Help! - How do i respond to a food “restriction” that we got back

I don't think you need to respond. He has no allergies or restrictions. All good.


Just ignore it and continue with your meal plan.

Wow. You know them best, but even if they're messing with you it's in poor taste. If they aren't kidding, then I have no words. How old is this cousin? I would not address it or reply. When the time comes, give him the same options as everyone else.

I would check with your aunt. If this is a teenage or younger cousin on the autism spectrum, the foods he eats may actually be limited. Some degrees of limited diets may just mean the person has to just find the closest edible stuff or sneak in a bacon cheeseburger.

You could mention what food will be available and let the aunt figure things out from there.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! I was just so surprised. But good point, no real allergies.

Don’t respond to anyone. Don’t call your aunt at all to discuss anything. It’s not an allergy or a religious restriction so the only course of action you take is ignore it. If they refuse to eat what you are serving, they can decline the invitation or go out to eat on the way home if you allow them to attend. Be prepared for security to escort them out if they throw a fit for you not catering to their choice.

Sounds like this might be someone with sensory issues. I would reach out and (if this isn't a joke), come up with a plan for providing a meal for them. I mean it's probably not hard to make a grilled cheese sandwich. That's just me though.

You're not obligated to have something different to feed them, but giving a heads up would ensure they could bring food with them.

Is your cousin a child? The items mentioned sound like they would be for a child rather than an adult. If it's for a child, I would ask your venue if you don't already know if they have a kid's meal option. Maybe they could serve him something he'd like. If he's an adult then he needs to grow up and deal with foods he might not be used to eating.

Thanks all! That makes me feel better. I might talk to my aunt but the food is being catered in and it’s not possible to make extra food. He’s also a grown adult, he’ll be 21 in a couple days. I think he’s either going to have to bring his own food or eat before he comes. There’s some fast food where he can get a burger.

I agree this sounds like a spectrum/sensory issue, but if he's this restricted, he's used to bringing his own food or eating before events. My son has a metabolic disorder that drastically restricts what he can eat, but I would never ask a host to accommodate it. I bring his food.

I'd just reach out to your aunt and let her know that you can't ask for special food from the caterer but that he is welcome to bring something that works.

He's 21 years old. Sensory issues or no, you aren't required to cater to his issues or ask the caterer to be a short order cook. He's no longer a child. Eventually he's going to have to learn to adapt to events where everything is not on his terms. He can eat what he likes before, after or try some or all of what you're serving.

If they do it anyway nothing you can do, but I would not proactively offer them the option of bringing his own food. He's got to learn social skills at some point. If he's in a situation where he can't get exactly what he likes, he may even branch out and try something new.

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I understand what you are saying, but for certain people it's not about "learning social skills" and "branching out". If he has sensory issues and/or is on the spectrum, this may not be something he can simply get over by sucking it up. I agree that he does not need to be accommodated in terms of the menu, but a little compassion (even for adults) never hurts.

Also, HE is not the one asking for the accommodation in this case, his mother is. He may be just fine eating before hand.

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Or? The wedding couple could focus on being inclusive and responsive to people's needs when they can. Given the original post that says these needs have been present for a long time, I doubt that this something that will change easily.

View Quoted Comment All of this

If you want to respond, I’d just do so by sharing your menu options: “these are the foods we will
Be serving so he can plan ahead” and that way he knows to eat ahead of time or bring own food etc

I would check with your aunt to see if he is in the spectrum (autism) bc that would explain what he likes to eats. If he is in the spectrum, he may not eat what you have. Also if he on the spectrum he may or may not be able to to talk or express himself well and it might the reason why she is asking. Depending on the level (autism) depends on his social skills to try new things and it will be okay and they are able to adapt to new situations (sometimes not). I would send a copy of your menu to her to see if anything on there he would eat or she could bring his food especially if you don’t want to change your menu for him.

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I understand and am compassionate about what you and others are suggesting in the event that the cousin really is more than just a picky eater. If the caterer could easily accommodate I would have no issue with that, but I'm just not sure it's in the cousin's best interests to be given the message that he or his mother is entitled to make such oddly specific requests. Bacon cheeseburgers? Jalapeño poppers with diced peppers? Pepperoni pizza without cheese? Just say grilled cheese. Likewise bringing his own food may be an easy accommodation, but there are going to be other times it may not be so easy, that it might be perceived as rude, or brings unwanted attention.

A lot also depends on the extent of the disability, if any. Again, all OP has been told is that he's a picky eater.

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I agree with sharing the menu with them. Maybe they just would have their own supply of Jalapeños with them. The nephew likely will recognize the inability to be accommodated. Those folks would have some encounters with others and know that food situations will arise.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. I hope everything works out for you. Have a wonderful wedding