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Dedicated August 2015

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natalia, on April 28, 2015 at 10:30 AM

I have been having this issue for awhile and its now has come into a full on fight between my fiance and myself. His family has 4 tables (40 people) my side has 2 tables (20 ppl) most of those invited on his side are family friends and we are two very different cultures (polish and Iranian) my mom asked me yesterday how many each side has in tables i told her the number and she lost it.. she was very upset she feels she is the minority. She feels it will be awkward for her as we will have persian music and the entire venue is mainly persian she will feel out of place. His mom keeps inviting more people without even asking us increasing this number. My parents dont listen to polish music so i cant add that in.. i think they just feel really out of place. Im really in the middle,. invites are out so we cant dis-invite anyone. I suggested that we can make it more neutral if we only had English music as everyone there will know it,

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22 Comments

Expert May 2016
Nye · on April 28, 2015 at 12:53 PM
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I feel that I'm in a similar situation as you are, minus the upset mom. My side of the invite is around 15, FH's side is around 35, and we have a shared five or so. I'm the uncomfortable one because I don't really want to invite some of his cousins, but he says that he has to or they'll be offended.

Honestly, I have no tact whatsoever. I would call and tell those people that your FMIL invited who you don't know and tell them they are not invited to the wedding on the grounds that you have no connection to them. I understand wanting to accommodate your FH, but spending tons of money needlessly is not a fair request of you, IMO. I think a wedding of 60 is still intimate enough that your mom and other family won't feel too outnumbered.
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Just Said Yes February 2020
Sarah · on June 19, 2019 at 10:50 PM
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So I’m the Persian in the relationship with fewer family/guests attending (family in Iran cannot get into the states) and he is Peruvian with majority of the guests. We are for sure playing Persian music but not the entire night! I love salsa/bachata and a lot of other Spanish music and dancing so we will also have that. But of course we all live here in the states so majority of music will be English songs . When it comes to the number of guests yes it sucks that he has more but we can’t help it who is family or friend. It’s imporant that we (you and I) have people coming and attending our wedding. Don’t focus too much on who has more. It is what it is. But I will say if you and your mom are paying- then his mom needs to stop adding or she should start paying for her friends to come!
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