and at times New Years.

It’s hard and hurts. I always feel like no matter what I choose I loose. I look forward to skipping to February!

We've been together for ten years, and we split the holidays. One year we spend Christmas with my family and the next his. NYE is our 'couple holiday' that we spend away from our families. But it is also helpful that his family lives in NC and mine live in Fl (where we live) so that limits our time with his family as well.

Because I have a ten year old to think about, I refuse to travel on Christmas. She wants to be home with her presents and having fun. I live in my hometown and my dad is nearby so we will spend Christmas afternoon with him and probably travel down to see my FHs parents the next weekend. We are spending Thanksgiving with his family since my dad travels to my sister’s, ten hours away, for that holiday and I have to work. FH’s family is only a couple hours away from us.

My FH and I were both working retail when we first got together so our first Thanksgiving as a couple we were both both working! Lol Albeit different shifts - I went to my parents for thanksgiving lunch/dinner and then work, he worked the morning and then went to his parents that night. We spent Christmas Eve that year just the two of us, then Christmas morning I left his place to go spend the day with my family and he went to his parents.
All of our major holidays since that year have been split between our two families. It’s easy enough to do for us though, our parents only live about 30 minutes from each other.
I will admit that we spend more time at my parents’ house on holidays only because my whole family comes out for holidays - my sister & her kids, my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all gather at my parents house for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. His family is very small - holiday gatherings with them usually consist of us, his parents, and his two sisters. I remember the first year we split Christmas between both families, we left my parents’ place earlier than everyone else and I felt like I was missing out because my family continued with games and drinking and laughs, and what’s worse - they sent me videos of their fun 😔 Meanwhile, at my future in-laws place, we were just sitting on the couch watching tv/movies so I was a bit bored. Lol But I am trying to be more cognizant of the time we spend with my family because I know it takes away from quality time with his family on those holidays. This year, we are still planning to split the holidays with both families. After we get married, I think our plan is to continue to split Thanksgiving and Easter, but spend every Christmas Eve with my family and every Christmas Day with family (or alternate each year) - at least until we have a house and/or kids and then everyone can just come to us. Lol

I see nothing wrong with the two of you spending the holidays together as a couple at home. You're both adults who can make your own new traditions!

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Yes, this is such a good option if you're willing to host!

My family moves Holidays all the time for this exact reason. My mom and her family have her Thanksgiving meal on Saturday every year! This way there is no stress and everyone can come! My FH and I family live half way across the country from each other, so we switch Thanksgiving and Christmas like you said. I think you just have to talk to everyone, balance both families, and not prioritize one over the other. As for work, you could invited them to your place and host! This is my plan once I have a big enough house!

We also spent all holidays separate until we were engaged.

His grandparents moved their thanksgiving last year so that I could attend (and he could come to mine thursday) BUT honestly, I'd rather everything stay the same and just do it separately!

I know it's weird. But this exact situation is what I like to avoid and we both are fine with it.

Our friends come to my thanksgiving and have for about 5 years.

Last year was the first time my FH came and he was ready to leave after an hour and that really irritated me. He is not a talker whereas my family talks and talks and talks.

We have done a potluck christmas eve dinner with our friend group for about 4 or 5 years and that's really the christmas time we spend together as a couple. He wakes up christmas day and goes to his grandparents about an hour away. I get up and go to my parents/grandparents down the street.

Could you start a tradition where you guys spend special christmas time together on a day that's not christmas day, and then go your separate ways on actual christmas day?

I've also told my in-laws, my family, and my FH when we have kids, everyone can come to us because I am not travel all over creation with a baby in the car haha.

Can you host and have the parents come over? They can even spend the night