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Dedicated October 2022

Hate my brother-in-law's gf and don't want her there.

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Sherraine, on April 22, 2019 at 12:58 PM

In the middle of my planning I run into a bit of a problem. My soon to be brother-in-law has been with this gf for some time. Weve all even lived together at some point as roommates. I HATED her as a roommate. We were friendly at one point but she started some bad habits. Not cleaning up the house or after herself. When i would confront her she would catch an attitude and fly into hysterics. She'd also ruin several of my things and refuse to refund or replace them.

Regardless I tried to make amends with her and move on but she simply refuses to even speak to me or reply to me.

When my fiance and I got engaged I was upfront and honest and simply stated I did not want her part of my wedding party or wedding. We're not even on friendly terms why would I want someone like that with me on my special day? I believe the phrase is called "nearest and Dearest"

Almost out of nowhere she gets pissed off because 1. I didn't choose her to be in my wedding party and 2. I didn't want to invite her to the wedding. So now her boyfriend ( my brother-in-law, whose also a groomsmen ) is now making an ultimatum that if she can't come he's not coming.

My fiance agrees with my feelings but at the same time he's conflicted because that's his baby brother. What do I do? For the sake of Peace do I invite this person that clearly doesn't like me where do I stick to my guns in Risk making a rest between his brother.

Also for the record I adore his baby brother. I've known him longer than they've been together(the gf)

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27 Comments

Dedicated February 2022
Deborah · on April 22, 2019 at 9:39 PM
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I agree with most of what was said. You don’t want FBIL to miss the wedding. However I agree with you. Why would I want someone at my wedding that doesn’t even speak to me. I’d give an ultinatum if my own 🤷🏽‍♀️ You want to come to my wedding and I want to burry the hatchet. She would be more than welcome to come but we would need to sit down and talk about things first. Maybe your fiancé and FBIL can facilitate a lunch pow wow and the two of you can talk and get to a casual place
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on April 22, 2019 at 9:41 PM
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You have to invite her. You can’t only invite half a couple unless you are worried about someone’s safety.
But you don’t have to invite her to the wedding.
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Super May 2019
Megan · on April 22, 2019 at 9:42 PM
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I totally get how you feel. I cannot stand my FBIL’s girlfriend, and FH is an identical twin so he is really close with his brother. FH shares my feelings as well. Unfortunately we had to give her a “political invite” but I definitely sent her a text about how I expected her to behave at our wedding.
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Devoted April 2020
Simone · on April 22, 2019 at 9:44 PM
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I am in the minority, but I dont believe you are wrong for not wanting her there. Who wants that energy? Moreover, why does she want to come if she doesn't like you or speak to you? She sounds like a petty brat who just hates the idea of not being included, or she doesn't want her bf paired up with someone else at the ceremony.

That being said, if this igoing to cause a rift between the brothers and you, just let the heifer come. Do not put her in the wedding party...but I'm guessing the invite wont be good enough for her.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on April 24, 2019 at 4:40 PM
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You can invite her and just be cordial. I do not like my brother's girlfriend either but I still extended an invite.
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Dedicated October 2022
Sherraine · on May 7, 2019 at 9:36 AM
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UPDATE!!!!
so we sat down with my BIL and his gf. we told her that she is able and welcomed to come to the wedding. after the talk we even sat around and had drinks. it seemed like the four of us sqaushed the beef right?
NOPE
a few days ago she comes up to me and says that it pisses her off that i only gave her an invite to the wedding. i should of made her one of my bridesmaids (to make up for initially not inviting her.) that she now decided both her and the BIL will not attended.
at this point i had had enough of this petty behavior. i told her thats fine and im over her and her drama. i tried to make amends but its not enough for her.
i told my fiancee, he agrees with me at this point. talked to his brother who does want to come and be a groomsmen but doesnt want to piss off his gf so for sake of peace he will not come
this is a devastating blow for both my fiance and i. i adore his brother, and im sad this has happened but im gonna let this be. it is what it is. thanks to everyone for the wonderful advice
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Super October 2017
Emily · on May 9, 2019 at 10:32 AM
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You did the right things and unfortunately, she took care of the problem for you. I see your wedding is in a couple of years? If that date is accurate, maybe this problem will take care of itself over the long run. If my significant other did what she's now done and I couldn't be in my siblings wedding because of it, it would cause a serious rift and would lead to the end of our relationship over some amount of time.
Support your FBIL and let him know you guys love him and want him there. I hope this has a happier ending for you than you are expecting right now.
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