He dislikes my daughter and doesn't want to get married anymore

If this person (I'm not even going to give him respect of calling him a man, because he doesn't respect your children and doesn't deserve it) can treat your child this way, is this a relationship you even want to save? I wouldn't put anymore money into this wedding (which his comment of not losing HIS money also pisses me off), and work on moving on in life without him. Your children deserve better. You deserve better. He deserves nothing.

Is your name on the house? is the question.

Thank you everyone. I feel a lot less alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

@DC no, the house is his from before we met.

Run. How is there even a question of what to do? How could you consider marrying someone who would treat/speak of your daughter this way?

I don't have kids, but I once left a guy because he treated my dog like shit.

Get out. Now. You are too strong of a woman, and too good of a mother, to stick around with that idiot.

Counselling is always an option. But if he truly picks on your daughter, I'm sorry, but kids come first. I say F**k him.

These ladies have given you solid advice, I would find a safe place for you and your daughters and count your blessings that you are free of the toxic relationship

Get out. Get out now. Peace awaits you. You will be better. I promise. You'll not longer worry if your BF is going to snap at the kids, and anxiously trying to avoid it. Your kids will relax in a more serene setting.

Once you're out, go see a lawyer and find out what you're actually entitled to.

You're not alone. If you need help we can find resources for you.

@lili, I've been there. When you love someone (or think you love someone) sometimes commonsense goes out the door. In my case I was with a guy who was a lawyer and I was a part time nanny while we were dating and he convinced me to pay for a multitude of things, including what turned out to be a trip for him and his ex masked as a boys trip. So I get it and I get how you feel right now about making decisions you might not normally make. While I dont have kids, he took mw away from all my closest friends for awhile. Counseling helped me after that relationship and I strongly suggest counseling for you as well asap. Don't kick yourself that this happened, be glad you saw this side to him now rather than after a wedding where things get a whole lot more expensive when split.

Fuck him, fuck that, no. Nope. No. Leave his ass. That's the worst type of person. She is your DAUGHTER and you should have been hightailing it out the door much sooner than now

Counseling. But she's always going to be your daughter as you see men come and go

@Lili you can hire a lawyer for compensation for the house remodel. You won't get the house and it will likely be contentious but you will likely get some of the money back based on increasing the value of the house/equity provided you can provide proof that you paid. It's not an easy or painless process but I contemplated going through it with an ex-fiance. At the end of the day I didn't as one of the main reasons I was leaving was because he was impossible to negotiate with and I just wanted out, but just wanted to mention you can go the legal route.

Also, I'm marrying a man who has a teenaged son. I may sometimes disagree with stuff his son does but I would NEVER make such a "me or him" type of statement. They're a packaged deal and I know his son has a good heart. He's just a typical teenager.

Put the pool up for sale. Find a way to get your money back and get out.

I know I'm a tad late o. This thread.. BUT... I was in a similar situation. My ex husband moved in with my children and I. We ended up getting married even though I felt it was the wrong thing to do. I felt awful backing out at the last minute. No one liked him. I honestly don't know why I even went through with it. He was really no benefit to me. Four miserable years later I FINALLY got him out of my house. It was not an easy task! It took me a year to get him out.

PLEASE LEAVE AND DON'T LOOK BACK! Cut your losses! You will rebuild your Financial situation.

Don't put another dime into the relationship. Tell him you need x-amount of time to save to get out! Do not let him fool you again. Then sue him for whatever you can!

Oh wow!!! That's terrible!!! However, he is showing you his true colors so believe it and move on. When he marries you, he has to realize that your daughter will now be his daughter. You need to put your daughter first and take the high road. I've seen instances where a woman chooses a man over her child, leaving the child neglected and feeling unwanted. If he cannot accept your daughter, then he cannot accept you. Your daughter's safety is a concern now and it's best to move on now before matters get worse. Since he's refusing counseling, he's showing that he's not trying to work things out. I know you're concerned about the money you put in the wedding and his house. But it's better that you find out about this now than later and having to possibly spend more money on a divorce. Again, I'm so sorry.

Oh gosh, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I would immediately stop planning the wedding and not spend another penny on something that your partner is saying he doesn't want, that would be a waste of money. As far as remodeling his home is concerned.....have you begun doing any of these things? Is it too late to back out and not have it affect your good credit?

I saw you post earlier that he is refusing counseling of any kind. I hate to say it but that is not a good sign. When a partner is giving an ultimatum, of sorts, that your daughter has to be "perfect" all the time or he doesn't want to marry you....IMO that is not a good foundation for a life-long marriage. This whole situation stinks. You may need to speak to someone about what can be done to recoup money lost renovating a home that is not yours.

Please take into consideration the kind of strain it will have on your relationship with your children IF you stay with this man. I'm sure its a lot of pressure to please him and make sure your kids are "behaving".

If I were you, there would be no way I'd be able to forget this kind of treatment. Even if you married him and things were okay, wouldn't you worry that this could happen again? I would. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be throwing your child's behavior in your face as a way to get you to do what he wants you to do. He sounds like hes playing major mind games with you. Run. Forget the money you put into his house. Take it as a lesson learned. You, your mental health, and your children are number 1!