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Just Said Yes December 2014

Help! Future Step-Child Issue ?!?

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Christa, on January 31, 2014 at 10:41 AM

My FH has a seven year old daughter. The EX hates me and is filling the child's head with all kinds of stuff, so when we are around his daughter she is constantly acting inappropriate to me. I am attempting to build a relationship with her so I usually just smile through her behavior and try to be...

My question is, am I awful if I want to not include her in our wedding ? I'm worried that her behavior will cause stress and tension on the one day I do not want to be stressed or tense. Not to mention, there is a really big chance that her mother may refuse to even let her attend. Yes she is that kind of mom.

I'm worried that my FH's family will see my not including her as a slight. Is that what it is ? Ugh...I'm already stressing about it!

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23 Comments

VIP October 2014
michele · on February 1, 2014 at 11:19 AM
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I hate my daughter's soon to be step mom, but I have very logical reasons for it. Even with that, I tell my daughter she HAS to listen to her, I may not like it, but if she's going to be helping take care of my kid I have to be an adult about it.
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Devoted October 2014
Krystal · on February 3, 2014 at 10:45 AM
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I know exactly how you feel! My future step daughter is also 7 years old. Her mother and I do not get along AT all! When she was a lot smaller her mother would do the same thing and fill her head with all sorts of negative things about me. But over the years I have done my best to be patient and show her lots of love and I feel it has helped bring us so much closer. She will be a flower girl in our wedding and she is so excited! I couldn't imagine not having her in our wedding. Try talking to her about it, and take her shopping around looking for dresses it will make her feel included and excited about being part of the wedding. 7 is a funny age...they're old enough to understand a lot more but yet young enough to be easily influenced. She is old enough to develop her own feelings and opinions about you regardless of what her mother tells her. Trust me, I know. Your actions can mean more than her mother's words. Just show her you care. Good luck!
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VIP April 2014
Mrs Lisa M. · on February 3, 2014 at 11:45 AM
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FH and I have 2 kids basically the same age. My DD is 11 and his DS is 11, they are 6 weeks apart in age. However they couldn't be anymore different. I do my best to relate to my soon to be step son. We have had times that he totally disrespected me and FH didn't handle it like I feel he should have. Along those same lines there's time my children don't act the way they should and I don't handle it the way I should.

Raising children is NOT easy! It doesn't mater if its your child or his. It is even more difficult when you combine a family. You need to realize this child is going to be in your life for ever. The impact you make on her now is going to stick. She isn't going to forget those things. That being said you need to communicate with FH and have him lay down some guidelines how how things need to be in your home. It doesn't matter what her mother says or does. What matters is what happens in YOUR home!

That being said yes, I think she needs to be included. Shes a child!
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