I’ve been struggling with planning since we hit 2021. I know (and constantly hear) wedding planning is stressful but since May the planning and excitement have gone out the window. I love planning events too; I’ve made binders that stay up to date so FH can see exactly what needs done and by when. But I’m at a loss. **please don’t judge or reply with comments about how I should feel, the boards aren’t for criticizing how someone has gotten to where they are today
When FH and I got engaged I told him I wanted a private/small ceremony, such as a destination (like a four hour trip away) wedding. He wanted the big event. His parents are divorced and it was a bad one at that but he has a fairly large family, some he hasn’t spoken to in over six months. I know the wedding is about us so we compromised about number to invite and both agreed to not invite anyone else after we sent out the invites.
His mother has started drama and attacked me for people not being invited. She literally caught me in a room and would not let me leave until she said what she wanted, which accused me of controlling FH and that my family may not be as close as FH family, taking money and more (no lie). All of which was completely unfounded and I can’t think of how she got to that conclusion. But anyways. She was fine until he came in the room and then she cried and he consoled her, not me. She makes remarks about me, including that I don’t have to take his last name (yet she kept his dad’s) and that we don’t have to have kids but will ask if we’re going to try to have them on the honeymoon. I’ve set boundaries with this behavior and been upfront with FH about it because it has really strained our relationship. His father and my parents on the other hand continue to state it’s about us and celebrating our love so it doesn’t matter what others want.
We’ve told people and put it on our website that we are having a child free event, it’s what we want to do other than those in the ceremony itself. Yet he’s allowing people to get there foot in the door about bringing kids (he hasn’t ever met) to the event. He literally just texted me tonight about a friend telling FH the “might” have to bring their kid. This on top of one that was supposed to be in the wedding and now it’s not fair to other family children who are very young.
What I’ve disclosed is just a tip of the iceberg. I constantly feel like the bad guy and don’t know how else to approach any of this with FH. I feel disrespected, plain and simple, but he acts like everything isn’t a big deal and procrastinates. I’ve even told him I feel like his mother or personal assistant at times. I’ve done 99.9% of the planning for an event he wanted, I’ve tried engaging him in the process but nothing and then he chimes in with his opinion as I’m submitting stuff to a vendor.
I’m getting married in about a month and have been open with FH about my feelings and what is stressing me out on top of a very mentally demanding job. I take breaks and try to distract myself, this works until I open up that binder. I’m not eating (I love sweets so no appetite is odd), sleep is disrupted, more moody and crying because I’m at a loss for words.
Before anyone mentions counseling, already there. I’m a social worker and a big proponent of being mentally healthy; I’m also getting some bump from the antidepressant and anxiety meds I’m on. I have set boundaries about tasks I’ve told him he is to complete (mother son slideshow) but if he doesn’t do it then I feel guilty.
How do you deal with stuff like this? How do you respond? I’m tired of crying, stressing and all the fatigue. I want to eat. I feel that my opinion goes in one of his ears and out the other.