Having a courthouse wedding for immigration reasons then planning a formal wedding.

There have been tons of couples here, and family members on the receiving end, who have been in similar situations. As with everything else in life, honesty is the best policy. There's no reason that you can't still have your special day, but someone will inevitably find out that you were already married and feelings will be hurt. It will go over much better coming from you.

You can always say that the wedding and reception you want to throw when you are able to is a vow renewal. Those are just as socially “valid” as the 1st wedding, and can be just as special and amazing. That’s basically what you’d be doing anyway, but it wouldn’t have to be a secret that you’re already married

I am one of the brides that will be getting legally married before the big celebration. Ours is merely for the date but we are just too old to wait another year to be married. We are having our reception a couple of days later with a handfasting ceremony so our friends and family feel included in the marriage. We are being very honest about this and I have to agree that this is often the best policy. Most people call these vow renewal ceremonies. My brother tried keeping his first marriage secret and having the big ceremony later and it did not go over well with friends and family when they found out, these things always come out.

I will ask though, I have heard that marrying a US citizen is no longer a guarantee that you will have that path to citizenship. Have you spoken with an immigration lawyer about this?

I see nothing wrong with having a vow renewal later! I agree that you need to be honest that you and your future spouse got married. It can cause lots of drama and hurt family members if you're not upfront about it and they'd probably be less likely to want to celebrate with you

Hi Ryan,

I also agree that honesty is the best policy when dealing with loved ones. Because those closest to you will always love and support you no matter what. Just because you guys are getting married in a court house doesn’t make it any less special!! Marrying your best friend will always be special.


Who cares when and where you legally say “I DO”. I think it’s smart to wait to have your big celebration when your financially stable. This way you guys get to celebrate the way you’ve always wanted too.

Who cares what others think, if people are willing to talk crap about having a wedding after you’re legally married then they shouldn’t be celebrating with you anyway.

At the end of the day do what’s best for the two of you.

Good luck with everything!

I agree with honesty being the best policy with regard to your friends and family. I would also suggest that you not keep the courthouse wedding be a secret. Take pictures, invite a couple friends or family members for witnesses, if you are on social media share your special day, go out to a restaurant or have a small party at home and celebrate. And again, take pictures!! Don't say you are getting married for immigration purposes! The first ceremony might be different than you would like, but you are in love and want to be married; your marriage -- not wedding-- is not just for immigration purposes. Lots of people are unable to have the ceremony they want for a lot of different reasons, but it doesn't make the marriage less valid. Best wishes, a former immigration lawyer

You can do whatever you want. I was in a similar situation with my husband. After being together for 3.5 years (2.5 of those were in a long distance relationship) we got married in the presence of family and friends this year. But we had already gotten married last year legally for immigration purposes. So we basically eloped and then had a wedding, both days were amazing and we enjoyed them so much.

After eloping last year

On our wedding day this year

Hi Ryan,

My situation was kind of similar in the sense that we had a long distance relationship (1.5 years) and were living together for a month before we got legally married at the courthouse with just my mom in attendance. Our wedding is coming up next month and we haven't told anybody other than my mom that were are already legally married for the same reason you hesitate to say anything: it might take away from the planned wedding day and people's feelings/judgments about having a wedding after being legally married already. My advise is to just go with your gut. We've been married now for almost 5 months and it's been the best kept secret. For all intent and purposes, to my guests our wedding day will be the day of our planned wedding ceremony and reception.