Help! Can i ask the guests to wear certain colors?

View Quoted Comment I'm asking either black or white, not like teal and mint. You can't tell me that not every woman has something like that in their closet. Especially since my family is from DC and Philly. We've got the black dress on lock down. But again, I asked.

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I'm from DC and I'd seriously side if someone was having a black tie wedding and then requested a certain color. I feel like a black tie wedding is all about treating your guests above and beyond. And requesting a certain color is basically telling them they're just there for pics. Just seems backwards.

Alright ladies, thanks for your opinions! I'd just like to say that I was merely hoping for a fun theme, certainly a request, far from a requirement! I would never be upset with someone for not participating. I thought black and white wouldn't be an inconvenience.


Anyway, It seems a split issue, so I'll just read some Martha Stewart and talk to my wedding planner.

Thank you again!
Xo

Black tie is very formal. Bad amateur verse is as informal as it gets (like, fifth grade level).

If your wedding is truly black tie, right down to the white gloved service and pre-paid parking and live orchestra, don't ask anything further of your guests in terms of what to wear.

No, this is super tacky. The only time you can dictate dress code is if your venue requires something specific (shoulders covered for ladies, suit jacket for men) or you are have an ACTUAL black tie (level of formality, not dress request).

Those articles are ridiculous and you will seem very demanding and bridezilla-y if you ask.

I think if you put black tie, then guests can go from there. As for white, unless guests know that you for sure aren't wearing white on your day, they probably won't be wearing white to a wedding. What color do you plan on wearing?

I feel like this is a “know your crowd” thing. It definitely wouldn’t fly for 75% of my midwestern barn wedding guests! Heck, my FFIL is still joking about wearing a tuxedo t-shirt and shorts. 😂 In my social circle, a lot of us wouldn’t necessarily have black tie attire in our closet, let alone in specific colors. It sounds like your crowd is VERY different than mine, though! Maybe pass the idea by a few friends and family members to see what they think?

I think the “white” part of the guest could confuse some of your more etiquette-minded guests because so many of them don’t wear white so as not to upstage the bride. I think a lot of guests are more used to brides freaking out if they wear white!

One idea might be to make pashminas in those colors available for any women that might want them. There isn’t much black, white and gold don’t go with, so it could be a nice way to incorporate the colors for guests who show up in other colors.

Btw, your venue and theme sound so cool! Can’t wait for the BAM.

No matter how you say it, it is rude. Your guests are adults. And guests and family dress as they please. Only bridal party need listen to your choices when it comes to style or color of their clothing .

View Quoted Comment I own white blouses and white jeans, and black jeans. But I have never worn a black or white dress ( neither wedding gown was white or ivory), so yes, there are people who do not have it in their closet. I have more than 20 formal dresses, all seasons. But I would be irritated by that on an invitation. You are not making a movie of your wedding, where the guests are really there to project an image of your choosing. Choose your decorations, your style, for the things you control. But please, do not direct guests .

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It may be common in your area, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate or okay according to etiquette. The only thing that the words 'black tie' indicate is a level of formality; you're telling your guests that your event is going to be hosted to a very high level. They should then choose to dress accordingly in terms of level of formality, but they can wear whatever color/print/style they want. It's never appropriate to tell your guests what color to wear.

Nothing anybody is describing here is a white tie affair. White tie is a whole other level of hosting, one that is found at events of state, not weddings. Valet, seated dinner, and formal dress do not make for a black tie event. Nobody else is describing a stuffy, boring event, either.

View Quoted Comment Total offense but customs in your area and what your actual guests will likely be used to should be more of a determining factor than made up ettiquite. If your guests have never seen something before and will think it's weird or rude it's not ettiquite.

View Quoted Comment " I know other people who have done it before" is not a good enough rationale for doing something that has always been considered rude before by the great majority of people ( which is what etiquette " rules" really are. I know brides who have thrown their own showers before, saying people would not care. Then moaned when all but 4 people of over 50 declined, and two of those sent etiquette books as gifts. Each one started with, well I have heard, or know, other bride's doing it. Not good enough. Long standing good manners, not just for weddings, but for all social occasions: hosts inform guests only of the formality and setting of an event. And never tell other adults what to wear. Adults choose their own color and style of clothing, except when they are participating in certain ceremonial occasions where there is a traditional manner of dress, or a religious ceremony.
Thus, graduation gowns for graduates, or perhaps a specific color and style for a bridesmaid or groomsman, whose role is to act as the B or G court or attendant, a participant chosen for a role. But family , like one's parents, and guests, are not dictated to by hosts, except for health and safety issues. Ever. And most especially not for such reasons as " I think it would look cool". OR " I want great looking pictures.". Which imply that you the bride consider your guests and family as props for your show, not guests. . .As for telling people wedding colors so they will coordinate not clash : wedding colors may be chosen by a bride to guide her in choosing her bridal party clothing, and the decorations. But guests are not supposed to dress to match the decor or bridal party, nor are they to avoid such colors. . . When you visit people's homes, you do not call ahead to find out the decorating scheme of each room you will be in, or find out the color of the table linens and flowers, so you can consider it in choice of dress. Host's control the environment. Guests do not need to match, coordinate, or avoid any colors or styles. They do not need to dress in vintage or romantic or goth or any other style, in any kind of colors. . It does not matter how many times you have heard of others doing this rude thing. It will still be considered rude by a majority of guests at most gatherings, and most people not involved who hear all the nasty things people say about a bride who does this, behind her back. Unless a person attending an affair is being paid $300 an hour or so to be a model or actor, hired to project a particular image , as a job, a host has no business telling guests what to wear. Only telling them the setting and formality, and hoping the guests will have the good manners to wear clothes generally appropriate for the event. With no critism if they don't. They simply may not be invited on the next social occasion if they are deliberately way off the mark for no good reason, like combat fatigues at a formal event.

I think its totally fine to request certain attire or colors! I honestly would love to get invited to a wedding and be requested to wear a certain color, I wouldn't think its rude at all...i would think the bride and groom have a certain vision and obviously they are going for a theme! I would go ahead, its your wedding after all! I cant believe the harsh comments people are commenting. Its a wedding- its one day- etiquette is out dated....so go ahead and request the colors and attire you want- I think all of your guests will somehow survive lol. Good Luck!

"I know what black tie means. I don't need it redefined over and over. It's not a white tie tuxedo affair. Yes, there is valet, yes, it's a seated dinner, and, yes, the dress will be formal."

Do you, indeed? Then you should know that there is no such thing as a "white tie tuxedo affair." Black tie with tuxedo; white tie with tails (and, as pointed out, this is the level for the most formal dinners--medals, orders, possibly tiaras--the level for high government offcials and/or royalty. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_tie)

No you can't. As a two time bride, you will not care what anyone wears, just that they are there. Your guests will feel as though you want them to be a prop. I am not saying that is your intent, but that is the vibe you would be sending out.

I would feel the same way if someone had a Halloween wedding and said I needed to come in a costume. I would show up as Lady Friggin' Godiva!!! (I would decline, actually.)

I agree with the poster upthread who said the argument of "well other couples have done it" does not make it okay.

Julie, I read you feel this thread has become catty. It really hasn't - but that is a common reaction when a bride suggests an idea that is not gonna fly and people say: "That is not going to fly." A bride feels defensive, I understand. When reading the written word, words are obviously two dimension and read flat. So do what you want but expect 1) declines because now I have to go buy an outfit when I had a great one to wear and 2) people grumbling about being treated a prop.

Unless there is a religious reason, a la covering your shoulders in a temple, let them wear what they want.

I think that'd look really cool! I'm not a super outgoing person, but if it were within my personality, I'd totally want to wear a huge bold red dress and have everyone else in black and white. I thought about it but ultimately decided not to. If I got a wedding invite that said to wear one of three colors I'd just be thinking I was about to attend a really cool wedding!

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I think this is the best comment on here. Ask around, be genuine when you do, if you get some "oh, honey, no"s from older family, then you know. If they all think it sounds awesome, then you're good. I understand why people freak about cash bars, can-i-just-ask-for-cash, etc on here but if your crowd is down for it I think everyone in black and white is a cool party.