HELP! Big reception following a small ceremony... how do I say why?

You don't. There is no need to do this. If anyone asks, you had a privtae ceremony. Lots of couples do this.

Why are you not keeping the reception small and intimate then? I don't really get it. You either want to celebrate with these people or you don't. Why the large reception if you wouldnt invite them to your ACTUAL wedding. To me, it seems like you are trying to get more gifts, and thats what I would think as a guest. I would be offended if you considered me important enough for the party and to buy you a gift, but not important enough to witness the ceremony.

ETA: are they on the same day? Thats what made me feel weird about it. Will you have your family at the ceremony and then invite the rest to join you immediately afterward?

If you want a small, quiet, intimate wedding.... have one.

I'm with Celia, if anything, doing that might hurt more feelings than just letting it be.

I agreewith Celia, don't explain in writing. Invite them to the reception, and then explain to anyone who asks directly. This isn't that uncommon.

No, don't go out of your way to explain to people why they weren't invited to something.

It would make me feel like all you wanted was a gift from me. The last wedding I went to like this, the couple's "intimate" ceremony was on the grounds right next to the reception. We showed up on time and the ceremony was running late so we stood awkwardly in the trees next to the reception area waiting for the ceremony to be over, along with some other couples. I hope I'm in a few pictures making an extremely puzzled expression while I peek out from behind the oaks.

The ceremony and the reception are on the same day.

We are quiet and shy, so we seriously are only having our parents and sisters at the ceremony. The reception will be later that day. All of our guests will get to enjoy the band, the catering, the cake, and the wedding favors.

I don't see any difference in when people get eloped and then have a reception. And I don't see any difference in this when people have destination weddings and then have a reception when they get back.

It's not about gifts at all, we have made it known that we did not register anywhere.

The fact that it was the very same day would make me feel weird. Some people have their ceremony days, weeks, or months early for a variety of reasons. @AMW gave some valuable feedback. If people show up early for the reception and then realise they weren't invited to the ceremony that would be VERY awkward. I don't think guests will automcatilly think "well, she's shy". They would be wondering why they weren't included. If I were invited just for dinner and cake I would be asking myself why. And I stick to what I already mentioned - I would think it would be for the gift. The reception is for celebrating with the people who were present to witness your union (in this case where the ceremony was the same day). Inviting extra people just doesnt seem right.

My sister did this. She had a small intimate ceremony in northern NH and then a large reception in Southern MA for our whole family the same day. It was about 15 years ago but from what I remember she didn't write it on the invites. When people asked she just mentioned they wanted to do something small at their favorite spot but didn't want people to have to travel that far. I don't think anyone really complained since it was about a 3.5 hour drive from our hometown where the reception was.

ETA: She did set up a projector screen in the back of the huge reception room. And it scrolled through pics from the ceremony. So people got to see some of it.

A reception is to thank your guests for coming your your ceremony. They may wonder why they weren't good enough for the ceremony but good enough to go to the reception where people give gifts. You can say you don't expect them but the fact of the matter is it's the norm to give gifts. Eloping is generally not the same day as the reception which is why it's more acceptable.

It's going to be about the wording on your invite. It is a little awkward of a timeline. Could you do the private ceremony on a different day? Then you could do what people who elope do and say so and so will be married on x/x/x in a private ceremony and would love to invite you to celebrate on x/x/x so it is clear that it is separate. If you can't, I wouldn't put anything on the table the day of or whatever, but would say something on the invite/website. They will know by the time they are at their table that they aren't witnessing your vows, so it's too far gone to have anything there.

Invitations have went out. They specifically state "Join us for our Celebration" and the reception is 3 hours after the ceremony, so there won't be anyone showing up early.

99.9% of people I know would rather skip the ceremony anyways, they look forward to the food, cake, drinks, and dancing.

I would not mention anything but definitely would carefully consider how you word the invitation. I would say something like "celebrating the marriage of" but not "invited to the marriage of" or "invited to the wedding of". Those last two suggest that they will be actually witnessing you getting married.

Kristy, I'm sorry, this is not unusual nor is it against etiquette. Many people prefer to have a private ceremony with immediate family only.

And then a larger reception on the same day. This is ok as long as the ceremony is truly intimate / family only. It's not gift grabby to invite people to a party.

OP, don't try to explain this on the tables at the reception. It will come off as awkward.

You could indicate on the invitations that you will be married in a private ceremony and "please join us for a reception to celebrate our marriage".

This is awkward and it seems rude. Why don't you just include everyone?

Im not saying its wrong ( I have no idea what the etiquette is in a situation like this) , but I would absolutely wonder what was up if I was invited to a wedding set up like that. I have never experienced that or heard of anyone doing that. Im taking it some guests won't realise they missed the ceremony until they are at the reception. I'd feel very strange if that happened to me!

You are pretty much implying that it's wrong (along with others). It's not. Just because you haven't personally experienced it doesn't mean it is not acceptable. The key is keeping the ceremony to very few people.

What Im saying is, as a guest... if I sat down at the reception and then all of a sudden realised I hadn't been invited to the ceremony (especially without prior knowledge), I might feel offended and would definitely be wondering why. Thats a valid point.

I don't see anything wrong with it if it's what you both really want. But I personally, if I were having a small ceremony, I would have a small reception also. I think some people would feel uncomfortable.

The reception is to thank your guest and celebrate just getting married, A ceremony they weren't invited to.

It's your wedding and your decision, you don't have to explain why.

We're having the same size for ceremony and reception but no wedding party. Just us two.

What determines what's right or wrong? No, it's not against etiquette, but I'm with Kristy. To me, the ceremony is the most important part (and there are two weddings where I couldn't attend the whole thing due to time constraints and gaps and chose to attend the ceremony only), so if I'm invited to the reception when I haven't been to the ceremony, it would feel weird.