HELP! Big reception following a small ceremony... how do I say why?

The invitation indicates what you, as a guest, are invited to. It would not say "your presence is requested at the marriage of John and Jane" or anything like that. It would indicate that you are invited to a celebration or a reception. Then you wouldn't be surprised.

When I'm invited to someone's wedding, I'm most excited to see the ceremony. I'm also excited about the celebration afterwards, but really, I'm there to see the couple get married. I understand when people elope or have a destination wedding and choose to have a celebration at a later date. If the private, family only ceremony was taking place on a different day, I'd understand. But when the private ceremony with family only is the same day, that screams tiered wedding to me.

I understand being shy and wanting the private ceremony. Most shy people I know also wouldn't like large parties, though, so I'm having trouble understanding your reasoning for not also wanting a small guest count at your reception.

I'd say don't put anything in writing on the reception tables. it just seems needlessly awkward.

@Samantha thats exactly what I was thinking. I would personally feel like a 2nd tier guest in this case, considering it was immediately afterward. I don't think its that out there to assume other guests might feel the same.

I appreciate all of the comments/concerns.

We will be doing the timeline as planned, as I only asked for suggestions on if I should/should not add a write-up to each of the tables.

Each and every Bride has her own vision for her wedding, and this is mine.

Thank you for your input.

I would say leave the write up off the tables.

If your guests know you, they will know you are shy and there isn't any need to explain it. Also I would think its strange, like we did this and you weren't invited but its ok because you are invited to this and its the "fun" part anyway.

Also don't forget to change your avatar! You might get more suggestions!

@Emily, the reception may not be against etiquette but the 3 hour gap sure is.

I must be in the 0.1% but I love seeing the ceremony. That's actually my favorite part of the day.

@MAssy The gap doesnt really matter if its just her parents and siblings at the ceremony. They will be fine with it, I am sure.

@Kristy, if you have any one else besides the bride & groom, a gap is rude. Some people are fine cash bars, it doesn't make it any less rude.

I've seen a couple weddings where the ceremony was private and then followed by the big celebration afterward. Some people were confused but not mad about it. Couples need to do this for several different reasons. I'm doing it because I had a dw. Just don't word it at the tables but rather on the invite say you'll be having a private ceremony and guests are invited to join you in a celebration.

Yes, a reception is typically the way in which your guests are thanked for their attendance at your wedding. However, a reception is more than that -- it is a hosted party meant to celebrate the fact that two people have legally joined their lives together and taken vows to that end. It does not mean that your guests "are not good enough" to attend your ceremony if you choose to have an intimate ceremony followed by a large party. On the flip side, choosing to have a guest heavy ceremony followed by a tiny, private reception can easily cause guests to feel "not good enough" (but that's another post).

There's nothing wrong with what you're planning -- nothing at all. A majority of guests will have no problem with the fact that a couple married in a private, family-only ceremony and then hosted a large, all inclusive party to celebrate that occasion. There are many reasons for couples to choose this route. There are people who simply cannot handle the thought of being in such a spotlight, exchanging such personal words, and doing it all in the presence of far too many people. Social anxiety is a very real thing. There are other reasons -- all personal. Any couple choosing to go this route are under no obligation to explain themselves to their guests (not by leaving something on the guests' tables and not by virtue of mentioning their reasoning in a printed invitation). Your invitation could be as simple as this:

Jane Doe and John Smith,

in the presence of their families,

will exchange marriage vows in a private ceremony

on Saturday, May 14, 2016

You are cordially invited to join the newlyweds

for cocktails, dinner, and dancing at a reception

celebrating their marriage on

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Venue

Time

I think on your invite it should sway guests in the direction of "celebrating your marriage". I would keep the details of the small ceremony to yourself really because I am a person who thinks it is really none of my business. Again that's just me and since I'm not your guest others may not share my opinion.

Exactly what Centerpiece said.

This is awesome !
It is YOUR day, so you get to choose how it will be structured ! We are doing the same thing. Can you give me some advice on how you worded the invites? I have composed a larger invitation inviting the extended group to the reception and a separate one I will insert for ceremony invitation. Cheers! Your idea is beautiful!

I was invited to a wedding like this. A good friend. We flew to NYC and stayed there. I would not have skipped it because I cared about him, but I made it very clear when his wife called to offer me suggestions that I would not be doing the same. I go to a wedding to see the ceremony - the WEDDING part. My feelings were very hurt by this. Would never say anything to them about it because what is done is done, and there is no sense in making them feel badly about "THEIR day" but just because it is your day doesn't mean you can do things that are hurtful to other people.

I get it, you're already doing it but just know that I'm not the only person who has posted an experience like this - and for other people reading this and planning - it being YOUR day does not give you license to be hurtful to others.

As for the question you're actually asking ... No. Don't put anything on the table. Doing so is something that will make you feel better and you would be doing it to make yourself feel better. It does not actually make anyone else feel better, just voices the awkward feelings they will already be experiencing.

EDIT: You may think you're being clear on your invites but you are likely not being. No one understood what they were doing until we got there.