Has anyone refused money from their parents?

So far I have avoided taking any money from my FH's family because they have lots of opinions. I have accepted money from my family, though, because they're incredibly supportive of me and I know they don't really care what I end up doing as long as I'm happy. I actually had to twist their arms to get them to give me some names of their friends they'd like to invite.

If I were in your shoes I would refuse the money - you're going to have drama either way, and I'd rather pick the drama of not accepting money over having virtually no control over your wedding.

We would never have accepted money from our parents for several reasons, but one them was exactly what you are experiencing - there are typically too many strings attached to the money.

I think you should decline his offer and have the wedding you want.

We turned down money from FH's mom and dad & step-mom because it all came with stipulations (cash bar, drink tickets, casual VFW wedding).

FH had that talk with them by himself so I don't know for sure how well it went, but we still the same relationships with them that we had before refusing their financial contributions.

Good for you.

If you feel like turning down the offer is the right thing for you, then do it. There's nothing wrong with that.

The only reason we accepted some help is because both of our parents have offered money towards specific things- like FH's parents love the venue we chose and offered to pay for it. My mom wants to contribute towards the cost of the catering, no matter what we go with for food. Since they aren't giving strong opinions towards these things we didn't feel stressed about accepting.

But if their offers had come with conditions, we would have refused. It sounds like refusing will be a good choice for you.

I agree, you should definitely thank him for the sentiment, but that you have a very specific vision for your wedding day and it doesn't match his.

Is there any possibility for compromise? I can see being married by a person of your faith can be a big deal to some people. My understanding is that unless you are Catholic, you can frequently find someone of your faith to perform the wedding elsewhere (beach, etc.). Have you tried to discuss this with your dad? Is your dad concerned that guests will not be well-hosted other than at a country club. I don't think he is right, but I understand his concern. He may be thinking that the CC is experienced and can handle it. I think you need to ask him why and listen. Listen not to reply, but to understand. At the end of day, compromise may not be possible, but I think you should try.

At the end of the day, you may have to give up the money. GL.

I did. I took money from them for college and it was a disaster so I decided never again. I'm not going to lie its extremely hard when you see your siblings and friends buying houses and getting married before you with their parents money. But I also feel very proud of everything FH and I have accomplished on our own.

My parents generously gave us a check and told us to plan whatever we wanted, but FMIL was really bad and we ended up telling her no thanks. She said she'd give us a check, and then she told us that she had to go on the venue tours and if she liked the place then she'd pay. A) We didn't want to be under her thumb, and b) We needed to know our budget before we looked at a place. So we said no thanks and are paying the rest ourselves.

Good for you in knowing what the issues are, tons of people don't notice how money comes with strings. I would decline the money, have the wedding you want. If he learns what is important he may elect to help later but don't expect it. Good luck.

We are doing this. While I'm sure my mother could be hands off and give as a gift, my father is an entirely different creature who would try to make our wedding centered around himself. Even just hearing him say to every guest "I paid for ______" in order to boost his ego would drive us nuts and that's not worth it to us.

I would sit down and have a talk with him. Explain that you know he wants a certain type of wedding but it does not go along with what you want. Maybe he doesn't understand what you are envisioning. If he does not want to let you have free reign over the decisions then you either have to find a compromise or inform him that you will be paying for your own wedding.

Thanks everyone, this is super helpful and making me feel much more confident that this is the right thing to do. I totally plan to have a civil conversation with him about it and just say that our vision is this and though we are very grateful for your offer, we prefer to decline in order to have the wedding that we want.

@karen - I think we may be able to compromise. We would be totally fine with having someone of faith perform the ceremony, we just want an all in one venue. The thing is, my dad is not religious at all so the idea of him pushing us to get married in a church is frustrating. It's more just because that is what his family will expect and what all of my cousins have done, I think. A lot of it seems to be about distance from my family as well, which I get - but my FH family all lives a state away and having it close to my parents means a 2 hour drive for them. Its going to be impossible to accommodate both of them distance wise, even if we did it right in the middle of their homes it would still be an hour drive for both families, and my dad does not agree with his family having to drive an hour.

I would. No pay, no say, meaning if YOU are not paying, YOU lose decision making power. By accepting him paying for everything, you give him control. Not something I would want for our wedding: my parents' hosting skills and tastes are abhorrent.

Decline the money and have the wedding you and your FH can afford on your own.

I refuse money from my mom all the time. She insisted on being part of the wedding though and made me let her buy my dress. So of course I felt guilty finding a dress that was too expensive. FH told me if I found one I liked that was more he would pay the difference, but I settled for a less expensive one.

Other than that, I wouldn't let her pay for anything. Though she still tried to have a say! I don't know how many times I had to repeat that we're not getting a videographer. But you just have to stick to your guns!

I think turning the money down is the best decision you can make in this situation. I'm sorry there are so many strings attached to the financial help. You don't want to look back and regret having a wedding you didn't truly love.

My parents are contributing to the wedding, but with absolutely no strings attached. I wouldn't accept their money if FH and I had to follow their vision and not our own.

Teresa, I can understand why your dad only wants to pay for wedding if in your home town, so I think best to turn down funds, but try to be polite about it. Both are you are reasonable.

My FH and I have turned down all offers except for my mom paying for my dress. It is the best decision we have made. All of the decisions have been 100% our own, including when to ask for (and or take) advice or requests from our family.

Our parents have offered us money but we have told them that we are happy to cover the wedding ourselves. I don't think they would pull the whole "who pays gets a say" thing but FH and I work hard and have saved for the wedding and would prefer that our parents spend their money on themselves.

It's your wedding. You're not wrong for turning your dad down. We are planning on paying the wedding ourselves if possible.