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Savvy August 2019

Hardest rsvp declines

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Kelsey, on July 6, 2019 at 10:41 PM

Posted in Planning 28

My wedding is about a month and a half away now, so the RSVP responses are coming in. My side of our guest list has always been much smaller, just because I don’t have as many friends or family as my FH. But it’s gotten even smaller as the responses have come in. My response rate is about 50/50 and about 3/4 of my guests have RSVPed. Even worse has been accepting how many declines I’ve gotten from people who are really important to me. My cousin and his fiancée aren’t coming. My childhood best friend - someone who would have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor if I’d gotten married earlier in my life - isn’t coming. Those really sting and they didn’t even reach out personally to let me know, so it feels like it’s not even important to them.

And on my fh’s side, we have had two whole declines so far. I am just struggling to not feel jealous and insecure and panicked that I will have just a handful of people who even know me. It’s not at all what I wanted and it makes me sad.

Is anyone else struggling with the rsvp aspect of things? It’s starting to make me feel really unloved.

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28 Comments

Just Said Yes August 2019
Samantha · on July 23, 2019 at 7:37 PM
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Yes, I feel the same way, I am in almost the exact same position with my FH and our guests. His are basically all coming, and I still haven't heard from like 10 people and my rsvp cut off was yesterday. I mean I stamped and addressed the return envelopes, how hard is it? Also, I have been messaging my cousin for months about my wedding, sent and invitation (someone else told me his address because he didn't respond to me). I can see he's reading my messages and just not responding. I think it is very inconsiderate. If its a no just tell me no, don't just ignore me. I feel very hurt, I thought we were closer. I'm pretty bummed about it.
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Dedicated September 2019
Sara · on July 24, 2019 at 8:35 AM
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I'm having the opposite issue. My family is huge and super involved in everything, his is not. We had our Jack & Jill over the weekend and NONE of his family showed - they didn't even tell the hosts that they weren't coming. I am super concerned that they won't show to the wedding and my heart hurts for him. He shrugs it off and says it doesn't bother him but I know it does.

Just remember that YOU ARE LOVED. Whether it's your friends and family or his, the people who are attending care about you.
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Super July 2019
Crystal · on July 24, 2019 at 8:48 AM
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70% of my friends and family declined. Just remeber those who really care will be there
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Savvy August 2019
Kelsey · on July 25, 2019 at 12:42 PM
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Thanks so much for all of your kind comments. I am still a little bummed about some of the people who can’t make it, but I know the ones who will be there will make it a very special day.
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Dedicated August 2019
Jillian · on July 26, 2019 at 11:36 AM
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This was hard to wrap my head around at first. Especially when it came to family declining . We decided on a kid free wedding and gave plenty of notice but we still have several family who said if the kids couldnt come then they werent coming either. We even had one tell my mom and never bother to RSVP which...i think we all feel the same way about hahah

Then..yesterday...Our RSVP By date was July 19th. we had a friend who hadnt rsvp ask if another couple was coming..so I asked if it matter and she full on said yes. We arent coming if they are there....sooo that was new.

Most of our family with the exception of mother father brother sisters are out of town, WV, NY, and his family are all coming through were mine.. not so much but its ok! We still have over 85 people coming and we only invited 125. I just told myself it is a celebration of our love and life with our family and friends that care to join!

Im over feeling sad because im throwing a MULTI THOUSAND dollar event that you cant be bothered with! Good riddens i say!
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Dedicated November 2019
Kiki · on July 26, 2019 at 11:41 AM
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It's hard, usually people expect the girl to have more people invited, but its not that way with me either. I wanted a small wedding 100 people we ended up inviting 160... And I've only invited 60 out of those 100. It does suck a little my circle of friends is pretty small as well as my family so yeah I can understand how you feel.
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Dedicated October 2019
GabbiV · on July 26, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that but I can totally relate to you. Our guest list is about 30 from my side and 60 from his (Invites will go out mid August) but i know around 10 of the 30 won't be able to make it from my side. I understand why they can't make it (they either live abroad or really far away) but it still hurts!
I also had a bridesmaid, who i really was expecting, confirm a year in advance only to cancel on me last month, luckily i still have my sister as my MOH, but that made me real sad and feel really lonely!
I'm just trying to stay positive, finalize all the plans and will enjoy the moment with those who did come in October!
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Dedicated May 2021
Elisa · on July 26, 2019 at 1:05 PM
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I am so sorry you're going through this. I imagine it can be painful and saddening to experience, but your wedding will be one of the most beautiful days of your life. It will be the beginning to a new life together with your very best friend of all.
I fear I'll be going through it too. My immediate family (including aunts/uncles/cousins) is 7 people. Everyone else is a second cousin and etc. I'm assuming a lot of them will not attending as they live a couple hours away and it'll be too much of a hassle. My friends group is very small as I'm shy, and I feel like a lot of them are slipping away due to getting older, circumstances and interests changing and etc and I'm not even 100% sure if some of them even care. My fiance has a huge family and I know they'll all show up--including his family from out of the country. He also has 8 groomsmen on his side while I can't even come close to reaching that number. I guess it is what it is, but I suppose it's also natural to feel like I may be a little embarrassed or feel like a loser at my own wedding lol. So I kind of feel your pain. We can get through it!!
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