Help! My Mother-in-law is trying to invite my fiancé’s ex girlfriend and her family

“Our answer was no and we will not be changing our minds. If that means you’ll be unable to attend, we will miss you.” Your FH needs to call his mom’s bluff. I highly doubt she’d miss her son’s wedding because his ex-girlfriend isn’t invited. You shouldn’t be having to explain anything to her. This is his job.

Fiance needs to tell her one last time that because they TWO of you do not want them there they will NOT be invited under any circumstance and neither of you will discuss it with her again. If she threatens to not come, he should calmly tell her that he would be extremely sad if she makes that choice, but will respect her decision. Then, the conversation is over. It seems bizarre that she's going to these lengths to include people HE clearly doesn't want there, but more than anything he needs to make it clear what the boundaries are regarding your marriage and her attempts to "influence" things. Good luck!

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He’s been the one dealing with it. He’s told her no firmly several times. And then she cornered me about it while he was in the bathroom. I panicked. I never said yes. I did everything I could to avoid the issue. And the following week he told her no again without my being there, explained she was hurting my feelings and everything. He’s her only child. We know it’s bull just to get her way but omg.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!
Yeah it’s the most outrageous thing to have to deal with. And for her to threaten this being his only surviving parent and an only child...

I would talk to her and and explain why this is uncomfortable and knowing that I would ask her why is it so important that they be invited to his wedding. Have you gotten along with her? Ask her how would she feel if this was her wedding and someone wanted to invite an ex of her husband to be?

“No” is a complete sentence. If she wants to be childish and not attend her son’s wedding because she can’t invite his ex that’s on her.

View Quoted Comment We’ve never had an issue in the over 4 years my fiancé and I have been together. This came outta left field. And the kicker is, we were looking at her wedding album and was telling me how one of her ex-husband’s groomsmen was dating the best friend of his ex girlfriend. And was brought to the wedding. The best friend of the groom’s ex constantly reminded her that she didn’t like her and that they’d been together for 6 years. So I don’t know how she doesn’t understand.

View Quoted Comment I wanna doubt that she wouldn’t actually miss her only son getting married. But idk. “No” will forever be the final verdict on that. Even if she keeps asking up til the day the invites go out.

I'm sorry this is happening. Mother-in-laws can be very difficult. Mine tried telling me when we could have a baby because she was planning a vacation. My husband talked to her numerous times yet she still confronted me about it when he was in the bathroom so I totally understand your situation. He should continue telling her no and if she threatens not to attend tell her she will be missed then. If she corners you again, tell her that you and her son had agreed that his ex and the ex's family will not be invited. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what you want.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, because, not gonna lie, this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

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That is odd. I would maybe say you both sit with her and ask what caused all this? I would maybe even mention how you really want a great relationship with her and you have always liked her but that how inviting this woman and her family to their wedding knowing how it hurts them both and then saying that she will not go if they do not go is really upsetting you two and that you are not sure why she is behaving this way.

Rationalizing with irrational people isn't going to work, unfortunately. I agree with the PPs that have mentioned repeating "No, and if that means you won't be attending, we'll miss you at the wedding" right up until the moment you walk down the aisle. Boundaries need to be set early and often with literally anyone that holds a position in your life. It's not fun, but remain firm if she corners you or tries to get at you again. Other than that, fiancé should just repeat the above to his mother.

Side note: you said she's not paying for the venue/catering--is she contributing financially to any aspect of the wedding? If so, she might try to hold that over your heads in an attempt to get them invited, just a heads up.

Let this be your fiancés problem since it’s his mother. I’d have him simply tell her that they’re not invited, period. End of discussion. This is not up for debate. If she’s REALLY not going to attend her son’s wedding over this, then that’s her choice and her loss.

I would remind her one last time that they are not invited. I’d also remind her that this is yours and your fiancé’s wedding, not hers. If she does not want to come because of that, then fine. That is one less person you have to pay for.

Oh wow. MIL sounds incredibly pushy, unreasonable, and self-absorbed. Your fiancé needs to put his foot down with her & tell her they will NOT be invited and that’s the end of it. If she chooses not to come to the wedding, then she is showing that she cares more about the ex than she does about her own son & his happiness. Surely she wouldn’t do that. Most often these types of people just use threats as a way to attempt to bully others into giving in to them & getting what they want. If she tries to threaten him again with not coming to the wedding, he should simply say: I really hope you would care more about supporting your son and his happiness than you would about the attendance of people who would make me feel uncomfortable on what should be one of the happiest days of my life. I hope you choose to support me on this big day, but if the happiness of others is more important to you, then that is your decision.
So sorry you and your FH are going through this. It is incredibly unfair of your FMIL to have put you in this position. Good luck... I hope it all works out!!

What the heck?
I'd have to say call her bluff.
If you guys were friendly and cool with each other, I'd say go for it. But you're not friends, she's not supportive. No. No way.

Additionally, WHY would she [the ex] want to be invited or feel comfortable being there?


I'm friendly with a guy I had dated. But I don't like his [now] wife. While this guy and I are still just friends, I would not have wanted to go to that wedding if I had been invited. And he is not invited to our wedding either. It sounds like she's on much less friendly terms.

Omg thats awful and im so sorry you're dealing with that. I would just stand your ground and keep saying no.

She doesn’t have to understand. ITS NOT HER WEDDING. You both don’t want them there so done they aren’t invited. I know its hard to put your foot down with family but what needs to be done needs to be done. My FMIL is the same way “fit throwing, too nice to get mad bc she’s just trying to help etc” but being bold and putting her in her place has helped ALOT

UPDATE ladies:
My FH was out at dinner tonight with his mom and she managed to bring up her end of the guest list without mentioning them at all! Progress! But he thinks we should still sit her down together to firmly plant that no.