Guests invited later

Yeah, it’s rude to B list people when your more important guests decline. Why was food paid for before you had a headcount?

Its fine. They probably won’t even know. You don’t need to explain to them but if you have to just tell them the state allowed you to add more people to your list per covid guest count.

That’s known as “b-list” invites and is considered incredibly rude. Eventually word gets around and the people invited second get their feelings very hurt. Every wedding has declines for RSVPs, it’s okay. Definitely don’t send out b list invitations.

Also, food shouldn’t have been paid for before a final headcount was received.

I personally don't have a problem with it. Most people can't afford to invite absolutely everyone they want to, and hierarchies are natural in social relationships.


B listing is super frowned upon on most wedding boards however.
I say know your crowd and be tactful

B listing is always rude and people do find out they are last minute invites. Person 1 mentions an invite they just got in the mail that Person 2 doesn't receive until weeks later. If someone on your main list can't make it, then you let it go and move forward with the guests who have committed without adding anyone else.

To echo Caytlyn, why is your catering already paid in full without a final headcount?

I highly doubt people are going to be at your wedding asking for the timestamps on when your other guests received their invitations in the mail. And even if that’s the case, these are generally people that understand the relationship you have with them and if they’re decent people that don’t think they’re king and queen, they will typically understand that you had to invite family and closest friends first. But they’re definitely not going to know. Guests can barely remember to RSVP for themselves on time. I really doubt the conversation at your wedding is going to be about the timestamps and dates everyone got their invites in... just sayin

As others have said, 'B-listing' people is rude, and while sometimes you can get away with it without guests noticing, I do not think this would be the case since your wedding is in May. Of course it depends on the formality of the wedding but where I am from, invites go out quite a bit in advance so if I received an invite to a wedding one month out, I would 100% feel b-listed.

If you have extra food, take it home and share it with family

Have a little bit of a different take. Due to Covid we postponed our wedding three times and had to cut our guest list. Unfortunately, we had already sent out save the dates to everyone back in March and July. So we do have a “B” list. If/when we receive no’s, I’ll send out the additional invites to those guest. I know typically it’s considered rude, but hoping under these circumstances everyone understands.

I personally wouldn't. Since your wedding is exactly one month from today (if the date listed on your profile is correct), then these additional guests would definitely know that they were B-list guests. If you've already paid for 10 people who will no longer be able to come, ask your caterer if that money can be allocated elsewhere, such as adding an additional appetizer or upgrading something.

I agree with most posters:
These guests wii know that they were B-listed. Word always gets around in this situation.
Most people are smart enough to find out they got a "last minute invite",one way or another.

However: if you're 100% sure these 10 A-listed guests won't come, and 100% sure the B-listed won't be offended, go for it ... But be prepared for backlash , some people end a relationship because they are like "I'm not important to you ,you are only inviting me because you already paid the catering".

I say invite them! I personally have a B list. I had to give a minium head count when signing with the venue. I think people need to understand that weddings are expensive. It's not that you didn't want them to be there but financially it was hard. If some family declines that leaves room for more friends to be invited.

I know it’s considered rude, but if it were me I’d tell a few local friends, or even co workers, that you have some seats open up and you’d love them to be at your wedding if they would like. People that you know enough that they won’t see it as an insult. For example, I’m lucky enough to be able to invite my work friends, but if I hadn’t been able, I’d for sure tell my work buddies to come and they wouldn’t be insulted at all. They’d rib me a bit but in a good way. So maybe people like that, good natured and flexible?
Right now people understand thongs like this a lot more.

OR is there someone who wasn’t in a relationship at the time, but now is? You could invite their bf/gf too, that would be a really nice gesture!

B listing is rude. They will find out and it won’t look pretty in any social standpoint with others if they found out which they most likely will. These are after the fact people; people originally not good enough to be on the real list of invites but good enough as back up plans to be invited and give you a gift. Don’t do this.

I'm a little shocked at how many people say B-listing is rude. When I got married, every single wedding site mentioned deciding which guests were on your A and B lists.... why would that be if it is so rude and you shouldn't do it? I recall every wedding planning binder/book at the time had a guest list page that had the option for A list and B list, too.

After a quick Google search on wedding B lists, it seems that the only places this is being called outright rude is on individual opinion sites like forums and Reddit, while the Knot, BRIDES, Bridal Guide, and even Martha Stewart have articles on "how to have a B-list for your wedding without being rude" and "how to navigate your B-list". (For the record, here's what MS has to say: "Some couples think it's tacky and rude to have a contingency list, arguing that either you invite someone in the first place or not at all. Others disagree, pointing out that most friends who aren't invited in the first wave but are in the second round will understand that space is limited or that you had to invite all of your cousins first.") I've also seen similar advice on multiple invitation etiquette sites in this search. All seem to say that the concept itself isn't rude, but that you have to handle it a certain way.

Also, WW's guest manager gives you the ability to mark guests A and B (and even C).

Sure seems to be a lot of support and advice to help people navigate something that is so rude.

Especially in Covid times, I think this is an opinion that doesn't hold a lot of weight. First of all, every person in the world has a social hierarchy. You have immediate family, close family, and distant family, and you have your best friends, close friends, friends, casual friends, and acquaintances. How you invite those people and in what priority greatly depends on the person and their family (I would absolutely have never been expected to invite my cousins over any of my friends, for example, but in some families this would cause World War 3). Second, most places still have major restrictions on guest list size, and as a result, couples are having to very carefully scrutinize who is invited - and that means some people they would really want to be there aren't able to be invited. Then it turns out Aunt Marge and her two kids aren't coming - should a couple still exclude those people they really wanted there even though they now have the ability to invite them?

This also can be a "know your crowd" situation. Do you have friends who know they couldn't be invited at first, but who would be ecstatic to find out you can now extend an invite? I know I am "that friend", so maybe you have people like that, too.

View Quoted Comment I truly appreciate your kind words and positivity! All the people saying it's rude have really put a damper on my day! A lot of the people that aren't coming are close family members and people's plus 1s that they are now no longer bringing. There were people I wanted to invite but with my dad having 7 siblings and us having a small wedding some friends were put on the back burner. 😊 I really needed to read this thank you again !!!!

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Emily Post who is *the* etiquette guru has made remarks that B listing is inappropriate and hurtful. Her general advice has been much longer. Many other resources suggest doing things because it's the popular convenient way, not necessarily the right way. Etiquette is basically navigating social human interaction (as long as humans exist so it's not leaving anytime soon) to avoid awkward and uncomfortable settings. Creating a situation that is specifically uncomfortable goes against that concept.

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How important is it that parents' siblings must attend? Can you celebrate with them at a later date at a family reunion so you can invite your best friends to the wedding?

B-listing isn't something that I generally like but I think in the age of COVID it's much more acceptable. We have our guest list broken down into four sections, so we can easily pivot based on the allowed number of people. We highly doubt we'll be able to invite the full list & want to send invites out a smidge early anyway (we didn't do save the dates), so we 100% plan on adding people in if we get a ton of declines. I'm not sure we'd make the same call without the pandemic, but honestly, in this world I think people get it.