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Rebeccah
Just Said Yes October 2016

Help! Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom Difficulties

Rebeccah, on March 9, 2021 at 3:19 PM

Posted in Wedding Attire 26

So I want a disclaimer that I really am not trying to be difficult or Bridezilla on my end and am truly truly trying to be flexible- would just appreciate some flexibility from the moms! My fiance and I are getting married in May and have some what of a unique color scheme. I am trying to find ways...

So I want a disclaimer that I really am not trying to be difficult or Bridezilla on my end and am truly truly trying to be flexible- would just appreciate some flexibility from the moms! My fiance and I are getting married in May and have some what of a unique color scheme. I am trying to find ways to incorporate a burnt orange/ rust color into the palette after realizing the other color that's apart of the scheme was taking over a lot. Since that burnt orange color is hard to find I found a dress for my mom to try in that color. After her throwing it on with kleenex up her nose from a nose bleed and looking somewhat disheveled- no makeup and tying the tie completely half done. She was adamant that it wasn't going to work. All I asked of her was to wait until my sister came to visit in a few days (she lives in a different state) to see if there was anyway she could help her with some alterations that could be made since she is short and wasn't tying it correctly. I told her in the mean time I would look and try to find other options with that color which didn't seem to matter at all. This got a lot of back lash- like a big blow-up. . She ended up going to my aunts to who helped her a lot and made her feel more comfortable but we still ended up going a different direction which I was totally fine with.

Mean while I am also filling in my Future MOL about the new dress my mom and I found and that there was one that was a similar style and color that would go with my moms which she was willing to try with some expected alterations (length etc). Well now she totally hates the dress as well. I don't want to make anyone wear anything that is going to make them feel horrible. I just have a more DIY personality where I am like lets see if there are any way we can adjust this and exhaust our options before we go on to the next plan. I have just been having hard time trying to find that color incorporated in a dress and would appreciate some willingness just to see if the dress could be adjusted in any way before we move on to finding something else which I am already trying to figure out on my end.


I have tried to communicate clearly that I would just appreciate exhausting this option with potential alterations while I get my creative juices flowing on a different color that can be used with more variety in styles and feel like there is no flexibility- am still waiting for my own mom to even get her dress in the mail so she could hate it too and then obviously we are going a different direction. Please do not tell me to just get over it and that I am being controlling. I have already done a lot of thinking about it and there has been a lot of work and stress around this. Would just love some helpful thoughts.


Anyway, would love your help on how to handle this!

26 Comments

  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    I've never been to a wedding before where the mom's dresses matched the color scheme of the bridal party's dresses.

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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Alterations or not- most important question is how do they look in this color? Rarely do people look good in burnt orange. Another question- why are you trying to get them to wear this color? Is there any other way you can incorporate this color in your decorations? I’ve never heard of a bride dictating what color the moms wear.
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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Mothers and guests pick their own attire. Trust them to make this decision on their own.

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  • Marcia
    Expert March 2021
    Marcia ·
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    If they're typically normal dresses, why do you think they would wear hideous dresses?


    It isn't normal to try to control the MOG/MOB dresses. It seems like you are trying to control every detail of your wedding. It would be good for you to learn now that you can't control everything about your wedding day and that it won't be perfect. Make the big decisions and let the rest go, it will make for a more enjoyable day for you and guests.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    So I was in a very similar situation to you. I hate when moms pick dresses that clash with the color scheme - it looks so un-cohesive in photos - so I wanted my mom and MIL to coordinate with each other. I had a color in mind I wanted them to wear - cornflower blue. Neither of them was enthusiastic about the color, and I went shopping with each of them at different times in person and realized there were some body image issues going on and they were both going to be very picky about what they wanted. So cornflower probably wasn't happening. Both of them ended up coming to me with several options and I asked that they pick something in the blue family, which the rest of our wedding party is, and they both found something they like. My suggestion would be to focus more on a color family than a specific shade or dress. Good luck!
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  • Emily
    Savvy August 2021
    Emily ·
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    I have always thought the MOB and MOG wore similar colors to the wedding scheme. I have been to many weddings were this was true but I am old I guess. I also remember when a cousin was getting married his mom (my aunt) was going to wear this hideous floral monstrosity and my other cousin (the sister) took her shopping the night before to find something more in line with the weddings tone. I also know how hard it is to convey everything that is happening in your story here. However, there is so much stress involved in wedding planning especially during the pandemic and for your sake only I think you would actually feel better if you kindly asked the moms to find a dress that fits the tone of your special day. I feel like maybe you are trying to get them to "fit" into dresses that aren't really for them maybe due to cost etc. but I could be misunderstanding. I hope it gets worked out for you!

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