Help me: Attention Seeking Groom’s sister.

Some people are really self centered. I deal with one in my family, and she made me feel that my vow renewal isn’t important and even told me to cancel the whole thing because it’s wasting money. I don’t know your story but probably would do the same -> when you talk about the wedding and she is being self centered, ignore. Don’t give her more attention than needed.

What does she say and do? How does she act exactly?
I agree with Belle: the best way to deal with your groom's sis is to ignore her but you can talk to her politely (but firmly) it's your and her brother's day, not hers or whatever you wanna tell her. The fact she's going to be a in-law doesnt' allow her yo do/say whatever she wants.
You can also chat with your man, explain how you feel about his sis and ask him to sit her down to put her in her place. She's supposed to help make your day smoother, to help calm you down and encourage you and her bro,she's not supposed add more stress and headaches.

You start by not asking bridesmaids formally until 9 months, and not choosing their dresses until after 6 months, since they take 2-10 weeks, occasionally 12, to come in. And hair and accessories decisions should be made after dealing with dresses. with the push of the wedding industry and Reality TV, who know that the earlier brides and bridesmaids start planning, the more they will spend, brides have started asking bridesmaids far earlier that is traditional. Fact is, it puts an incredible strain on many friendships and families to hold such relationships without things going wrong, for 1-2 years. ---------------++++++
Since you have well over a year to go, 15 months? Start by redoing your timeline. Bridesmaids do not automatically plan parties. Only those who volunteer plan showers and bach. And they can be planned by friends not in the wedding party, or bride or groom's family. People usually volunteer no later than 6-8 months, but no planning need be done by then. Let them all know you have decided to divide planning up, outside the wedding party things, first. And wedding party things at 7 months or less. Get your venue and vendor things, guest list and invitations, and plans for decorations and supplies done first. This limits the time you have to deal with bridesmaid issues and family ones. Let FSIL know that 8 months from now, you will start on everything and anything that concerns her. And smile.

She should not have been chosen as bridesmaid unless she and you are super close, bestest friends. Some people are just attention seekers and boundaries need to be set up and maintained so they are held accountable for their actions. Ignore Ignoring the behavior tends to mean cutting off the toxicity.

Unfortunately, you will start to notice more that everyone else thinks your wedding day is about them. It’s their big day, not yours even though you’re the bride. You’ll probably end up getting to a breaking point like myself and just start putting your foot down. And if they don’t like it, they don’t need to show up.

I’d ignore her. She wants to her a reaction out of you, just don’t give in to it.

View Quoted Comment I understand. I truly hesitated making her one, and i know it’s ultimately my choice. However, if i made the choice not to, she really would have thrown a fit, never stopped talking about it, tell everyone she knows, and i’ll never hear the end of it from everyone. It was for the best & to make everyone happy instead of making it awkward or have tension.

View Quoted Comment She desperately wants to feel included- which I understand and she’s younger. But for example, I’d like only the moh & bm give speeches but some close to me said she expressed she is very angry with me and thinks i’m rude/inconsiderate for not letting her give one. Says she deserves it, and has every right to give a 4 min speech. And then proceeded to talk bad about my fiancé and me. Also, she openly in front of me judges my choices for what I want on my day and compares them to her with me. “Oh I don’t want that for when I get married because what I’m going to do is _______” And it’s now about her. I don’t think she wants to give a speech for the right reasons which irks me the most. I’ve talked to my fiancé and he’s 100% on my back.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I plan on doing this, but she really does try as hard as she can go be included in the planning. But going forth this is all I can do before I have to sit down and set a line!

View Quoted Comment Wow Thanks for the warning. I’m sorry you had to go through that- i truly hope it doesn’t come to that point.

View Quoted Comment I would stop sharing about the planning with her. Only share information about her bm dress and that’s it.

You mentioned that she is younger, so this might be her first time being a part of such an important event. This might just be her way of expressing her excitement. I would ignore the comments or just respond that everyone has their own style and leave it at that!

Why did you agree to have her as a bridesmaid?! Has she always been this way or did it recently start out of nowhere?!

View Quoted Comment


" Says she deserves it, and has every right to give a 4 min speech" I would tell her "show me the law that say I have to let a future sibling-in-law give a speech, or even to include them at all if they request it".The only requirements are a recongnized officiant,purchasing a marriage licence and maybe 1-2 witnesses (for instance witnesses are not required in Ohio) . Everything else is optional: you don't have to plan a reception, to wear a white dress, to walk down the aisle with someone, to have a processional at all ... You don't even have to include your own siblings if you don't want.I mean: many people who are close to one of the are not included, but your future SIL is and still complaining ? When she compares your decisions with what she will do herself, just ignore her (sounds like she's about 15)However:" then proceeded to talk bad about my fiancé and me": you and your man shouldn't allow this. Never ever.
Respect is a two-way street. You can disagree with people and their decisions but still respect them.Your man is 100% on your back but it sounds like you guys have some weak boundaries with her, you'll have to reinforce it or maybe establish one?

If shes a problem, cut her out.

Dont let anyone make you feel bad about already having your bridesmaids picked out. People will show their true colors whether its a year out or 2 months out. Bad is bad either way but remember its your wedding so you can do what you want and if people dont like it, they do not have to come. Set some boundaries now

View Quoted Comment She has always been this way. Her parents have enabled her to get whatever she wants and if I hadn’t, she would’ve made planning/turn family members against me/never hear the end of it for the rest of my life. It was for the best for my sanity. sadly.. lol

It seems like you don't really like her. Why did you invite her to be in your wedding?

View Quoted Comment Yes, she is in her teens. I thought of this and I’m trying to be pacing and she claims she’s VERY close to him (I beg to differ just due to what I’ve observed/talks about him/actions) but it’s frustrating when a lot piles on one another such has judging my choices, bring up her future wedding, talking about me behind my back, etc.

View Quoted Comment I do like her. She has very good qualities but she’s showing some colors i’ve seen before but more lowkey. Now it’s more amplified- but to really answer your question. I felt obligated. Everyone expected me from the start to have her as one, and if I didn’t- it would be awful. I would never hear the end of it and I’d be painted as the bad guy. It was just to keep peace.

View Quoted Comment I def am now due to all this great advice. I’m setting boundaries- as I mentioned in other comments, I did feel obligated to make her one just due to keep peace and make my day smoother. Just need to set boundaries now .