Help!!! i don’t want kids at my wedding

I’d say you’d have to do one or the other. Either allow kids or don’t. Because like you said if others see kids there and you said no kids it’s likely they’d be upset. Is there a lot of kids under the age of 21? We did immediate nieces and nephews in which turned out to be 12 kids. If you’re going towards no kids you can add something to the invitation that says ‘adult celebration’ or something along those lines.

You can certainly designate your wedding 21+ but you will need to stand firm on that rule and make zero exceptions. If you allow some people under 21 and not others, there are going to be upset guests.

View Quoted Comment I agree with going about it this way

Is this a make or break for your fiancé? Some view weddings as a more family event and others see it as a 21+ event. Whatever decision y'all come to, you both have to be on the same page with no exceptions. I

Yeah this is a matter of getting on the same page with your partner and maybe reaching a compromise. Inviting all of my cousins was a non negotiable for me. I do believe that kids can come in circles — you don’t have to invite every kid connected to everyone of your guests, but it is fair to invite with a hardline . Like, only firsts cousins are included. No invite for friends kids or coworkers kids or more distant relatives.

View Quoted Comment It’s his first cousins and there’s probably only 5 kids, and most of them are teenagers, they might not even want to come.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I just need my fiancé to get on the same boat as me for that. He’s just afraid to upset his family.

It's easiest as all or nothing which includes ring bearer and flower girl. To reach an agreement with your partner, consider wedding vibe, budget to feed additional guests, and age-related safety concerns. Unless his family is paying for the wedding, they will have to agree with however you two decide to have your wedding. If they cannot find sitters, they can stay home as all other guests. Don't let anyone bully you.

View Quoted Comment Gotcha. 5 kids isn’t too bad especially if they’re teenagers. I think that would be okay. Are you all having kids in the wedding?

If they are teenagers what is your reasoning for not wanting children there? Most people don't want children at their wedding because they are worried about babies crying or young kids running around. I don't see teenagers running around and causing a scene so I'm just trying to understand your logical because I feel your fiance and you should be making the guest list together and if he wants family members of his their then that's not really fair to say no.

I put no children on my invites too. I want no kids at my wedding neither.

It's actually best etiquette not to put on the invitation who isn't invited. Just address it to the adults only in the envelope and then put on the RSVP card that 2 seats are reserved in their honour. If they write in extra people you'll need to call and clarity.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this.


Also, kids vs no kids is a topic to discuss, not tell him why “x is better” and expect him to agree. Also, there is no polite or tactful way to say “these kids are invited while those are not”. Some couples feel that babies and flowergirls/ring bearers are automatically exempt and will never offend those who had to find childcare or who ended up declining because they couldn’t arrange it. Be consistent because people do talk and get upset even if the couple has no clue that anyone is offended, because they know it’s impolite to say anything to the couple.

I initially had the wording saying no guests under 21 but was of course going to include my siblings and our son. My friend got married last month and I liked her wording better “limit the amount of underaged guests”. So that’s what I went with and just incorporated it to immediately family only. So it pretty much said,


“We have limited the number of underaged guests to immediate family only. Additional children under the age of 21 are not permitted at this time.
Guests 21 and older are invited to celebrate with the bride and groom.”

I am also wondering why its 21+ when "adults only" typically applied to 18+. Our invitations say "adult only reception to follow," but I've reached out to a couple people to say their 14+ kids are included as adults. Like another commenter said- its based on the fact that they can control themselves and their behavior by that age. There will only be 3 young kids there and that hardline was wedding party kids.

If he wants his teen cousins to attend I think they should be invited. I would have been insulted as a teen if my older cousin didn't invite me to a wedding. I d leave this choice up to your fiance though. Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment We are doing beer and wine, so we don’t need to hire a bartender. I don’t want the teenagers sneaking drinks. And us getting blamed

Also trying to stick to a budget. And he keeps adding more and more people. Lol. Ahhhh! I thinking eloping is the best idea at this point. Super stressed about the guest list. It’s driving me insane.

View Quoted Comment

Your venue isn't requiring you to have a bartender? That surprises me. Venues typically require a licensed professional to serve alcohol to avoid someone becoming overly intoxicated and therefore a liability to the venue. But even if they weren't for logistical purposes I would think having a bartender would be a good idea. Otherwise, how do you plan on controlling how much someone drinks?

View Quoted Comment Trying to stick to what we can afford. We are paying for the venue ourselves and we aren’t serving liquor. Just beer and wine. And we are only buying a certain amount. Once it runs out that’s it. It’s what we can do on our budget.