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Just Said Yes August 2021

Help! i don’t want my mil in my bridal suite

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Kyla, on June 21, 2020 at 1:05 AM

I am getting ready for my wedding with mom, 4 year old daughter (flower girl), and my bridesmaids (1 sister in law and 4 future sister in laws). As a thank you gift I am having everyone’s hair and makeup done.

My FMIL and I are not close, and asked my fiancé about being in the suite with us and having her hair and makeup done as well. Unfortunately I don’t really enjoy her company and I don’t want her there when I get ready. She doesn’t have a great relationship with her daughters either and her being there would totally change the vibe.
I feel so rude not including her, but asking for things she hadn’t been offered is kind of a pattern and I just don’t want her intruding on this time. I can tell my fiancé is upset / feels bad for her, but seems to understand where I’m coming from.
Do I have to invite her? I thought about having her come at the end for hair and makeup but knowing her she’d show up 2 hours early. I told my fiancé that the bridal websites say MOTG’s usually spend the morning of the wedding with their sons. He said okay, but honestly I feel bad putting him in the position too because I think he’d rather spend that time with his groomsmen.

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24 Comments

Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on June 22, 2020 at 8:46 PM
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This is hard, as I get wanting only positive energy around you, but man....not having her there while her daughters are there will lead to bad feelings. I see you have a compromise, but maybe she could drop in towards the end? I don't envy you! Good luck!
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Dedicated October 2021
Cassandra · on June 22, 2020 at 10:45 PM
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While she might feel left out as her daughters are being invited, the fact that none of them get along with her or on some cases don't speak to her changes things a lot. Just because she is their mother I would say she doesn't get to force herself into a gathering where 95% of the people will be uncomfortable or tense if they are in a small room with her.
I like your plan of having her come 45 minutes before the ceremony and offering to recommend a good hair and makeup artist for her. I would for sure tell your venue coordinator the plan a long with anyone else helping manage set up and timeline so they can grab her if she shows up early. I would also tell the front desk (I'm assuming you are getting ready at a hotel) that they have to get approval from you first before telling people what room you are in. It might not be needed but making sure everyone is on the same page will help keep everything on track and give you piece of mind the day of.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on June 24, 2020 at 5:05 AM
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Hey Kyla,
It's your important day and I totally understand not wanting tension and negative energy around you. I like what you came up with. Only thing I would change is I would've set her appointment and maybe have her son pay for her HMU this way you guaranteed her timing. (small price to pay for piece of mind)
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Kyla · on June 24, 2020 at 9:14 AM
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Great suggestion! We actually ended up deciding to book the appointment and pay so we can control the timIng and she feels somewhat included. (He doesn’t want her in his suite either lol).
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