Hiring security?!

Our venue comes with security! I think if you have a big wedding planned and you are worried about family drama it couldn't hurt to have security there!

I was thinking about hiring undercover security to act as a guest just in case my underage nephews try to drink and or anyone got out of control or if anyone tried to make a statement at "my" wedding..the undercover guest....could quietly escort them out and then give them the boot, without anyone realizing security took control?

I only have one person I am concerned about so I am having my MOH in charge of keeping any envelopes and gifts. Thank GOD for an intimate wedding. I would def. get someone to watch things, maybe an off duty police officer, offer them dinner and a small fee for their time? It's not unheard of and growing up in the catering industry, we had several even for just regular dinner parties with more than 25 guests. Especially if it was winter - think stolen mink coats!

I wasn't concerned till this weekend. Basically, we had to ask FH's cousin and sister to step down out of the wedding, because they were talking shizz about me on facebook. They were just being really ugly. So, we asked them to step down, and the cousin who was the best man told us he did not want an invite. So we did not send one. (Well honestly we sent one, and it got returned. We asked for a new address and he wouldn't give it.)

Now that we are like a month and a half away, we get told that his grandma has purchased a ticket for the uninvited cousin and that she advised her granddaughter (Cousin's sister) to write the cousin's name in on the RSVP card. Her invite was addressed to her and her boyfriend by name. I wrote her an email, because I don't have her number explaining that he was not invited by his choice, and she said she was STILL going to bring him. This is only part of the drama, but I am just seriously fed up.

My FH is a cop.. and he will have lots of cop friends there, but I hate to ask my guests to have to intervene. They are there to celebrate.

The reception hall has a police officer on location. In your situation my concern would be that hiring security might create more drama because then people might be expecting something. Does that make sense? I would just once again explain to grandma that he was not invited by his choice, maybe that will work. Hopefully because he has declined to come that even if grandma does want him there, he won't show.

Are you hiring security to have these family members removed if they show up? Or are you hiring security just in case they start a fight? In other words, if they show up but are well behaved and cordial will you let them stay?

Well I sent the message to the cousin that wrote him in, explaining that there would be a guest list with people's names on it, and if they were not on the list, then they would not be allowed in. I am having my wedding at a private property, and they don't have security.

The thing that gets me, is they all have to fly from Ohio to Texas just to crash the wedding. Maybe I am a little off my rocker, but isn't that a little far? And to me this could have all been cleared up if the cousin who is inviting himself would discuss things with my FH. But he won't even talk to him!

Future Mrs. BTA-- Probably leaning towards the asking them to leave, because I have already told them on several occasions that he is not invited. I know it sounds harsh.. but there are some other issues they have caused and I can't see them being there to be supportive of the marriage. I only see him coming to start drama.

Instead of spending the extra money to hire security and extra expense of feeding more people, have FH ask his cop friends if they would mind stepping in, in the event there was a problem. Not that they would be there "working" and specifically for that reason.

I just think it is sad that I even have to consider this.

Rachel, I hate to say it, b/c I would avoid having to bring security into it for any reason, but I can't think of a good reason to fly across the country for a wedding I was not invited to. However, I think I would ask FH's policy officer guests to be on alert (and know what the extent of what they can do off-duty is ahead of time) rather than hire security that will stand out.

Rachel M, I was thinking the same thing.

Can I ask where his mother/father are in all of this? I mean, his sister and cousin bashing you on FB for no reason. Do they have reason? (Not being rude, I'm just trying to get the big picture). I feel sorry for your FH to be stuck in between this family drama

Ahh, ok then. If you don't want him there, I totally understand why you want to hire security. The way our venue works is we give them a guest list and the Maitr'e D will check their names. If their names aren't on the list, they don't get in unless me or FH say it's ok. Wow, I don't really know what to suggest because regardless if you hire security or you ask one of your guests to intervene, it's gonna be a dramatic situation especially depending on how your unwanted guest reacts. It's really a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

@J&R.. thanks. I just don't get it as well. I need a hug.

@Will be Mrs. B-- unfortunately, his parents have been right in the middle as well. They are having issues with letting him go.. so anything wedding related, his mother fights me on it. We paid for the wedding, so we have that going for us, but honestly I could literally not talk to them at all.. and somehow it always revolves to being my fault. I have gotten over his parents not being supportive.. but it is spreading across the family.. and since we are 1000 miles away.. we can't seem to end it all.. I would love to be a total bish to them all, but my faith won't allow me. Struggling though

I thought I was the only one dealing with this! Ever since I got engaged my sister and his sister have gone seriously wacky. So much to the point that I told FH that we needed to have someone on hand just in case either of them decided to put on a show for everyone. For once it's MY day and I am for sure not going to let either of them and their jealousy ruin it for me. FH swears that his BM knows how to do the sleeper hold and I really hope it's true because nothing would surprise me at this point!!!

It's gotten to the point where I am willing to sacrifice the rehearsal dinner which his parents were supposed to be holding. I will take everyone to McDonalds if I have too. LOL

I will be having security there is already talk about people crashing my wedding and my wedding is not until next year

Future Mrs. BTA--- I know!! I told my FH we should just pretend to cancel the wedding, and then still have it, because we are so close we can't get all of the money back. If we make them think we went to the Justice of the Peace, then they won't come. However, there are family members who are not involved that we still want to see. So at what point does an invite stop becoming something that is expected and more of an honor to be asked to be there?

My wedding planners response.. I have to say.. i like it.

Hi Rachel,

I am so sorry you are having to go through all this!

My best advice would be to not have them at your wedding at all. I know Daniel has tried but I would have him contact them again and let them know that because of their actions they are no longer invited to the wedding and also let them know there will be security there in case they do try to come. I think Daniel needs to be the one to talk to them because they are his family and that way it does not look like it is coming from you. If I were you I would have no further contact them either, at least until after the wedding, so that they don't cause you anymore stress.

With Daniel being in the police department does he have any friends who are coming to the wedding already who could act as security for you so that you don't have to pay for someone?