Guilt for Elopment

Nope, go with your gut and do what you the both of you want to do. Letting her dictate your wedding is opening the door to letting her dictate the rest of your life.

I totally understand you don't want to make her upset, but she is absolutely not being fair.

Do what you want to do. This is your wedding, and if it doesn't feel right, you should not let anyone guilt you into having a huge ceremony/reception. You and FH should stand strong together on this one.

It's not fair that she's being that way with you but I also understand where she's coming from. Perhaps elope with just immediate family or your parents?

You communicate with her and tell her that a wedding is not your dream and that even though you understand her feelings, you need to do what is best for the two of you. Be polite and not a bitch. If you do that and she is still pissed, then oh well. But have that convo with her so she knows you actually care.

Have the wedding you and your partner want. If you want a private elopement, do that. It's like with a puppy, you can't reward negative behavior or she'll think she can run your lives forever.

What does your partner have to say about this? My mom and my partner are the only people who I would give up eloping for. Could you do a very small, immediate family only ceremony and dinner? If that doesn't feel ok to you, and your partner wants to elope, I say elope.

Ugh, I hate "family" like that. So sorry you have to deal with her.

I would have your FH tell her that the two of you have already decided to elope and that decision is final so please be respectful of your choice. We would love to celebrate with you and our immediate family after our marriage at a small lunch/brunch (not reception, literally just like a 60-90 minute meal) And if she seriously still wants to disown her son for that, then she is a very narcissistic person and it would be a blessing in disguise to get such a negative, spiteful person out of your lives.

Also, why is she living with you two; she's going to think that she has a say in your lives.

You guys are adults, I think you know what the answer to this question is

Disowning you for eloping? That's pretty extreme. If you're on board and he's on board for eloping, then that's all that matters. Do what makes the two of you happy.

ETA: I completely missed the fact that she's living with you! She's got some serious balls trying to guilt you into not eloping when she needs you so she can have a roof over her head.

I think if FH is down to go to the courthouse and elope, then y'all should and let FMIL blow a dead monkey.

I get that you don't want to go against her wishes, but you guys are both adults, I presume, and can make your own choices.

Id at least tell her, maybe invite her along or have a small gathering at a local restaurant after?

Lol she lives with us because shortly after we moved into our house she had no place to go. She is very sweet but is used to taking over everything. I often feel like i have no say in things and no space in my own home. Its just hard to balance everyone elses feelings and remain true to what we want. Fh wants to elope and have a party after with friends and family.

Elope. I think you are in a bad position in the house with her taking over everything and it would be a shame to let that ruin what you guys want. She won't disown him, she will just be pissed. And it's kinda hard to disown someone when you are living in their house.

Lol maybe ill get lucky and she'll move out? Ha

Thank you all for your input, i felt selfish for still wanting to elope but i share my whole life with her so id love for our wedding to be special between just the two of us.

I'm sorry, it would feel terrible not to have the support of your parents and/or in-laws, and I can see why this would make for a more difficult decision.

I think you should do what you and your FH want.

Have you expressed to FMIL that you and FH are planning a party/reception/whatever after eloping? But, yeah, stick to what you and FH want.

Hmmmm. I understand she wants to be a part of her son's big day but I think it's more important your wedding be meaningful to you and filled with purpose.

Have the private elopement if it's what the two of you want. She will be disappointed, but she won't disown him. Have a dinner after to celebrate and let her help plan it if you want to include her

It's your wedding so do what you want to do. It's not her wedding and she shouldn't guilt you into doing something that you're not going to be happy doing. She's being over dramatic telling you she's going to disown you. I'd tell her to get over it and you and FH go elope and do what you want

It sounds like you feel strongly about this & you will regret it if you don't follow your gut.

Team Elope here! Do what is true to you and your FH. I agree with the previous poster who noted that its hard to disown someone who's house you are living in. Blatant manipulation like that would rub me the wrong way, and letting it change your plans is an uncomfortable precedent to set.