Head count dilemma

I like what e=mc2 has to say. People do that all the time if they are trying to pick a date for a DW, so I don't see why you couldn't for this.

You need to have your venue, so you can list the town on the STD. If you inviting 100 people total, you need to have the venue that will fit that. You need to find a venue within your budget first and then invite people based on that. Even if people if you a 'yes we will be coming' so many things can happen and come up that can cause them not to attend. I think there will be chatter about your wedding after the STD, but I think it's wrong to want a pretty strong answer from people at that point. I agree with others, try a public part or some type of venue like that if you are worried about budget. If would be able to fit as many or little people as you want and then you can worry about food later. You said you are doing this to budget, well in my opinion and experience you should be making your budget based off your guest list. Make your guest list and see how many people are on it. Figure out how much it will cost per head, if it is too much then start cutting back on the guest list. Also, for save the dates, they don't have to go to everyone. You can send them to family you know for sure will be invited and very close people that you know for sure. Others don't necessarily need a save the date sent to them. That also gives you flexibility as things get closer to sending out actual invites. If you do need to cut some people then there will be people you didn't send save the dates to.

Date is set October 22, 2015 I have several venue options available for that date

First of all, even if only 20 people come, you can still have a wedding! Wedding's don't need to be big.

But this is something you have to decide you actually want to do. When you throw any party, you run the risk of not enough people showing up to justify the money spent. That risk is even bigger when people have to travel (especially in the middle of the week). So I would do what e=mc2 suggested and send out a text to your VIP's to get a sense of what they are feeling. But know that nothing this far in advance is going to be for sure. Plans are going to change. So I would suggest finding a venue that can accommodate parties of all sizes, and just whatever amenities you include would change. So like if you invite 60, but are worried only 20 will show up, pick a venue that can accommodate 60 and you can afford to host 60, but that you can also upgrade to a nicer meal, appetizers, or bar in case you only get RSVP's for 20. If that makes sense.

And you really can't send out STD's until you book a venue. Even if you know certain venues have the date available, until it's actually booked and contracts are signed, you don't have a date.

Nicole, if you have several options, just book one already, with a guest estimate of how many STDs you're sending out. If the wedding turns out to be small, it's small. If you have a food/bev minimum then you can totally just upgrade to hit it, which would make for an awesome wedding! It sounds like you've budgeted the $6,000 (pretty cheap for a wedding), so make that your budget and take care of the venue ASAP.

You're making this way harder than you have to.

Make a list of who you want to invite and use that as your number. You might have less people show up, but it's better to plan for a larger number and have fewer come, than to plan for too few and not have room.

Like others have said, Pick a number and stick with it.

You should defiantly have a venue before you plan. Anything can change.

People change their minds all the time its inevitable and even if you ask on your STD the day before the wedding there will be people who will not show up or cancel. I think you just have to stick to a number and make cuts.

Thanks everyone for your input. I think I will try what e=mc2 suggested to get an idea. I guess the next hurdle will to be to finally decide on which venue we want. I am torn between 2 so we are working on our pros and cons list today. Sadly, I am too nice and where I did site tours at both I feel bad telling one that we decided to go with the other. Both ladies were so nice and welcoming!

Wouldn't worry about hurting feelings. You may feel bad about it, but venue coordinators are used to it. Best course of action is to be completely honest and explain what was the dealbreaker.