Holiday Arrangements

Could any family come to you instead? Holidays are always tough.

It's tough splitting up holidays. Christmas is fairly easy for us because Christmas Eve is a bigger deal for H's family and Christmas Day for mine so we spend each with those respective families. Thanksgiving and Easter have become a bit of sticking points because I'm an only child and we don't have any other family around anymore so if we don't go to my parents' house or if they don't go to H's family's celebrations they'd be alone. But they haven't wanted to go to the other family things. I feel bad keeping H from his family (though we see them a lot other times throughout the year) but I'd also feel bad if my parents were alone for the holiday. We might look in to hosting sometime to see if that works any better. Could you do any holiday hosting?

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My mom has already committed to making dinner for my extended family so they wouldn't be able to. His family goes to a reunion every other year so they'll be doing that this year. I just see Christmas being a nightmare if we don't spend Thanksgiving with either and then go to one place for Christmas. We don't have a huge house or a ton of space because we're just starting out.

Holidays are always tough in the beginning but hopefully everyone can understand the dilemma you guys have. My husband and I spent all holidays together right after we met, so by the time we got married we had it down. We do 3 thanksgivings & 4 Christmas celebrations (my father is the only one who lives in another state so we don't see him for thanksgiving, just for Christmas). We just do 3 dinners for thanksgiving, the largest one is typically on thanksgiving since it involves other family members (extended) and the others are Saturday & Sunday. Same for Christmas. We usually fly to CA for Christmas day so we don't have to deal with the stress of choosing between 3 parents in CO (where we live) for the actual day.

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Unfortunately Texas is really big and nobody is a short drive away from us. I don't have Christmas Eve off either. Guess I should start planning to take the day before Christmas off every year if it's in the middle of the week?

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We haven't ever spent the holidays together because our mothers turn into crazy people around this time of year and always got super offended when the idea of spending the holiday with each other was even brought up. I don't really see an easy out with this. I guess we have to just deal with the fact that someone is going to be upset no matter what. lol It also doesn't help that my sister's husband doesn't have a relationship with his family so there's never a question about where they'll spend the holiday and my FH's brother's wife is the same way. Neither one of our mother's have ever had to sacrifice one of their children for the holiday so we're the bad guys no matter what.

That's tough. Christmas is huge for my FH's family because everyone travels to one place, and Thanksgiving is near my mom's b'day. So we split it up Christmas with his family and Thanksgiving with mine. My mom was sad the first year we did this, but the second year we helped her put up the tree and did presents before we flew back home. It was kind of nice, and I'm used to it sadly coming from a divorced home! Can people travel to you guys?

Just saw your posts. I'd say explain to respective moms that you'd working and can't travel. Maybe suggest video calling at least? It's tough because I know my mom would still be devastated. But they'll have to accept that you're both living your lives and may not be able to make every holiday.

If you cant make the actual holiday work then maybe try to find some time around it to commit to each of your families and maybe just spend the holiday together. We usually do Thanksgiving by ourselves (this year our brothers who each live ~30 minutes away are joining) usually because of work schedules. And then we do either Christmas eve or a couple days after Christmas with his family and Christmas day with my family. It works for us especially because my family is a lot bigger than his so its the best use of our time.

We actually don’t get pressure from our families about holidays. We’ve been together almost 4 years and next week is the first holiday we will spend with my family since we’ve been together. But I would recommend doing what’s best for y’all despite others opinions or feelings. If that’s finding time a week before or after the holiday then do that. People might get upset but that doesn’t mean you need to stress yourself out trying to make everyone happy. They’ll get over it.

I totally get you Taylor,for Christmas Eve my mom and sister usually go with my god parents, we've been going there since we were little kids and its like a 2nd home, my husbands family have a celebration at their house and invite family over and neighbors, etc. Both houses are totally fun but are about 1 hour away from each other with no traffic and anywhere up to 2 hours with traffic. On xmas eve we anticipate little to no traffic around the time we'd commute. My in-laws would want hubby and I there from the morning if they could so that we can spend the whole day with them which is pretty impossible. For the last 3 years hubby and I start at my god parents home around 4-5 pm stay until 8/8:30 and leave to his moms house where they usually end the night in the wee morning hours. We arrive there between 9 and 10 basically and party with them until we're too tired. The good thing is that we only live about 15 minutes away from my in laws so we're closer to home. Christmas morning I celebrate at home and my sister and her boyfriend come over, my mom and my hubby and I open our presents there and eat breakfast that we cook potluck style, have mimosas and bloody Mary's and we hang out all day. Once we have kids we're just going to celebrate everything ourselves, I love hosting so I don't mind. It gets crazy, if you can make it work do it but if not don't stress yourself out. Can both parents go to your house for xmas? or is that our of the question too? Next year I plan to take a trip with the hubs and no family involved.

We are trying to split up the holidays equally. We usually spend a lot of the holidays with my family because they are only an hour away. This year we are planning on Thanksgiving with my family. Christmas is still up in the air. Last year we went to my FH's sister's place, which is 8 hours away and we were there for like 5 days. This year my family actually is celebrating Christmas early to accommodate my cousin's kids and custody agreement with her ex. So we are planning on going up to my FFIL's house which is about 3 hours away from us but much easier to manage than 8 hours. Plus with the way Christmas falls we only have Tuesday-Thursday off and have to be back at work on Friday. My FSIL is already putting up a big fight about it, because she would have to travel for Christmas to go to her dad's but it would be so much easier to go there for us. Plus I am allergic to pine trees and the mold specifically; and his sister always has a real tree so I end up being heavily medicated the whole time I am there (which sucks). Honestly I barely remember last year because of my allergy medication I had to take.

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I'll have to try to talk to them. It's frustrating because they just expect us to be there but they're actually the ones that have a significant amount of time off. My mom is a teacher so she'll be off all week whereas we have one day

Usually we go to my parents house because they're always festive and always host parties.

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Yeah, I think we're just going to have to deal with missing the holidays and spending the weekend prior and after with them.

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Boy am I jealous of that. My mom is an only child so she's never been good at sharing. lol

View Quoted Comment I hear you! My mom is a teacher's aide and she too has the whole week off, but we're still trekking to her! I get it completely. And the moms might get mad in the moment, but that's just because they love you guys and want you home. Just know that it's one day and you can still see them for a weekend.

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So much traveling!!! lol It would be so much easier if we were all even 2 hours apart. Unfortunately we're 5!!! I have my FH to thank for that one.

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Girl, I don't blame you at all! My family has a lot of cedar at their house which also puts me on some serious allergy meds.

And it just gets worse if/when you have children. 😳