Has anyone NOT had a bridal shower? How did you go about it?

If you don't want one, nobody plans one. End of story...

Has FMIL offered to throw a shower if she wants one? If not, I don't see the issue. If she has, you can politely tell her you'd prefer not to have one - but you could also just throw her a bone and let her have the damn party.

I don't have anyone to host one for me, and I'm not rude enough to host my own. If you don't want one don't have one. It's not a requirement.

Yes, I already politely told FMIL I'd prefer not to have one. She was the only one who went away with hurt feelings.

I'm not having one. My best friend asked if I wanted one and I told her that I appreciated the thought, but I'd rather not. Honestly I think she was relieved because her sister is getting married not long after me.

If FMIL hasn't offered to host I don't see why it would matter. Do you know why its upsetting her? Doesn't seem like it would really impact her.

If you're hurting FMIL by telling her not to have a shower (and she wants/has offered to host one), would you consider suggesting something like a recipe shower? You wouldn't need to be the center of attention or get large gifts that would be hard to move like you would for a regular shower, but there can still be a gathering of people to celebrate with you. My MIL wanted me to get to know DH's family at the shower so it was really important to her to have one. Perhaps your FMIL just wants to show off her soon to be DIL!

I'm not having one. I'm not sure what your question is though. I'm going about it by not having one.

She wants to host it together with my mom...they didn't start planning one, I think she just assumed I would want it?

I didnt want one but my MOH wants to throw me one so i said how about djnner and a girls night out

Honestly @Keri, I think this is a "pick your battles" moment. I ended up letting my FMIL throw me a shower because it was really important to her, even if it wasn't important to me. She saw it as an opportunity to get her family together and celebrate, and she wanted to show off her hosting skills a little. In the end, it would've been a bigger deal to her to NOT have it than it was for me to have it.

I'm not having one. At first, fmil offered an engagement type party which we were interested in since we're having a destination wedding. But then she said she'd rather host a bridal shower. I hate being the sole center of attention so I politely declined.

I'm not doing a bridal shower, instead a family friend is hosting a morning-of breakfast (on the wedding day) for the entire wedding party. Might not be an option for everyone but since FH and I have been together for 6 years and live out of state I thought it would be a better/more fun use of time/resources.

Don't worry about it. She'll get over it.

I'm team anti-shower. I don't like going to them and I don't want one for myself. However, FMIL assumes that there will be one, so if she hosts one, I'll go. What I won't do is invite any friends. (I also have no BP). It would make one more wedding-related event or present-giving occasion for them, especially since they'd need to travel. I see it differently if it's just aunts and cousins and a chance for the women on both sides of the family to get together and no one has to go out of their way. I don't understand why anyone (other than maybe a mom) would travel flying distance for a shower.

Just tell them you'd rather not have one.

I'm not having one because I don't live near any of my friends or family. We moved from TX to Sacramento in July and alot of our guests are flying into the wedding (which is in So Cal). Its totally fine with me.

If you don't want one then don't have one. FMIL will move onto something else before your wedding happens.

Anytime she brings it up just say that you're not interested but thanks and then move onto another topic. You can also involve help from a friend to accomplish this.

Example: the day my mom found out about the engagement she volun-told my SIL to throw me a shower. My SIL, who knows me, straight up asked if I wanted one and gave me the out I needed. She has been my backup on this topic ever since. My mother asked more than once, was consistently shut down and has since moved on to annoy me with other things. In the end I'm still not having a shower.

ETA spelling

Hi Keri, what is it that you don't like about the shower? If you don't want people to give you presents, maybe you could suggest she throw you a "ladies lunch" or something similar. If you don't want to be the center of attention, don't do any games and have an unwrapped shower so you don't have to sit in front of everyone and open stuff. If you just straight up feel bad asking people to show up, then your only solution is to not have one. I will say though that guests have the option to say no. I was invited to my cousin's future wife's shower and I said no simply because I'd never met her before and I would feel awkward. Maybe that's impolite, but I would expect the same from any other adult and my feelings wouldn't be hurt. If fmil is really hurt, I think you should let her do the shower and just give her a very small guest list (immediate family and close friends that live in town)

I didn't want and don't go to bridal showers. To me it is someone just asking you to give them something for nothing. Then you go to the wedding and they bring you more stuff. When my FMIL suggested I have a shower I let her know the only thing we were planning was a night out at the club with friends before we leave for the beach. The only thing I will accept is a drink while out with friends. At this point in my life I not need a bunch of extra stuff. I am not living in my parents house and going to be out on my own for the first time. that is the only reason for bridal showers and this day and age most people, not all but most live together before marriage.

I originally told my BM's and mom that I would prefer not to have a shower. We are having a destination wedding and FH and I don't feel right about registering and having people buy us gifts when they are already spending a lot to attend. At first, everyone seemed ok with this. Then, my sister changed her mind and decided that some sort of party should be thrown. She contacted my mom, who also agreed, and my MOH. She suggested doing a coed BBQ or something similar. My MOH contacted me to see if we would be ok with that idea. So, we are now having a small coed party or BBQ (I'm not sure what exactly it will be called). But, we have requested that it not be called a shower. And anyone who asks about gifts will just be told "there is no registry. The bride and groom would just like the opportunity to spend time with everyone for the day."

Could you do something similar? Sort of a compromise for FMIL?