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Help! Need Advice about attending brother-in-laws 2nd wedding

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Courtney, on January 30, 2020 at 1:33 PM

My husband and I are in quite a bind. His brother has asked him to be his best man at his wedding. This is his brother's second wedding (her first). We're really happy for him but we live quite a way away and they aren't offering to help with any travel expenses or just booking a block of hotel rooms or anything. We'd have to spend over $650 for plane tickets for the two of us. Plus another $650 or more for 3 nights in a hotel (all the hotels they gave us are over $200 a night because it's in California wine country and that's the cheaper ones). Plus we'd be expected to rent a car because there's no provided transportation (maybe $30 a day plus tax?). This doesn't include a wedding gift or whatever other expenses(food). This is also assuming my mom can watch our 2 kids while we're gone. We're really happy for them and everything and my husband wants to be there for his brother but this is a whole lot if money for us. I mean if all this comes in under $2000 I'd be surprised. What the heck do we do? Spending that kid of money is really hard for us especially when we've got 2 kids to support. Do we say we can't or is there a cheaper way I'm missing? Any advice?

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Master May 2020
Kari · on January 31, 2020 at 9:44 AM
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I don't think its reasonable for any couple to expect guests (even if in the wedding party) to shell out thousands of dollars just to attend their affair. If you cannot afford it, then you cannot afford it. If couples choose to have a destination wedding or a wedding in an expensive area, they need to anticipate that guests will opt not to come due to the cost alone.

Would your husband go without you? I had friends where the wife was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in Seattle (they were living on the East Coast at the time) and she agreed and just went back home on her own and her husband stayed here.
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Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 31, 2020 at 10:02 AM
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If your mom can watch your babies and if you can afford the expenses, go but don't give a gift. My sister had to come to NY from FL and flew her entire family (husband and 2 kids) with her, plus she came up with the 2 kids for the bridal shower previously. She easily dropped $1500 on transportation. I told her she didn't need to get me a gift but she's my big sister, so she gave us a few hundred bucks anyway.

If you don't have childcare, your husband should still go, but maybe you can stay back.
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