Joan
Beginner September 2020

Help! What should i do?

Joan, on June 28, 2020 at 10:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 29
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My wedding caterer was found dead and there is foul play involved. He was the owner and operator of his business. I dont want to be insensitive to the family situation because it was unexpected however i dont have a caterer and I paid him in full. What is a empathetic way of asking for your money back. Wedding is in 2 months.

29 Comments

Latest activity by Blane, on June 30, 2020 at 1:02 AM
  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    Woah what? Can't you wait a couple of weeks? I'm sure you'll get your money back. I know you need to figure out a catering solution, but this person was murdered and you need to chill out about your celebration
    • Reply
  • Kerin
    Super February 2021
    Kerin ·
    • Flag
    OMG!! What a horrible situation. I would look for an alternative and seek restitution for what you paid later.


    My heart goes out to the family.
    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    • Flag

    How awful. In all honesty I don’t like your chances, unfortunately - I have a feeling everything to do with his business is likely to be frozen until the investigation is complete and his will goes to probate. You might well be able to claim your money (or at least try) from his estate, but that’s not going to happen quickly. I’d have a consult with a lawyer to find out what your options are, because I suspect it’s definitely going to involve legal processes.

    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    Unfortunately this one isn't going to be straightforward.

    Depending on your caterer's business setup (i.e. if there were other directors in the business etc) then the funds will have have to be dealt with accordingly and will likely form part of your late caterer's estate, which means you'll need to deal with the beneficiaries.

    Start looking for another caterer but be prepared it will be a while before you see the money. Give it some time if you can, the family will be busy sorting things out and grieving.

    • Reply
  • Ashshaw2022
    Dedicated May 2022
    Ashshaw2022 ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    100 percent this calm down he was murdered I suggest you wait
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    OK, so I’m probably gonna be the unpopular voice here and I understand he was murdered, but you also have your wedding in two months. There must be someone else in charge there that is handling all of this right now. I’d probably talk to a lawyer if I were you. This could get dicey. I’d also definitely find a different catering company at this point.
    • Reply
  • L
    Expert September 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    Just find someone else and worry about the money later. I’m not exactly sure but I think the business would have gone to someone in the family and they can handle it for you. You may need a lawyer though cause thats a tricky situation.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    I think probably the most empathetic way to address the issue would be to just call the business. Express your condolences but also expressed that you paid in full. It’s unfortunate about what happened to this guy but do you think your guests will be understanding if you don’t have any food at your wedding? I’m sure a lot of other people are calling and are in a similar situation to you and I don’t think there’s any harm in calling the place expressing your condolences and asking them about a refund. It’s kind of interesting to read some of the other posts. I can’t imagine anyone would be that sympathetic if their wedding was two months away and they were running the risk of not having any food being served. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I agree with previous posters and I would wait at least a week before calling. Maybe try and email because yes your day is important but this must be hard for the family. What you can do for now is find another caterer ASAP before that gets booked. If need be, go to family or your FH to borrow money if need be. Yes your wedding is important and I can agree with the PP that if it were someone else's situation they would freak out too but if they ask advice most likely they would hear something they may not want to hear. I would not call demanding money and in fact as someone stated I would look into what you can do as if he was the sole owner it could be awhile before the money is returned. Were there others that worked in the company? The owner may have died but that does not guarantee the business itself shut down unless he is the only employee. Are his family members employees? If not, then I see no harm in reaching out to the business but maybe start with email first and then if in a week no response then call.

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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    Wow sorry to hear this ...reaching out and seeing how you can get refunded ...jusr explaining and show proof you paid. I would reach out to the company itself
    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    Definitely agree with pp regarding waiting and having respect for the caterers family. I'm sure you are not the only one affected by this. In the meantime, do you have wedding insurance? Perhaps this would be covered.

    I'd start looking for another caterer and don't expect immediate resolution of the current caterer - there will likely be some legal hoops to battle.

    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Devoted July 2020
    Brandi ·
    • Flag
    I think the “calm down” was unnecessary. Anyway, I would suggest waiting a week or so before contacting the business/family. Give them sometime. Express your condolences. After the week, I would try and find time to speak with someone in charge of his estate/business and see what your available options are. I would also look into a lawyer and start finding another caterer. I’m sorry this was your experience, sorry for the life that was taken and pray that this works out for you.
    • Reply
  • Joan
    Beginner September 2020
    Joan ·
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    Thank you I appreciate that. This is why i am asking for advice..

    • Reply
  • Joan
    Beginner September 2020
    Joan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I have started that process. i didnt put it on the original but ive waited for 2 months already.

    • Reply
  • Joan
    Beginner September 2020
    Joan ·
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    He was the only person who handled his business as far as cooking. I assumed he had servers because our contract did state servers. I did tell me his girlfriend was the bartender. I wasnt even aware of his passing. I found out that he died when I saw the local news. but I was trying to email him numerous times for the past 4 months but no response. I finally saw on facebook that his funeral was coming up. This happened 2 months ago. I feel ive waiting enough just dont know what to say,

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  • Joan
    Beginner September 2020
    Joan ·
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    Thank you so much this is what I was looking for. Thank you for not judging me . this is why I asked here first. last thing I want is people to think im inconsiderate. Ive waited for 2 months already.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    Yeah if this was 2 months ago, I'd be on the phone today.

    • Reply
  • Joan
    Beginner September 2020
    Joan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you for not judging me. I appreciate your feedback.

    • Reply
  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry I misjudged you. There's a huge difference between two months of waiting and wanting to immediately speak to a grieving family. Definitely reach out and still offer condolences. I suspect that you may have to wait for your refund though. His estate may be frozen until the end of the investigation. Talk with a lawyer and see what you can find that's availabl. Sorry again for my initial reaction
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah, two months is plenty of time. I would give them a call and I’d probably record the voice call if I were in your shoes too. ♥️
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