Guilt Tripped

That's kind of how I feel. I have been very transparent with everyone that we are moving on. I've already spent money — and quite frankly — I'm just ready to be married. Those who are uncomfortable or unable to attend can be with us via Zoom. We're going to take all the safety precautions and consider everyone's risk. I'm not going to sweat it, and I don't think you should either! You'll have a great day!

The reality is we're planning a wedding during a deadly, global pandemic. People are going to have concerns and we have to respect that. I have concerns about going ahead with our wedding this year, which we postponed from last year. There is no easy answer. All we can do is be as responsible as possible and take every precaution we can. We do owe that to our guests. Will your guests be wearing masks? Will they have gotten vaccinated or at least tested? If she's your bridesmaid, she probably felt she can be open with you about her concerns without walking on eggshells around you. Try not to let it stress you too much. There's sooo many other wedding things that'll do that!! 😉

We had the opposite issue: We sent out save the dates in October for our wedding on February 25th. Due to COVID, our venue has decreased numbers (not to mention our list had gotten too big already even if it wasn't the era of COVID, because of who my mom promised invites to 😬). While most people were completely understanding when we cut back and sent out several invites with and invite to join us on a live stream, we had one lady get extremely mad about "how dare we send out un-invited cards".


I don't really have helpful advice for you. Someone is going to be upset regardless how you go about it. Have the wedding you want, with the people you want there, to what makes you comfortable regarding social distancing.

Yes I completely understand where you are coming from. And I do think it’s very disrespectful of people to throw in our faces the “what if someone gets sick?” Statement. I mean yes I will feel horrible. However, these are also grown ass people that make their own choices. We are taking all the precautions with an already very small guest list and are still only getting less than half of our guests attending. It hurts. A lot.
I’ve had several people ask me how I’ll feel if someone gets sick and my answer has been “well I almost lost my fiancé, the love of my life, to Covid when he spent 3 weeks in the hospital on high flow oxygen. Life isn’t guaranteed to any of us so yes moving forward with our wedding is important to us. Everyone invited are adults and can decide for themselves if they want to take the chance or not.”

I 100% feel what you’re going through and have lost my best friend over it. How long do you put your life on hold? Why isn’t it considered selfish to ask inappropriate questions or make demands- why is it about other people instead of the two getting married? I’ve asked myself these questions over and over. My fiancé and I are over it. You don’t come to our wedding but can go out every weekend? That’s fine because you will no longer be a part of our lives.

My daughters wedding is upcoming on May 2nd. We are not postponing or canceling or rebooking. It is what it is. If you feel uncomfortable, stay home. It is not your special time to make recommendations. Some of us want to live our lives and move forward. We are doing our best with the safety protocals. She has already had a bridesmaid cancel, not due to COVID but she was mentally stuck on it for days.

Umm yea I’m with you that’s disrespectful. If someone is overstepping their borders, that’s a form of disrespect. I think if she doesn’t feel comfortable then she shouldn’t come. Plain and simple. The decision to go through with the wedding is not in her pay grade lol

Ugh. I’m definitely going to get some heat for this but I don’t care. If you’re so scared of Covid, don’t go to the wedding. It’s that simple. All your guests know and understand the risks. I was just maid of honor at my best friends wedding and it was one of the most awesome weddings I’ve ever been to! A lot of her guests decided not to come last minute because of Covid, but everyone who showed up didn’t give a flying f*** and it was a blast! Party poopers should stay at home

Thank you for this going through it with my best friend .

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with you.... I am in a wedding in May and am still considering my attendance. And still considering my own plans for my wedding this year after postponing last year. People are just doing the best they can. It is completely valid for people to be concerned when it comes to covid. Of course guests can not come if they feel uncomfortable (or are “covid crazy” as mentioned here), but you feeling guilty for concerns brought up also isn’t someone else’s responsibility. I would respect her opinion and if you are set on your plans just let her decide what works best for her and leave it at that. You’re having a wedding during a pandemic, valid concerns are going to be brought up.

It was out of line for her to ask you to limit guest size... it’s not up to her, but up to you guys. It’s your responsibility to assess the benefits and risks of your venue, guest count, hygiene practices in place. I would definitely let her know you are more than okay with her declining at this point in time.

Like others I think you responded fine! It's totally up to you what you want to do. The only reason you should change the plan is if your dream day wouldn't be the same. As long as those most important to you can come and you can have the day to want, go on with it!

With you on this...our wedding is in April and I was recently questioned on why I would want to go through with our day if not all of my family could be there, and that its unfair of me to ask my loved ones to choose. I momentarily fell into feeling first defensive (who do we need to justify our reasoning to?) then to a bit more understanding that we are asking our guests to make a tough decision, and our guests who decide not to come are of course upset they can’t be there...but then back to what I feel all of us brides are feeling: This is for me and my partner (most important attendee!) and we are doing everything we can for the safety of our guests, but bottom line is it’s your choice and if you don’t feel comfortable coming, we completely respect that and hope you’ll join us via zoom!

I’m also starting to brainstorm fun ways to keep my close family and friends who aren’t coming engaged some how in addition to the zoom stream - like mailing the day of goodies for family and including the party favor. Maybe even ask anyone who can’t come to submit a short video that someone can compile and show at the rehearsal dinner or reception.

Oh this is so hard! I feel you! I've got a May 22nd wedding that was postponed from last year. We have been struggling so much with what to do and there is no easy answer. We too want to move forward and will do so with lots of precautions, reduced guests, honoring all city related restrictions, etc. We know it isn't perfect and everyone has their own comfort levels with COVID, but we feel good with the amount of vaccinations our guests will have and the other precautions. Being 4 months out I sent out an email to my ladies just laying it all out, our decision making process, and describing everything that we are doing to make it as safe as possible - also sharing that we absolutely understand if people decide not to come and we want people to make a good decision for themselves. I have two bridesmaids who have vowed to be there to support me even if they have to be in hazmat suits and one who is less comfortable with COVID and isn't sure how she will be present, but we have talked it out and we understand one another. I think your cousin was out of line to make suggestions to you and I think you handled it well. I do think COVID brides have been dealing with this for so long and have given it so much thought and how to communicate diplomatically and guests might not be at that point yet. Sounds like she is uncomfortable but did not communicate respectfully.

This comment thread gives me so much happiness!

Yes I have. I would have said the same thing we is not twisting anybody arm to make them come it’s a choice.

My fiancé and I are tying the knot on March 11, 2021. Ideally, it is YOUR wedding and YOUR day! If people want to be apart of YOUR day they will find away to make it happen. I have personally learned throughout this whole experience that it is impossible to please everyone-- please yourself. This occasion is about you and your soon to be spouse. The smaller the wedding the more personable it is. Who is going to remember the wedding more; you or your guest. Don't let the stress of a pandemic ruin this new chapter in your life. I am BEYOND excited for y 'all!! XOXO

I understand concerns and i am certain that you guys are doing things to make sure your wedding day is SAFE FOR YOUR SELVES AND OTHERS. and I DEF agree with how you told her about YOUR WEDDING. AT THE END OF THE DAY FAMILY AND FRIENDS NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS Y.O.U.R. DAY NOT THEIRS!!!!

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@ Nicole, I think you handled it the best you could. I think what most people mean to say but dont know how is... "I have some personal safety concerns, can you reassure me as to how you are handling things and explain in detail your recautions".

@ Katie, Holy cow!! I can't believe someone said that to you. Especially if they are not invited. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and each has their own comfort level- but that doesnt mean they have to voice it or say it rudely. Unless you are a bride right now, you have NO IDEA what its like to plan during a pandemic. People can come or not come, and they can wear 1 (or 2) masks the entire time if they choose. (Where I live in FL there is virtually no restrictions, except to wear masks indoors or in crowds, but they are not always enforced (except Dr's office). My family on the west coast is still essentially living indoors since last March.) All of us have to make our own decision- and not judge each other if we can help it. We take a risk each day, by interacting with others, at the grocery, the dr's, at work, at school, etc. A wedding is a lifetime milestone, and is just as important as anything. All we can do is do our best to make it safe, and follow the rules in our own state/city.

View Quoted Comment Exactly thank you 👏👏👏👏👏


I brush it off because I feel this way. Most of the people who are judging me are probably the same people who if they were in my shoes be doing the same thing.
I have seen my fair share of hypocrites when I started planning my wedding I'd had some people ridiculing me for the exact same thing they did when they were getting married. So for me I'm like I don't care about their opinions. I'm doing everything I can to maks sure my guests are safe and even put all the ways we are being safe and how we plan our night to go on the website so people can make the most informed decisions about coming. And if we have guests still not comfortable we want them to know that we won't be upset if they don't come because we completely understand everyone has their own comfort level with this.