Hardest rsvp declines

I had a couple friends decline who I really hoped would make it. But we had a destination wedding and I get it. My side of the guest list ended up being 20 out of 50 attendees, only 3 of which were friends. We had about 120 invited split pretty evenly.

I know it hurts, but please try to not take it too personally!

I haven't opened any of my RSVP cards yet, as they're arriving to FH's parents' house due to our hopefully changing address, but there's been a lot of muttering through the grapevine from out of town guests on "my side," regarding basically everything about my wedding--the wedding that we only decided to throw instead of a destination elopement because it was important to us for them to be there. WHELP.

Aw im sorry, that really sucks. I dont have many friends and Im having trouble picking bridesmaids. If the 4 bridesmaids say they cant be in the wedding im not sure what I would do. I have a huge family on my moms side who live out of state but only about 8ppl would be willing to travel. On my dads side theres probably about 20ppl. If everyone declined i would be sad too. I dont have much advise but only sympathize with you. Have you talked to any of the people at all? Have they given you a reason why they cant make it?

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the sympathy! I was kind of in a pity party mood tonight and it helped to hear. Luckily my friends and family who live closer will mostly be there, but I have some who are spread out across the country, and almost none of them are coming. I understand that’s a lot more of an expense so I’m trying not to take it personally. It’s just harder some times than others.

I’m kind of expecting lots of declines from out of town family/friends on my side. We are sending our invitations tomorrow so we’ll see. My FW seems to have a lot that are excited to travel and I may be in the same place as you in a month or so. I’m going to try to let it go and let it be what it will be. Easier said than done though. Good luck and please know you are loved!!

I am sorry with wedding end of August that’s the start of school year so that may have something to do with it. we have not sent invites out yet. That is next weekends task.

I relate to this fully. We have not sent invites out yet but because of my Hispanic heritage family had to be invited. I am expecting a 0% rsvp rate and it really hurts because my fh whole family will be there. My grandparents who mean the world to me will not even be there. It’s really saddening to me. My fh tries to comfort me by letting me know his family is my new family but it still hurts.

I understand how you’re feeling. My fiancé’s guest list is triple mine and with my brother and aunt declining to come (they “forgot” to let
me know and I had to reach out to them..) my
parents are the only family on my side and my MOH is still figuring out if she can come
or not. As others have told me trying to see the positive in the love from the people coming and that I’m gaining a big family and network of friends from my FH so once we’re married we’re all family.

I’ve felt hurt by people not being able to come too. Even if it isn’t anything personal, it sucks. We invited close to 250 people, and so far we only have 110 people coming for sure with 26 days to the wedding. I spent time last night messaging almost everyone on the list who has not responded and several of them have seen the message and haven’t answered yet. It’s so frustrating. A few people I really wanted to be there won’t be. Someone from my church is getting married on the same day an hour away, so lots of people are going to his wedding instead. I understand that some people are out of town, but it makes me feel hurt that local people who could easily come aren’t. We’re planning on doing escort cards with assigned tables and with so many people up in the air, I have no idea how to manage it. You’re not alone.

Kelsey,
I completely understand and am so sorry that you have to face this dilemma! My FH has a very large and communicative family. In addition, all of his friends are those he’s had since childhood, and he has A LOT of them. Most of them live in the area where we’re getting married, and those who don’t are more than happy to travel. So far, even the people listed as our “mutual friends” are either family friends of his or people he recently met at work or in classes. I’m much more of a homebody, and didn’t keep contact with many of my coworkers or friends from childhood. In addition, My entire dad’s side of the family is either living across the country/in another country or will not be coming because they don’t want to see my father (if my mom can meet with her ex-husband amicably, I don’t know why my grandmother can’t suck it up and see her son!). Most of my family on my mother’s side are of poor health and will most likely not make it. It’s really saddening when you’re missing people at your wedding. To me, the whole point is to throw a party to celebrate your family and the love that they instilled in you: so to have them not be there is very painful.

Our current “guest invite” dilemma consists of me struggling to think of three bridesmaids, while Campbell has already “promised” 8 different men that they have a place in his grooms party. This is obviously a huge issue, especially considering that all of these men are in serious relationships which means that an additional 8 people that I don’t know will be dining with us. We haven’t even started planning our engagement party and I’m already worried to send out RSVPs! I’m almost certain that I’ll end up with empty chairs on my side, and it will end up being a Campbell-fest or a new wife meet-and-greet.

I wish that I had some solid advice, but I’m just as lost. I’m already preparing rebuttals and hoping to acquire a small fund for those on my side who need a little extra help in order to attend. I don’t want to beg family members to come, but I can’t imagine being married without them there! Thank you for your post, I look forward to seeing what others have to say about their invite insecurities.

Aubrianna & Campbell

I haven’t had the same issue with declines, but “my side” of the invite list is much, much smaller than fiancé’s because his family is all local and lives in the same place and mine is all long distance, and he has so many more local close friends due to his law school program that are coming, whereas I don’t have as many. The way I’ve been seeing it is that they’re OUR guests at the end of the day, not his guests or my guests. Sure, lots of them knew him first or know him better, but they are coming to celebrate US and many of them know and love me too. I know that the wedding will be amazing because we recently had our shower and literally only 3 of the 20 or so people there were my friends or family, but you know what? I still had so much fun and felt so much love from everyone there, and BOTH of us were the center of attention, not just him. I promise you, it’ll be great 💖

I haven’t gotten RSVPs back yet but I completely understand. I’m my side, my immediate family is coming, and I also invited my grandparents and an aunt I’m very close to. When we started talking about the wedding, my aunt mentioned that they wouldn’t be moving back to Texas for a couple months after that. It turns out they’ll be able to make it after all and her kids are in the wedding party, but the idea of them not coming really hurt.
For my grandparents (my dads parents are divorced so I have 3 sets) we have no idea if they’ll come or not. It wouldn’t be an issue for them timewise or financially (one is having health issues which I understand), but my immediate family doesn’t have the best relationship and some of my grandparents aren’t happy with the fact that I’m marrying another woman. Waiting for those RSVPs is going to be difficult because it would be pretty personal.
There’s a lot more people invited on my fiancées side and one her brothers may not be able to afford to come, but we are expecting a yes from pretty much everyone else.

It sucks BUT I’m just as excited to celebrate with her family as my own. I know the day of, I won’t bother me as much because we’ll be surrounded by people we love

I know my FH felt upset with some of his family declining. His aunts and uncles (two of which are his godparents) aren’t coming because of another family wedding closer to the town they live in. I think he’s even more hurt than he’s letting on. But we have a great turnout of friends and family coming this weekend so we’ll just make the most of it!

I'm on the flip side of this. My FH has had minimal RSVPs and almost all of mine have said yes. I feel bad and I wished there was more I could do but at least we are getting married and we are equally excited for that!

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. So far all my family has RSVP'd yes and most of FH's has declined. I doubt he's feeling any kind of way about it though because that's just how he is.

You are loved!! Not everyone can make it out to our days. I would not take it personal. Even though it feels incredibly personal. Are you in good communication with your cousin and your old friend enough to know what is going on in their lives at that moment? If not you guys may just not be that close enough anymore. And that is OK. As we grow our relationships change and our circle changes. It gets smaller and smaller most of the time. I was always taught you have people in your life for a reason, season or lifetime. Maybe the season has passed for some of your relationships but look at the lifetime commitment your FH is bringing to you with a whole host of relatives and friends to boot. So in my mind life has its way of balancing things out. You may not have all the ones you expected at your day, but I think you will be surprised of the ones you will meet that will be in your life going forward. Its is okay to feel sad but don't stay there for long. Look at the good in the situation and keep your head up. Big hug~!! XO ;-)

First I want to say I'm sorry. That really sucks. You have to not take it too personally though like some of the previous posts said its the start opf the school year for most and out of town travel (if tehre is any) is hard especially if people have children or pets. It sucks they didn't tell you personally but they probably feel bad. I wouldn't stress the guest counts though. You're joining two families, all of FH family and friends will accept and love you because youa re joining their family. The ones that do make it are the important ones.

I was fully expecting a lot of my family to not come (destination wedding and during the school year). Surprisingly a lot have already booked their trips but my family is very close and my sister passed away this year so I think a lot of people are coming regardless for support in general. My FH doesn't have any siblings hes and only child (where I am 1 of 6) so he invited a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles and they have started RSVPing no and he feels offended. I have to remind him peoples lives don't revolve around us and our wedding. We didn't make a point to see a lot of his family the past year during holidays or anything and unfortunately thats a price that gets paid sometimes. We just aren't as close to his 2nd cousins as I am with my siblings and nieces and nephews. I wouldn't stress it though, like I said, the ones that matter will be there!

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This is literally the sweetest post I have ever seen on WW. Kudos. And maybe just don't do a grooms and a brides side in your case...that way it won't be so painfully obvious he has more people than you. I totally understand what you are saying. All my aunts (7 of them) and my one uncle live in heaven along with my mom and both sets of grand parents. It is tough for sure but I am embracing the ones that will be there and I am just going to run with it =)

My FH will have more friends/family at our wedding than I will and I've known from day 1. My family just doesn't make me a priority and I know it. The one that stung is I told my cousin our wedding date and she made it about her saying she would probably be pregnant or with a newborn at the time...so she won't be a bridesmaid and now she's probably not coming because of a "potential" pregnancy that doesn't exist yet.

It's just easier to accept the fact that this day is special to me and my FH but it may not be as important to my family as it is me (my grandpa even told me not to expect most of my family at my wedding). I think it's really important to remember this is about you two and making this moment special for you, signifying the beginning of YOUR family together, where you can shape the family you create to be better than what you've seen.

My wedding is August 31 and we've only gotten one official decline but I've heard people aren't coming which really bothers me. They're specifically missing it to go hunting... I hunt too but I wouldn't miss a cousins wedding for it.