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CourtneyBrittain
Master August 2019

Head Table vs. Sweetheart

CourtneyBrittain, on June 4, 2019 at 12:34 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 23
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FH and I are working on our table plans for our venue. Is it rude to have a head table for just the bridal party with no plus ones? Neither of us have been to a wedding where the head table includes plus ones.


Our Bridal Party itself will have few extra people that they'd want to sit with, save for maybe two of my BM's plus ones (I don't even know that they will bring one yet) and then my FSIL and her Husband will have their two young ones with them. The young ones LOVE FH's parents though, and his parents aren't big on dancing so would it be okay to have them over with FMIL/FFIL as long as they're okay with it?

I'd mentioned a sweetheart table to FH but he really likes the idea of a head table, and it's one of the few things he has had a huge opinion on so far so I'd hate to take that from him...

23 Comments

Latest activity by Amber, on June 18, 2019 at 2:50 PM
  • Nykole
    Expert October 2019
    Nykole ·
    • Flag

    Wow. I feel like this question is coming up A LOT today! Lol. Personally, I would not split the wedding party from their date/boyfriend or girlfriend/spouse/family, etc. We are doing a hybrid, of sorts, instead. We knew we wanted the MOH (my sister) and the Best Man (his brother) to sit with us, so the "head table" will only consist of the four of us plus my sister's boyfriend and his brother's wife (she is also a bridesmaid) and their children will not be present at the wedding anyway, so that won't be an issue. The rest of the wedding party will be seated at Tables 1 & 2 with their SO's and family.


    I know I would not want to be separated from my SO or family/children at a wedding, so I will not do that to my wedding party. Also, I have been to a wedding where I was seated at the same table as one of the bridesmaid's three children (she was at the head table) and they were practically unattended. The two older ones spent all of dinner asking us personal questions and being extremely rude and unruly. So I think it's best to leave your wedding party with their families, especially if they have young children. Hope this helps!

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    Like PP said, having a sweetheart table is much better. Separating the BP from their dates can make them feel awkward!

    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    I personally am against head tables. It's awful being split up from your spouses and children. If FH really wants the bridal party sitting with y'all, then I would do a king table (that includes B&G, bridal party, and all of bridal party's SO's and children) instead.

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I don't think it's rude necessarily and your bridal party probably won't complain about it, but I definitely don't think that it's the best option. Do you have room to include dates at the head table?

    • Reply
  • Emilee
    Dedicated September 2021
    Emilee ·
    • Flag
    Agreeing with PP I don’t think it’s rude but it does suck being separated from SO when you’re in the bridal party. I would just see what you can manage!
    • Reply
  • CourtneyBrittain
    Master August 2019
    CourtneyBrittain ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I am just concerned because it’s already 14 people at the head table; if we added families and plus ones it’d be 20+
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
    • Flag
    It's not rude, but I think it's awkward. I know I personally wouldn't want to be separated from my SO, so I don't want to do that to my bridal party. We are opting for a sweetheart table because a king's table would be to cumbersome and no one would really be able to talk to each other anyway. I would just talk to your FH about why he wants the head table and see if you guys can come up with a compromise.
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Exactly this.

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  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
    • Flag

    I'm guessing this is regional. So Cal tends to be more laid back. I don't know anyone who gets offended by a head table. It's not like you're ripping a family apart forever. 🙄 It's for the dinner and a few speeches. The rest of the reception is spent with everyone dancing and celebrating together. If you want a head table, do it.

    • Reply
  • CourtneyBrittain
    Master August 2019
    CourtneyBrittain ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel but wasn’t sure if it’d be rude
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated February 2019
    AnnaG ·
    • Flag

    Having been both a BM and the date of someone who was a GM, I HATE head tables. I don't think they're rude and obviously your bridal part would get over it, but it just isn't ideal in my opinion. Yes, it is only for the first part of the reception but that includes dinner and first dances and speeches, etc and it kind of stinks since your SO was away from you the entire ceremony as well.

    We did a sweetheart table and our bridal party was dispersed between a few different tables to sit with other people that they know. If its a big deal to your FH to have the bridal party around him, could you have SOs up there with you so they don't have to sit along?

    • Reply
  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    It's not rude at all. I'm not sure why we brides sometimes put these unnecessary pressures on one another, but I see it happen on these forums a lot. If you want to be sure about the table, ask a few of your local friends what they think. I had honestly never heard of head tables being "rude" or "awful" until reading it in these forums. Drama. It's just not a big deal at all.

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    I have been on the receiving end of this (date of someone in bp) and it sucked not being able to sit with my partner. Especially because I was only attending the wedding to support him (i don’t get along with the bride) I think you should consider a kings table or sweetheart table. Explain what you’re thinking to Fh. Mine was against sweetheart at first until he sat down and thought about it.
    • Reply
  • CourtneyBrittain
    Master August 2019
    CourtneyBrittain ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well luckily all of our BM/GM who have a SO is also in the bridal party except for one, and that SO is super close with Mom of girlfriend so we know she won’t mind sitting with her.
    • Reply
  • Nemo
    Master August 2018
    Nemo ·
    • Flag

    Super super super rude as someone who has been separated from their H at a wedding where they knew no one. I understand the desire to sit with your wedding party, because we wanted to do that too. But we also wanted everyone to feel comfortable. It really isn't fair to sit people away from their date.

    Ours: Wedding party sat on the back side of the table (facing the room) and their dates sat with their backs to the rest of the room. My best friend just got married and did their head table the same way and it was perfect.

    Head Table vs. Sweetheart 1


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  • Nemo
    Master August 2018
    Nemo ·
    • Flag
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    H was in a wedding in September. The wedding was a 6 hour drive from where we live. He spent the entire day getting ready with the wedding party (obviously). I sat alone during the ceremony (didn't know anyone). I attended most of cocktail hour alone (didn't know anyone and the wedding party did pictures). I spent 2 hours of the 4 hour reception at my table with strangers because H was in the wedding party. It sucked. I made "friends," but it was still awkward because they were all friends with each other and I was the odd one out. Was is miserable? No. Would I describe it as a "fun" wedding to look back on? Also no.

    All of my friends and I have talked about this and we all feel the same way. We would never tell a bride and groom that we were unhappy with the arrangement because they didn't ask for our opinion, but we also have all texted each other complaining throughout the reception until we are reunited with our SO.

    • Reply
  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
    • Flag

    We are having a sweetheart table specifically to avoid this issue. I have not seen it done with SO's being at the table as well, but seems awkward to have them sitting alone. Maybe reserve a table close to the sweetheart table for bridal party to sit so that they don't get split up?

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    We ran into a similar issue. We opted for a sweetheart table and one for the bridesmaids and their dates and another for groomsmen and their dates.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I've been a bridesmaid where they did a head table without dates, it was super awkward and all the members of the party with dates were annoyed.

    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    We are having a sweetheart table. I’ve only been to two weddings: at my dads wedding they had a head table and I sat at it as one of the bridesmaids. I didn’t like it at all. My boyfriend at the time was placed at the singles table (done by my stepmother to spite me) and we all faced the dance floor and it was very uncomfortable. At my FSIL wedding, she had a sweetheart which I thought was not only sweet, but they were able to enjoy their first meal together as husband and wife. I don’t think it’s fair to separate your bridal party from the rest of their families.
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