HELP!!! Pre-Wedding Party (No Shower) before Destination Wedding???

Okay okay, before any judgement comes my way.. here are a few things you should know. We invited over 150 guests with children to our actual wedding & only about 15-20 will be there (including us). We knew that many wouldn't be able to make it for whatever reasons, but please understand that those who will be invite to the party were ALSO already invited to the wedding (I know it’s bad etiquette to invite people to pre-wedding events if they weren’t invited to the wedding). The idea is to have more of a party or a celebration of us, in a relaxed atmosphere (sister's backyard who is hosting) where people can just have a great time. I wouldn't wear my wedding dress or treat it like a wedding reception.. but I’m not sure how to go about wording this for guests on the invite??

My FH & I have also lived together for 5 yrs & have 2 kids, so having a registry for things we already have isn’t really a must for us. Although I will be honest, we could really use the cash to help us save for next steps of buying our 1st home (instead of getting house stuff we already have or won’t be used). Should my sister just not include anything regarding gifts on the invite & if people ask she can nicely suggest cash? HELP?? We have no idea how to go about this!

@MrsWrs I removed the picture as it was too small to see and edited my post... the rest of the wording is in the 2 comments above yours. TY!

You could have a couples shower! Or call it an "I Do BBQ"!

How to Plan a Co-ed Wedding Shower

If you're not trying to make it a shower (which it seems like you're not), I would invite everyone to it as a "send-off party for the future couple." Hold it the weekend before you leave for your destination, and your guests should get the point that it is to wish you well for your wedding. And I would absolutely not put anything about cash anywhere, and I'd only have family spread the word if directly asked.

ETA: So a scenario like this-

Guest: Oh, I got an invite to Stephanie and FS's send-off party. I'm so excited, I can't wait to come. Do you have any ideas what I should get them as a gift?

Sister: Wow, that is so sweet of you. Gifts are not necessary but if you really feel like you'd like to give them something, I know that they are saving for __________, and they might appreciate some help towards that. We are so excited to get to see you!

Have you already sent out invites for your wedding?

I don't think a shower is appropriate for a DW.

Lot's of people host an AHR (at home reception) after their DW to celebrate with people who couldn't make the trip to the wedding. That sounds similar to what you are describing here. Usually the invitations call it a "Celebration of Marriage" or something similar.

@WWLynnie.. thank you for that link & suggestion!! That's not a bad idea & could actually make sense to my sister & dad lol. I also like the idea of doing the gifts towards a theme... what would you suggest for wording towards a theme for saving to buy a home?? I'm stumped on that one as well.

Again, everyone on my list for this "party" was already invited to our wedding. The save the dates went out months ago b/c it's a destination wedding, actual invites have not gone out yet but will be soon (next 4-6 weeks or so). The couples shower makes better sense... then I guess I can make a small registry & then as @Susan mentioned.. have my sister or dad say: Wow, that is so sweet of you. Gifts are not necessary but if you really feel like you'd like to give them something, I know that they are saving for __________, and they might appreciate some help towards that. We are so excited to get to see you!

@Cabo, why would a shower be inappropriate for a DW? I had one and only invited people who were invited to the wedding (90% of which actually attended the wedding).

OP, Asking people to give you money to buy a home is not a theme....

So you just want people to come and give you cash

Also just a quick note, we are getting married 8/18 & won't be back until the end of Aug. Then it's labor day and the start of school.. so having something like a "Celebration of Marriage" after won't work for my sister who will be hosting as far as timing goes and b/c the weather will be getting colder & she cannot host that many people at her home if not outside.

Having a shower for a DW is fine but not if you just want to be showered in cash. If you're not creating a registry, you don't have a shower. Call it something else, and don't mention anything about gifts. Some people may choose to give you money or a gift, but that'll be up to them.

So then you don't have a celebration of marriage (which I think is weird anyways if you are inviting a large number to your DW). You have your wedding and be done with it.

OP wants her cake and eat it too

DEF not meant to sound that way at all.. but My FH & have lived together for over 5 years, have a ton of things around the house.. have 2 kids.. we kind of don't need more sheets, towels, etc. The next step after actually getting married is hoping to buy a home. I don't want to sound tacky and I don't want to straight up ask for cash, but in reality it would be of better use to us considering we aren't doing things the traditional way.. engaged, married, kids, house. I'd rather not say anything regarding gifts then if that's the case, and if someone asks let them know we are saving to buy a house. This hopefully isn't a judgement thing, just please understand where I am coming from & as I've never done this before.. I don't know what's right or wrong.

If someone asks you tell them you aren't registered. You don't mention the house. That's just gross.

Then don't have a shower and just have your DW

This party is something that my dad & sister would like to do for us. I think my dad feels bad that not many people are coming (even though we knew that) & wants to throw us a party. We never had an engagement party either, so having a party to celebrate US with the people we care about is what they are trying to do. I'm not trying to sound like I'm a cash cow (serious judgement from some of you), but we seriously don't need typical bridal shower gifts. Saying we are saving for a house is what we are actually trying to do whether this party happens or not), and I’m just asking if there is a way to include that, or if I should, or not. This forum is supposed to HELP people who have no idea what they are doing (me!!), not to bash people down by saying I want my cake and eat it to. I’m not an *sshole, just looking for guidance.. thanks.

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