Having the ceremony after getting legally married

I am getting "legally" married in CA a day or 2 before my ceremony and reception because I am getting married in Mexico and I live in CA.

I don't think anyone will ask me if I am already legally married. I won't hide the fact but I also not going to tell everyone either "hey, thanks for coming, btw I got legally married 2 days ago..."

I don't think a couple of days or weeks or even months is that serious.

Also, If I did get married beforehand, I know that no will leave (with their gift) bc I don't know people that are that petty... smh

Yes! That's me. We got married at the courthouse in January 2017 and our actual reception is in 30 days.

I sent out invitation as if we're not married.

I was not in meaning to imply that I thought the just doing the legal stuff was not a real wedding, I know that many people choose to do it that way and that is a very valid choice. Our plans to do that are for the purpose of me needing insurance due to a job change and insurance being unaffordable for me at my new job and I can't just go without it for a few months. We still want to have a wedding with all of our friends and our families, and everyone knows we were planning on being married several months before the bigger wedding. We planned to not keep it a secret in any way.

However we have decided that we are going to have a small ceremony and reception with our families and close friends who live nearby in 3 weeks. Rather than just going to the courthouse or something. And later have a bigger celebration with the rest of our friends and family.

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May I ask what you had your officiant say at your ceremony? I'm in the same situation but what's tripping me up is knowing how my officiant should phrase it if we're already married.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I’m planning on doing this for immigration reasons but wedding ceremony and reception is planned for March. Am going to do the courthouse next week. Will
tell those that should know and the rest don’t need to know.

View Quoted Comment I just wanted to say THANK YOU! You are absolutely correct about how everyone gets hung up on the legal aspect of a piece of paper, what matters is the date you hold the ceremony!!!

This is the only place where people get so hung up wedding dates. Nobody in their right mind is going to a wedding wondering if the couple isnaleessy legally married. If you allow something as minute as signing papers deter you from you celebrating and being happy for your love ones you are sick and don’t deserve them in your life. Nobody is lying to you by not telling you their personal business. Get over yourselves weddings aren’t about you boo.

We are doing the same thing! We got married last year and are holding our "wedding celebration" this year. Since our civil marriage was at the courthouse and purely civil we are doing a ceremony in the church (per my Catholic priest, it is a religious blessing/our wedding in the eyes of God, since our civil marriage was non-religious. Aka separation of church and state) If you guys are non religious you could do a vow confirmation ceremony and basically just repeat your initial vows all emotionally in front of your family and friends. Most people know we are already married and we put it as part of "our story" on our wedding website for anyone who doesn't know, etc. No one who comes will care if you are already married our not (and if they do you don't want them there anyways). The key is this is your celebration so while there are traditional ways to do it (Btws the whole 'wedding dress must be white thing' only became a thing after Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding- considered an unusual choose at the time, and it caught on) but in the end do what makes you guys happy and your friends and family who LOVE (or at least really like) you will be there to congratulate you.

As for invitations, you could invite them to your "wedding celebration" or invite them to your "celebration of marriage". OR you can use "vow confirmation", "vow reaffirmation" or"religious blessing of the marriage".

Also to all the women on this page who disagree with any type of "wedding" once the civil wedding has taken place, would you really not go to the "wedding celebration" of one of your friends or someone else you really care about and bad mouth them just because they didn't 'do it the proper way", at least in your opinion? Don't you just want them to be happy and have their marriage last 80+ years!?

Good Luck, and remember the most important part of all of this isn't the wedding or celebration but the life long marriage between you and your spouse!

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We never had a courthouse ceremony and never gave each other a vow. However, the state recognizes us as legally married.

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We never had a courthouse ceremony. However, the state recognizes us as legally married. It would not be a vow renewal since we never gave each other a vow. Since we have never had a marriage license, and would be signing it in front of everyone, couldn't it still be considered a wedding?

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We live in Colorado. The event will be in Virginia in 2020 because my mom has mobility issues, and most of my friends are there so they wouldn't have to travel.

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I don't see what's disingenous about changing my name to my spouse's last name. Everyone can see it on social media. And anyone who knows that we're $150K in debt thinks it would be stupid to pay for a wedding ceremony the year we got legally married by mail.

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AMEN! TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU! Your day is about the two of you, celebrate as you see fit!

View Quoted Comment Agreed.. personally, I don't want people at my wedding who are only there because they feel "obligated" fluff all that noise.. that just breeds negative energy I don't want present at an event where I'm making a formal start to a life long commitment that's intended to make my spouse and I happy... I don't know what motivation anyone would have to maliciously lie about it anyway.. except maybe wanting a different anniversary date but having other reasons the legal paperwork had to be done first... not having adequate time to plan the event they wanted because of legal needs etc... unless everyone in their lives is just plain shallow and they thought they couldn't have their celebration any other way... But then.. what's the point in celebrating with such people? I don't know the whole context of Kaitlyn's family member's wedding.. but I definitely think from the sound of it/what I have seen posted here that her and her family's behavior was way uglier than the couple's....

1st and foremost, God created marriage, NOT the Courthouse, Government, Legal system, or what have you. When people got married before courthouses existed, and the paper legal trail were invented, did their community recognize them as "Not really married", the answer is No. The legal system was created to track societal events, etc.

Your marriage date is the date you take your vows, before God and whatever witnesses , taking your husband and or wife as your spouse. Not when you have to register it "legally". There are certain rights, you shouldn't just roll over and let the legal system define for you.

For example, If I have a child, and I never file for the birth certificate or social security card, am I not the mother of the child, just because I didn't file for birth certificate , or social security card? Yes, I am still the mother ,although I don't have legal documentation. This is the same for any of our God given rights.

The legal documentation is for the governing system to prove track and know my citizen status as a member of society, NOT to create or define it. We have "God given" rights, that some of you , seem to be putting into the hands of the "legal system" to rule for you.

View Quoted Comment There are all sorts of reasons why couples may choose to have a court house wedding first followed by a traditional wedding later. For one, due to my then finance and now husband’s immigration status, it was imperative that we married civilly right away. Waiting to save for and plan for wedding was not an option. Therefore, we had a civil wedding to get through the paperwork and are planning a big blow out WEDDING with friends and family travelling from all over the world to witness/celebrate. We are being fully transparent with all of our guests and they are absolutely thrilled to be there, spending money to travel and have so far been very generous with gifts. While very few know the reason behind our choice to go to court first, we did announce that we were married earlier in the year and are planning a traditional wedding at a later date. The fact that majority of our guests do not know about the urgency of our choice and still support us, says ALOT. I think if you have an issue with a friend or family going the dual wedding route, you have every right to decline the invitation. But, I’ll tell you, I’ve been very picky with our guest list and every single person we’ve invited who truly care and support us do not feel the way you do at all. A wedding is a symbolic, ceremonial celebration meant to introduce fiends and family to a couple in a very special way. Being legally married before hand does not change that part at all. The magic is in the congregation of people celebrating for a particular purpose.

I plan on getting married in Wisconsin with family and friends in a smaller simple ceremony. My future husband is from California. He has no family. However we want to have a ceremony there also for his friends and co-workers. What are your thoughts on this.

You can call it a wedding if you want to call it a wedding. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Your family and friends should feel honored to be invited to your celebration no matter what name you give it. Also it's not like you're asking for gifts for your courthouse wedding AND your family/friend affair. No one can accuse you of gift grabbing. I don't see why people get so technical about it. You can have a bachelorette party too if you didn't get the opportunity to have one prior. There are no rules, and if people want to be judgmental they can go lick a window. I think that I'm going to have a small wedding ceremony with just moms and my sister and then have a more traditional wedding a year later. My sister and I want to get married at around the same time, but we don't want to compete with each other and make out of town guests choose between attending our weddings. It doesn't make sense for me to wait to get married legally because my fiancé and I are trying to buy a house and start our family. It's honestly no one else's business anyway. If they're offended for whatever reason then that's their problem, not yours.