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Just Said Yes June 2021

help - how do i Say...

Micaela, on May 25, 2020 at 9:12 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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I have an issue -

My very best friend from elementary school until now has just contacted me asking me for advice on a song that she is writing for my wedding....and I didn't know she was writing one. I think it's sweet, though she does not have the best voice and I am not sure how I would incorporate it in. My fiance likes her but he does NOT want her to perform this at our wedding/reception because it's something we won't hear until our wedding day so how will we know whether or not it's appropriate/we like it?

How do I compromise? I was thinking something along the lines of having her perform this song at the bridal shower or the groom's dinner but I don't want to hurt my friends feelings nor make my future husband uncomfortable....



  • Ashley
    Expert October 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    Super cute idea, but I get where you’re coming from. Good sidestep ideas. What about rehearsal dinner or some pre wedding gathering with your friends?
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I would just tell her you have other friends who might like to perform (even if you don’t) and that it wouldn’t be fair for you to let her perform and tell everyone else they can’t, and of course there isn’t time to let EVERYONE who wants to perform.
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    VIP January 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I’d tell her you’d prefer it as a recording and that would be a lovely wedding gift from her and that you and your fiancé
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Maybe you can play a snippet of it? Like a small snippet of it
    • Reply
  • Micaela
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Micaela ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Unfortunately this is not doable as she wants to wait until the special day to reveal the song to us Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
    • Flag

    Let her know that you’ve planned songs that are special to both of you. I think I would tell her you’d love for her to do it at rehearsal dinner so that it’s more intimate and special. Maybe ask her to write a poem for the ceremony.

    • Reply
  • Alma
    Devoted October 2020
    Alma ·
    • Flag
    I think having her perform at the rehearsal dinner would be appropriate Smiley smile it’s something more personal. It would be tough to not let her sing it at all as that’s a sweet gesture of her. It’ll be over before you know it ! Lol I get where you are coming from tho :/
    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted December 2020
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Gen with the idea that you have her perform it at another time.
    I would very delicately tell her that you’re flattered by her generosity but would love to hear it at another event and that you think it would be more appropriate.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Rockstar June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone here - I'd ask her to move it to a more intimate setting, like the rehearsal dinner, bridal luncheon, or another smaller event you're doing.

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