L
Beginner February 2018

He dislikes my daughter and doesn't want to get married anymore

Lili, on May 18, 2017 at 1:00 PM Posted in Married Life 0 134
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I'm in big trouble...Me and my daughters moved-in my fiancé house 2 years ago. I paid and financed alone for the remodeling of his house a pool because I have great credit and he doesn't. One time I asked "but what if 1 day you don't want me anymore?" and he said that we're getting married soon, the house is OURS. Fast forward, we have been engaged for 1 year and planning the wedding but now he seems to be always mad and irritable, he picks on 1 of my daughters all the time, and he announced to me over the weekend that he cannot see himself married to me because of my daughter. He told me I can make deposits to secure vendors if I want to but with my own money because HE doesn't want to loose any money on this. As of today he doesn't want to get married but that could change if my daughter "behaves" (meaning a 10 year old needs to be perfect ALL THE TIME). I don't know what to do. All my money is in this house which isn't mine. I'm sad and feel lost. I feel stupid and betrayed.

134 Comments

Latest activity by Lili, on May 25, 2017 at 9:45 AM
  • L
    Beginner February 2018
    Lili ·
    • Flag

    I didn't have enough space left to specify: he refuses any kind of counseling Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • Powers2
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
    • Flag

    I don't blame you for feeling sad and lost, but what you are describing sounds a little too familiar to me- meaning this is the situation my mom was in. She broke up with her then boyfriend but they ultimately got back together and married when I was 12.

    I'm 37, and I have no relationship with my mother because of how she let a man treat me.

    Hard as it is, put your daughter first.

    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag

    First, do not put a DIME more into this wedding. I agree with counseling but at the same time, you need to put yourself and your daughter first. Giving you an ultimatum about your daughter is just disgusting in my book and would be a deal ender for me.

    ETA: Just saw your last post. That doesn't surprise me one bit based on his behavior. Seems like its time to make plans on how you can move on without him.

    • Reply
  • BookcaseHat
    Master July 2017
    BookcaseHat ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry.

    Not that I disagree with LMac about the need for counseling, but do you even WANT to try to salvage this relationship? You seem more concerned about the money you've spent (with good reason) than any sort of sadness about your fiance, which tells me you just want out of this relationship.

    I'd work on finding a new home for you and your daughters, make sure your finances are totally separate from this man, and cut him out of your life.

    • Reply
  • JennBell
    Devoted September 2017
    JennBell ·
    • Flag

    I am so sorry you are going through this. If he can't accept your daughter something is wrong with him. He knew you were a package deal. I would hold off on wedding planning and maybe seek out a family therapist or marriage counselor to see if that can help. Don't put him over your child though...meaning don't take it out o her if you guys don't work out and don't blame her for his problems. Because it is most definitely his problem and not hers. Unless she is setting fires and killing animals. Otherwise I am guessing she is a normal 10 year old kid doing what normal 10 year Olds do. Testing boundaries and being a kid. As far as financial issues go...speak with an attorney to figure out what right you may have to get any of those financial investments back or if you are paying on them off your credit and on to his. A lawyer would know more about ll of that.

    Again I am so sorry this is something you are going through and I wish you the absolute best.

    • Reply
  • ModernDayBride
    Super January 2018
    ModernDayBride ·
    • Flag

    If a man can't take your children he can't take you either.

    • Reply
  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
    • Flag

    If he is refusing counseling, get out of there.

    It's easier to end a relationship now than to do so through divorce.

    It sounds like he doesn't respect you or your child(ren). Your child does not deserve to put up with his negative behavior. You do not deserve this, either.

    If he truly loved and respected you, and wanted your relationship to work out, then he'd pursue counseling.

    • Reply
  • Cara
    Devoted November 2017
    Cara ·
    • Flag

    You need to be on the title of that house! You've paid for the remodeling and others?

    I had the same thing happen to me with the ahole ex. we bought the house TOGETHER, but only he was on the mortgage and the title. Yet I put in money towards EVERYTHING.. the remodeling, the new pool, the pavers, the roof, the refinancing to get said work done. I told him that I needed to be put on the title of the house because of all the money I was putting towards it (Plus 10k of help from my parents). His response: Not right now, I am going to put you on as a beneficiary to my life insurance so you'll be free from having to pay anything. We fought ALL the time, like literally when I walked in the door from work, I got screamed at because I was interrupting him working.

    We broke up and he wouldn't pay me back a penny because there was NO paper trail.

    Girl I was NAIVE as hell and I am out over 20k plus 5 years of my life wasted with this POS. You need to get on counseling to work something out and get on that title ASAP.

    BTW.. I am with the others on this, RUN with your daughter and start new life. I know your hurting and it doesn't seem fair - it isn't, but this no good, MF'r, sorry, lowlife using ass will NOT take away your pride. You made a mistake in the name of love and trustworthiness.. It's a painful lesson to learn - the hard way. You can do this Lili, you and your daughters happiness and well being come #1, not this jackass. As others have said: fuck him. Karma will come, have faith.

    • Reply
  • TreeShade
    Master September 2016
    TreeShade ·
    • Flag

    RUN!

    Take you child and leave!

    • Reply
  • SleepytheDwarf
    Master June 2017
    SleepytheDwarf ·
    • Flag

    I'm really sorry. But if he refuses counseling, get the hell out.

    • Reply
  • Aylenrose
    VIP January 2018
    Aylenrose ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else I would find a good place for you and your daughters to live and then switch payments for the pool or anything house related to him if not see if you can cancel them. Then get your money back from the vendors not the deposit but anything else you've spent. He is not worth your time and tears. You and your daughters need to come first!

    • Reply
  • MTB
    Master May 2017
    MTB ·
    • Flag

    Get away from him NOW. And don't go back when he says he's sorry.

    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner February 2018
    Lili ·
    • Flag

    I was a single mom for 10 years before I met him. I worked very hard to give everything to my daughters. I also worked very to make sure we would never be in needs. I had saved a good amount amount of money for the rainy days because, again, it was just me providing for 2 kids.

    Now not only I'm sad and feel stupid for having believed 1 second that I could trust someone else, but I'm also mad at myself for being so naive and basically blew all my savings and maxed my credit for a house remodeling that isn't in my name.

    If he decides today me and my daughters have to go, we leave with nothing but debts for a house which isn't ours. I feels so stupid. I feel like I failed my daughters.

    He was acting as a super dad at first. Taking to activities, always having a nice gesture towards them. I really, truly believed he was a good man and that he cared for me and my daughters.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Expert February 2018
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    This guy sounds like a jerk and I would get out now. As for the money, it honestly sounds like there's not much you can do. I'm not a lawyer though, so if you know any, try asking them.

    • Reply
  • MrsMitch
    Master August 2017
    MrsMitch ·
    • Flag

    Sorry you're going through this but I don't agree with the couple's counseling. You need to walk away and seek counseling for you and your children. Your kids come first and they will resent you later if you make the decision to put a man, who is not their father, above them. I also question how honorable of a man he is to let you finance and do all this work on HIS house. Walk.

    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner February 2018
    Lili ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't never blame my daughter. Like you said, she's a typical 10 year old. She's forgetful, she's moody at times, but she's so kind and loving. What breaks my heart and is how much she loves him Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
    • Flag

    Do not put deposits down. See a lawyer about getting your money back, many will give a free consult. Start with letter demanding your money

    • Reply
  • TankTank
    Devoted June 2017
    TankTank ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry OP, but get out and consider this a win for you, finding you you could have married this so called Man beforehand is a blessing in disguise

    • Reply
  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry, but I am not sure why you put the house in his name when you were paying for all the renovations. That was a huge mistake on your part and I know it was partly to do with you "being in love".

    Don't beat yourself up for trusting and loving someone who is incapable of the sacrifice and commitment that comes with marriage. Just because he isn't the right guy, doesn't mean that there isn't one out there for you and your children.

    I would abandon ship at this point and call a lawyer, although I am not sure what they could do since the home is not in your name and you provided the money in i a gift capacity. Take care of your children and yourself. I hope it works out for you.

    • Reply
  • Shy-Bull
    VIP March 2017
    Shy-Bull ·
    • Flag

    You will rebuild. As hard as it it is now, you will regret more staying with him and continuing the bad environment for your daughter. I'm so sorry OP

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