help

Adding more: he got upset over this as he thinks im not respecting his culture. My mom does not want to add more people because A) she really doesn't have anyone. B) she feels weddings should be close family and friends not parents friends... I dont knwo what to do, I see my moms view i know she will feel very outnumbered and she is shy to begin with... what can i do to fix this issue. NOTES: I myself am paying for the wedding no help from the parents other then gifts

I think your mom needs to chill out and stop getting worked up about something stupid. I am in a similar situation but I embrace my fiancees giant catholic Italian family. My tiny Jewish/Southern family is completely outnumbered. But this isn't a competition, there doesn't need to be this feeling of majority vs minority. That's a silly way of looking at this.

First question: Who is paying for it? Thats going to have a big part of the conversation, but also things can't change now.

Why are you only having Persian music at the reception? Maybe you can play it (softly) during dinner and subtly throughout the night, mixing in more mainstream music that everyone can enjoy?

The Iranian culture is ALL about family. I think your mom should chill out, like Allison said. It's your wedding, if you are ok with it, tell her to stop!

I am paying for the entire wedding.. i see her point tho.. its more of awkwardness.. they are shy.. and my grandmother from poland is going to be there and she is totally not used to culture differences..

Natalia I understand where you are coming from - my parents are Polish too, FH is Croatian (and has divorced parents and a generally larger family, so their guest list is obviously bigger).

My mom was happy as a clam until she found out we were having a lot of Croatian food for the midnight snack (FH is a Croat and it was really important to him and his family - plus it is really yummy). I am going to talk to the venue about adding in pierogies too so that there is some of both, and she was satisfied with that

Talk to them and see what is important - maybe have some Polish music (my father/daughter dance is definitely going to be), or Polish vodka served, or something that ties in your culture too

My parents are paying, and since i have a tiny family its mostly friends and FH family ( i am still a little bitter i let my FMIL guilt me into inviting people they havent seen in 20 years because they are invited to FSIL wedding).

But we will be in the same situation, but my mom doesn't seem to care at all.

Talk to your mom again. Explain that during the wedding they aren't even going to notice the other guest. She will be too wrapped up with your family while enjoying this moment. Maybe talk to FH as well about not completely cutting out all of the music but adding in other music that is more neutral.

1. Your mom needs to acknowledge and embrace the cultural differences. I'm not Chaldean, but the most fun wedding I've been to was a Chaldean one...it was so different than what I was used to and so fun.

2. I see where mom is coming from....a daughter's wedding day is a big thing for a mom....this sounds bad, but its almost a chance for them to relive THEIR wedding day but not have to worry about all the stress and drama that a bride does. Mom's just get to have fun

3. I'm with your mom about weddings being only close friends and family, not everyone the bride and groom has ever met, but I've assumed you and your FH have also compromised on the guest list?

4. Is there something you can do to try and make your mom a bit more comforatable (even though I think she's over reacting just a bit)...a certain food that she/your family loves that would make a tasty late night snack?

Maybe suggest to your mom that she use this as an opportunity to learn about your FH's (and future children's) culture. I think it would be great to see how another group celebrates and who knows, she may find that she loves Persian music. Or maybe your family will.

First, I would try to get your FMIL to stop inviting people. Then I would tell your mother that it isn't numbers that important but that the important people in your life are there. Since it seems like your mother's desired guest list has been fulfilled.

If you grandma isn't use to culture difference you knew that when you started dating him, continued to be in a relationship with him and said yes when he proposed. This is part of your culture now too, and half of your future children's cultural as well. This is not the time to Americanize (some may say whitewash) your wedding because they are not use to his culture. You guys are different thats a good thing. As far as him having more people than you and his mother inviting people, thats a conversation you guys need to have, because if shes not paying how dare she add people to the tab.

I think your mom is being a bit over dramatic. She needs to embrace the culture difference. Who knows she may even have a good time. My FMIL reacted the same way when we set the guest list. I have a huge family so she thought she had to make up by adding more of her friends to make the sides "even". I was not happy about it at all. I explained its not about the numbers its about being surrounded by friends and family we love and know and care about us.

FMIL also said "When you want to play Portuguese music we can make an announcement so people understand what is going on." I lost it. I responded with "I'm sorry but there will be no announcement. We aren't going to be made to feel like weirdos because my family wants to hear something I grew up dancing to and is normal for half the people. Just because you guys don't know it doesn't mean we have to warn guests its coming." Its not like we are playing something ridiculous. I was so upset. I felt like its unacceptable to be me at my own damn wedding.

It is something that is clearly important to your husband and his family. And you seem to enjoy the food and culture. Its about the 2 of you blending, not about your mom not having more people and being uncomfortable around different cultures.

Yea we are telling our MIL that we CANT have anymore people... its getting crazy and no she is not paying for the wedding.. second: my family is upset cuz many of those people she invited are people we dont even know... so i see my moms point there. my parents grew up in a bubble. They dont know how weddings work and they are very shy. My mom isnt mad like bitchy shes sad and upset that she will feel like a minority. i feel more bad for my mom then anything else. FOR THOSE THAT HAD MY SITUATION per hour how many songs from the other culture is good? we are thinking 2-3 songs per hour

please advise

@Natalia our wedding hasn't happened yet, but we're giving each side about 10 songs over the entire night (and front-end loading them cuz we figure the older people who really want to hear the cultural music likely won't stay super late). So about 2-3 songs that are either Croatian or Polish per hour... until about midnight, and after that it'll be a mix of 90s hip hop and house music haha

ETA - if you aren't doing both, I still think 2-3 Persian songs per hour should be enough to make everyone happy.

Thanks guys i have been upset over this issue all day and my fiance and i are now in an argument and my mom is upset and my mom is like my best friend i cant have her be sad... i just want things to go well..

Thanks guys i have been upset over this issue all day and my fiance and i are now in an argument and my mom is upset and my mom is like my best friend i cant have her be sad... i just want things to go well..

@Natalia. I would just tell your mom to embrace it. I bet she will have a lot of fun and learn about a culture that clearly you love and will probably be important in your childrens lives (if you have kids). Maybe show her videos or play some songs for her so she can hear it and have a little bit of knowledge about it.

We are planning on doing about 5 Portuguese songs throughout the night. If more people try and dance we will do more, if not we will do less. I personally want to dance with my mom and sister to one and my cousins. My mom also is in the process of teaching FH to dance to them too. Its hysterical and will be fun.

We are having 37 people at ours, and 30 are his family. 5 are friends, and then my parents. Have your fh tell fmil she can not invite anyone else because you simply can not afford more people. (Does she have a box of your invitations at her house? How did she invite these people? Technically, if the people didnt receive a written invitataion they arent invited) Then, incorporate some Polish foods and traditions into your ceremony and/or reception. Your Mom will be fine. Dont let her rain on your parade. If you sent the invitations to fhs side, then you invited them - not your fmil. Its done deal with it.

We're having a multicultural wedding where FH's side is much bigger than mine. We are doing our best to blend the cultures everywhere we can--a band my dad picked and a DJ and represents FH's side more, for example. Our caterer also insisted on doing foods from both our cultures, so we are doing that as well. Both sides of our families have asked/pushed for certain things to be represented and we've done as much as possible to accommodate as long as we could also fit the things we liked and wanted as a couple. Honestly, like others here, I get where your mom is coming from, and she probably just needs to be reminded this isn't a competition. Tell her that the unevenness isn't going to change because your FH's side is just bigger and know more people, and there will be Persian music because that is something that will make the wedding fun for them. Therefore, what can you do at the wedding to ensure she and your family have a good time and feel represented?

As for music, I would talk to your DJ about what music you and FH want played (including that which is for you families' enjoyment) and see what s/he says about the playlist, how many songs per hour, etc.