Had to let go of a bridesmaid 1 month out

I support your decision as well, I would have done the same thing. I love my bridesmaids and maid of honor like family, and chose them knowing they would provide unconditional love and support. 2018 hasn't been the greatest year for me, since I lost my job, had to put my dog down and my biggest inspiration in life (my grandpa) being diagnosed with cancer, I haven't been to thrilled with planning my wedding and haven't had the excitement that everyone else feels. But my bridesmaids have been my personal cheerleaders and have been giving me encouragement and have scheduled my parties to work with everyone's schedules. They haven't complained once and are generally excited for my big day.

I can't imagine not having that support to keep me going. So I fully understand your disappointment and not wanting her in your wedding. Like other people said they aren't required to do anything but show up. But times have changed and I expect them to show up if there aren't close friends. Any decent friend would thoroughly want to help you in anyway they can. I think you have been more then accommodating and made the right decision.

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You're completely right about not being able to reignite a friendship by making someone a bridesmaid. It seems like all brides that end up losing a bridesmaid, its because they asked someone that they used to be close with but haven't been in a few years. I read a lot of "bridesmaid drama" before picking my bridesmaids and that's the one thing I picked up on. So I only asked friends that I currently had a close friendship with, and I ended up with no problems at all. Everyone came to dress shopping, the shower, then bachelorette and they are all coming to the rehearsal and staying with me. Friends you're close with, that you regularly spend time with, tend to be excited for things like the bachelorette because it means having a good time with their friend. But if you've drifted from someone, they might value spending time with other friends more, and won't care to much about missing the special events in your life.

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Good to hear! I hope everything goes well!! Best of luck with planning!!

It seems like she is complaining a lot, and coming up with weird excuses. She's a grown woman, her birthday shouldn't be this big of a deal! I can't imagine not going to someone's wedding because I needed to celebrate my birthday (unless I was a child). $100 is a great price for a dress. I wouldn't be sad, your day will be better without her!

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Thank you. Sorry that your year isn't going great but cheer up. Everythign will work out!

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True. Leasson learned for me.

I am kind of shocked by these responses. Really? All of you would take that kind of dismissal by someone whom you valued enough to ask to be in your wedding? Sorry, but anyone that gives you that many excuses to miss events related to your wedding doesn't really want to be in it. That is crazy. You are either in or out, and it sounds like she was never really in, but didn't have the heart to tell you. Being a friend doesn't give her an excuse to be a flake.

Invite her as a guest. If she shows up, great. If not, then you know where you stand.

I hope your day turns out amazing!

View Quoted Comment I totally agree!

Priscilla- I’ve had a major issue my MOH, and she’s been super rude to my other girls, among a host of other issues that have been going on, and we’ve discussed everything together and did the “are you ok?” Are you stressed?” Etc. And quite frankly I’m over her bull as well. I have 1 month to go and don’t really see our friendship going past the date of my wedding. I feel she hasn’t been respectful and has been bitter since I became a bride (again, all discussed, been as transparent as possible), but some people just don’t realize how their acting/how it effects others. And as brides, we have a ton of stuff to do, I’m no longer in the mood to hold her hand anymore. It seems that almost every event during the wedding planning has been some way or another turned into something for her.

im glad you felt strong enough to make this tough decision. I know it’s not something any Bride wants to to, but I also feel it’s unfair that your BM has put you in that position as well. I’ve been a BM a few times and I have shut my mouth, unless asked, and have fully participated to the extent I could, cuz that is what you do when you’re asked to be a BM. It’s a shame how weddings can really change people.

As a word of advice for brides picking their wedding party, I would wait as long as possible to really see how supposed friendships really are when you start the planning process, who’s supporting you, who isn’t?!

View Quoted Comment Here’s the thing: your friends aren’t going to change just because you’re getting married. If someone has always been a flake, they’re going to continue being a flake. If someone has always been busy and hasn’t made your friendship a priority, they’ll continue to do so. When you have expectations that go beyond who someone is as a person, you’ll be disappointed when they turn out to be just who they’ve always been. I don’t know how the friend in OPs story was before her engagement and I don’t know how she’ll be after the wedding, but chances are good both those people are the same.