Helpful Husbands?

My FW hasn't proactively sought out vendors or booked things on her own, but she's attended every meeting and given her input on anything I've asked about or things she feels strongly about. Some people aren't planners. If that's your FH, I wouldn't expect him to change for this event. If there are specific things that you need help with, tell him that. Most people don't go into it knowing how to plan a wedding, he could just be completely clueless. Communicate with him.

I did the leg work for researching vendors, but we went to all appointments together (except my dress shopping). He had input on the larger stuff. He left all the small details to me. Guest list we did together. He was also very involved with the music because that is important to him. I would try to include him by showing him invitation designs or whatnot and he'd be like "yeah, sure" because I knew he would say if he really didn't like something.

My husband did not contribute "much" to planning. I planned our wedding 95% by myself. Yes, this was OUR wedding...but lets be real...guys don't care about wedding planning. Trust in knowing that this is actually quite normal.

I've been having fun (for the most part) with planning, but FH has helped find vendors I was struggling with (photographer and officiant), and I get his opinion before I make or book anything. I'm certainly doing more of the planning, but I'm also a lot pickier and actually enjoy it. As far as changing your guestlist, I'm strongly against skipping people you sent save the dates to. Even if they haven't made plans yet, or if they're definitely not coming, I still think it's rude to get a promise of an invitation but then no actual invite. As far as adding people - I wouldn't remove anyone to add someone else, but if you have room in your budget for more people, I think it'd be ok to invite them.

My FW has been involved in the tasks that play to her interests and strengths. We both knew what we wanted for a venue, both researched options, and reviewed the final choice together. She sought out bakeries and was very involved in picking our flavors. She booked our caterer and had a list of questions for our photographer. She chose her suit and the outfits for our best men. She has made certain requests and if she can't find it, I will provide a few choices and run them by her. However, other than a couple of song requests, she wanted to leave the music to me. She suggested lanterns for our centerpieces but left the final details to me. I run pretty much everything by her. If she likes it she either agrees or lets me run on and on with whatever idea rant I'm in the middle of. If she doesn't she lets me know. Men are often taught that women dream of weddings their whole life and the planning is their joy/duty. If you want more involvement you may need to talk to him. I might also suggest you offer options to help him. A lot of men have no idea what goes into planning a wedding or how to support you in the process. Good luck and enjoy your wedding planning.

My fiance is by my side for everything. Every email, every telephone call, every visit. He's excited and wants to plan with me.
I keep being told he's some kind of anomaly because men don't plan weddings 🙄
Personally I think with the amount of effort, time, and money involved in a wedding the groom should absolutely do work. I can't think of any other occasion you'd give your spouse several thousand dollars and just say "whatever you want" and be done with it. 🤷

I've ended up doing majority of our planning, however, I run everything by my FH. I chose our photographer but he was there at the meetings leading up to booking her. He also did the other vendor appointments. I will say that he picked out our STDs and is designing our signs for the wedding. He'll also help pick out the cater this month.

Have you talked to him about how rude it is to send save the dates, and not invites to guests? My husband was pretty helpful (even though he planned an elaborate proposal) whenever I needed him, but I did most the planning because I wanted to and I'm more organized. But he went to venue tours, cake tastings, catering tastings, helped with the guest list, helped stamp & address envelopes, helped pick our officiant & photographer & videographer & venue, picked his groomsmen, picked their suits, wrote bios on our wedding website, and helped with the honeymoon.

My FH has done nothing. Like close to nothing. He got his guest list and tux ordered and that was it.

My FH and I have done most of the planning together. I do most of the leg work on research but he also looks into things on his own. He hasn't officially proposed yet, so lately his research has consisted of looking at engagement rings haha. Currently we are on the fence about having a traditional wedding with a reception or going to Vegas and only having a select group of people there.

My husband was pretty unhelpful aha BUT he was when it came to what he wanted in the wedding. So I kind of delegated some tasks to him that he's more excited about

We split it 50/50 because it was important that we work together. It wasn’t “my” wedding so it made no sense to put all the emotional labor on me.

We we had to take a structured approach with both of us being in grad school. Once a week we had a planned out “date” night where we went over what we did and what needed to be done. We helped each other when we got hung up (freaking flowers, they were so hard). I think it helped us to have set timelines and to-do lists. We both work well knowing what needs to be done.

This is was one of the best parts of wedding planning was knowing, with proof, that my husband could and would split large important tasks no matter how much society says it’s a woman’s job. I was even more confident on my wedding day that I was ready to marry him knowing that I could have a partner.

My FH wasn't that helpful when it came to planning initially which I didn't mind all that much because my FH doesn't care much about colors and invitations and stuff like that. He's more concerned with how much everything costs, haha.

I think as things have gotten more hectic and complicated that he's definitely started to step up where he can. So I've given him some things to work on and figure out to make things easier.

My FH has 0 interest in wedding stuff but he approves everything I pick. I always bring it to him and say "is this cool?" He toured most of the venues with me, but I met with the videographer with my mom because he was working a lot at the time and couldn't attend the meeting.

I have said to him multiple times "don't come crying to me when I make you do something silly or something you don't like because YOU said you didn't care!" hahaha.

My FH has no sense of planning or urgency and every task he takes on turns into a jumbled mess. For instance, only one of his groomsmen has his suit, and he barely gave the invitations to his uncles yesterday and the wedding is in a month! But I don't let it get to me, he is the way he is and I love him for it and I'm totally capable of putting together the stuff he's taken apart!

FH didn't have much of a clue what goes into wedding planning. I had to ask him to do specific things like order ties for the groomsmen and find a videographer.

This is both you and FH's wedding. Both of you should be working as a team to plan your wedding together!

My FH has been pretty helpful with planning. He contributed to guest list, stuffed our STDs, toured venues, went to tastings, and went to florists appointments. He's even put together playlists and is POC with DJ, arranged attire for the groomsmen, picked out rings, looked at rehearsal venues with me.

He really has been enjoying putting his input or helping out where's he's comfortable. When it's come to décor and style, that's all me but I still liked to run it by him. As for managing details and vendors that's all me lol.

View Quoted Comment Definitely, I made it very clear that if people had received a save the date it’s extremely rude not to send them an invite!

My husband isn't too much of a planner type but definitely helped out with the wedding. I think he felt guilty if I was doing wedding stuff while he played video games, so he'd always check in to see if there was something he could take on.
He ended up researching venues with me and touring them alone (I was on vacation!), compiling his guest list and seating chart for his tables, doing tastings, choosing wedding music, driving me the 4 hours (one-way) to all my hair and make-up previews, coordinating all things related to the groomsmen, and taking care of the entire rehearsal/welcome party (venue, catering, etc). I couldn't have asked for more. ☺️

View Quoted Comment This sounds like the perfect balance!